living hell

[Doreen Peri]

This is so cliche. So typical. My life is so not special. I mean, so many women have gone through this. Who wants to hear this crap?

He made my life a living hell.

He would chase me around the house in order to confront me. I'd go run into the bedroom to be alone. He chased me in there and cornered me and put his fist through the wall not three inches from my head.

Nothing I did was OK with him. I rode in the car with him and I'd turn the radio up and sing. I loved to sing. He said, "Can't you just sit there and be normal?" Man that hurt my feelings. I wasn't allowed to sing. I had my girlfriends over and we were in the kitchen laughing. He came downstairs and yelled at us. "Quit LAUGHING!" he screamed. That was so embarrassing. Still it was funny. I mean, "Quit laughing"? How can someone tell you to quit laughing and why would they want to?

He scared me. I was scared to talk.

Scars are deep. They surface sometimes when the night is calm. I wake up screaming and haven't even gone to sleep. I cried for five hours last night with my contact lenses in my eyes. Today my eyes are crimson and so sore I can barely open them.

Why did I allow it for so many years? I wanted to run away but there was nowhere to go. I had no money. I had children to care for.

Finally, he left. He started having an affair with his first girlfriend from high school. One of his friends told me, "She was everybody's first girlfriend in high school." I thought that was humorous. He's married to her now. I hope he doesn't put his fist through walls any more. I hope he doesn't scare her like he scared me.

I don't know if I can ever love again. I am so very lonely. I can't stop crying.

[westcoast]

oh, sweetie. wish i'd seen this when you wrote it. give yourself a big hug from me and dry those tears. have compassion for yourself. you were doing the very best you could. i know that.

you are special i've never met anyone as talented and open hearted as you are Doreen. i am so fortunate to have you as a friend.

love,
westie

[Doreen Peri]

thank you for your friendship, J

i send my love back to you

-d