I'll let you go now

[Doreen Peri]

"OH yeah i'll get better again
so i can be miserable as usual
after that", he said,

and i laughed

the chuckle
of a perched bird,
wings spread to fly
to his side, pride
set on unsettled dignity,

his voice dipping deep into humor,
laughing like dripping livers laugh,
hooked up to machinery, stating
without pause why he never married

"i'm sure you know why," he said
then when dead silence echoed
tears, he veered from the conclusion,
saying he would call me again on tuesday,
the echo of an aborted wednesday child
unfortunate as the breathing cancer.

our names were
one word.

i am dying with him,
remembering the unicorn book patty
gave us, unfortunate the distinction
between parallel visions, his slip-sliding
away like a terminal ill, mine continually
wishing, our nose cones pointing toward miracle
heals, the memories of another generation,
the what-should-have-been never having daylight,
me, the murderer, me the one who should have
been given the death sentence.

and so we laughed
and touched voices
as he emptied his bag,
complete with sticky-substance puke,

and me with my wine, drinking
until daylight, ready to cancel
trips to east and west shore
so i could sit by his side,
allow his escape, unhook the
metallic variously-clogged
hardware, dare the moment
by releasing it.

"Are you still a Red Sox fan?," he asked.

"No, I've never much liked sports but Go SOX!,"
I answered. "Who you got in the Superbowl?," always
being a conversation stopper.

"You remember the terms, right?," he asked.
"Off sides?," I said. "No, that's a different sport," he replied.
"RBI, maybe?," I asked. "Yes, now you're getting it. Could you
come bring me a hamburger at the door downstairs?
I'll tote my memories, be prepared.
Could you possibly figure out how to
unhook this crap? I'm tired. I love you.
Let's take a nap."

"I'll let you go now
You let me go before.
I'll see you soon when
the world isn't at war."

And so we hung up,
dust to dust, just as abrupt
as what didn't occur.
She never found him.
He didn't find her.

Be it death or a breath of impossible chance.
My God, when we danced, we could dance!
I led, he followed. Now he's leading
and soon I'll go too. Hate to be so
matter-of-fact. Nothing much is new.

[gypsyjoker]

Loved this one D
I was watching the scroll bar
out of the corner of my eye
sorry to see it get to the bottom

[Doreen Peri]

thanks, jack

i just now posted it

he's dying

i'm crying

[gypsyjoker]

I know
I guess that is why I did not want to get to the end of it.
If it is any consolation
it is a beautiful poem
Thank you
Maybe I will remember it
when I am dying too.

[westcoast]

wow doreen. i'm sorry you are in pain and loosing someone important to you. brings back many memories of my dad dying of lung cancer just a few years ago. lots of love is there with you.

a beautiful poem.

~hugs~

janet

[gypsyjoker]

I could cry with you
I coud dive into this poem
I feel tears welling up
as I create her death in my mind again.
I can remember the sound of her last ragged breaths
And then a great sob broke from deep within me
And it seemed that is what she was waiting for
to release her
because after that
was silence



And I never awake from a dream of her
feeling depressed
only refreshed and loved

sorry doreen
mourning is healing

[Doreen Peri]

jack and westie... you are both very kind

thank you

i hope he can recover ... it's liver cancer

i need to call him

i wrote this the last time i talked to him ... several months ago

he never forgave me for having the abortion

he was my first lover... i lived with him for 5 years

lifetimes ago it seems

more information than that's necessary, i know

i love his sense of humor..

"OH yeah i'll get better again
so i can be miserable as usual
after that", he said,

he always knew how to make me smile

[Doreen Peri]

I talked to him on the phone last night

his mother died 2 days ago

i was honored the family let me know