no not really... i wasn't afraid for my life... nor hanging onto reality. I knew very well what reality was... i wasn't feeling well.
That was my reality at the time. just an anxiety attack or something.. it didn't last but 10-15 minutes. Happens sometimes. More often when I'm in a very long line at the grocery store or in a hurry and late or I'm caught in a traffic jam or I'm in a crowded space, too many people and my heart starts to race. It's happened for years.... i'm fine now. The blurry vision sorta troubled me but I suspect my blood pressure was too high so I remedied all very quickly by rattling off a poem, drinking water, then OJ, STOPPING.. stopping everything... resting and taking a very weak anxiety med and my blood pressure med which i keep around for such instances despite the fact that my blood pressure (on a regular basis) has come down to normal and stabilized, sometimes it goes too high when i get anxious. Sometimes things just move too fast for me and sometimes it's me that's moving too fast that causes it. I describe it as "spinning"..... I have to STOP whatever i'm doing. I say, "It's spinning. It's going too fast".... it's my mind that sometimes goes too fast. Last night I was multi-tasking on the computer, doing too many things at once and thinking of too many things at once and probably not properly hydrated.
i often write when i'm going through something... whatever it is... love, fear, instability, joy, confusion, elation, any emotion. When I was on the treatment last summer, I wrote quite a bit, despite the fact that I was soooooo sick! I think I drove the other patients on the forums where I was going crazy with very long hypergraphia dissertations about the illness, whether it can be cured at all, what various treatments were available, how i felt that morning, or that afternoon, or evening, how i was not happy with my doctors and on and on;..... I'd take breaks to go throw up.... then come back and continue and write and write and write and at that time, i WAS scared for my life so.. well.. it's just one of the ways I cope.
I got a message from one of the members on that forum that said, "OMG, you must be exhausted from writing so much!" .... I saved none of it, though now you're reminding me of it so maybe i'll go back there and copy some of it and save it because I like to save the stuff I write so that one day when I die, my kids and future grandchildren can discover it and read it and say, "geez, she was really screwed up!" LOL
thanks, judih... i'm fine this morning... just a brief interlude of "uh oh this doesn't feel right".....
I'll probably delete this thread as my name is searchable and since i'm unemployed searching for work, I don't think my future potential employers will be interested in my occasional anxiety attacks nor my previous bout with a life-threatening treatment of an illness.
