Age over easy

[Doreen Peri]

(2005)

Scene 1.

Him - Let's go to IHOP for brunch. Get ready.

Her - Let's wait a bit. I have some work I need to get done.

Him - Let's go now. They have Seniors Specials. I'm hungry and I've never ordered a Senior's Special before. I could save a dollar.

Her- OK. That's a big savings. I'll get ready.

Him - Hurry up! I'm not getting any younger.

Her- OK. I'm ready. Let's go eat.

Him - Let's go. OK


Scene 2.

Him - Two please, smoking.

Hostess - Yes sir. Follow me, sir.

Him - Thank you.

*looking at menus*

Him - See here? Senior Specials. They're all like a dollar cheaper. Do you think they'll question my age? I mean, I don't have any ID to prove I'm old enough. I've never done this before.

Her - I don't think they'll question it, but if they do, we'll just pay the extra dollar.

Him- No! I shouldn't have to pay the extra dollar if I qualify as a Senior. And I do. I'm 56.

Her - Yep. You've qualified for over a year now. Why haven't you done this before?

Him - I always figured I look to young and they'd question my age and I have no ID to prove it. I'm worried the waitress will question my age.

Her - Don't worry, sweetheart. We can always pay the extra dollar.

Him - No! That's not right. Because I qualify.

Her - OK, dear. What will you be ordering?

Him - Right here. See? One pancake, one egg, one link sausage, one piece of bacon, one piece of toast, and hash browns. Senior Special #4.

Her - OK. Sounds delicious.

Him - Yeah. I hope they don't question my age.

Her - Don't worry. If they do, we can always pay the extra dollar.

Him - No! I qualify!

Her - OK. I believe you.

Him - Good! Thank you. I've never done this before.

Her - Well, you should have started over a year ago. Think of all the dollars you would have saved!

Him - Yeah, but I was afraid they'd question my age.

Her- I know.


Scene 3.

Waitress - Good morning! What can I get you today?

Her - I'll have the Quick Breakfast, 2 eggs over easy, hash browns and a toasted English muffin. Coffee, please, a small orange juice, and a glass of ice water.

Waitress - Yes, ma'am! Thank you for your order. And you, sir?

Him - Tomato juice, please, small. And see here? #4 on the Senior Special.

Waitress - Yes, sir! How would you like your egg?

Him - 56

Waitress - Sir?

Him - I'm sorry, I have no ID to prove it, but it's true. I'm 56.

Waitress - Sir? How would you like your egg?

Him - 56, really! I'm not kidding.

Her - Honey, she's asking you how you'd like your egg, not what is your age?

Him - Oh. Over easy, please.

Waitress - Yes sir!

Her - *whispering to waitress* Sorry, he's a little hard of hearing.

Him - What's that you say? You lost an earring?