something's wrong

Lucid confusions & confessions by Doreen Peri.

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Doreen Peri
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something's wrong

Post by Doreen Peri » January 10th, 2011, 12:46 am

electrolytes off?
gotta cough.
feet unstable,
read me a fable,
vision blurry,
water, hurry!

freezing cold,
quick please hold
me quick please pick
me up in the nick
of time
be my rhyme
hold me all night long.
something's wrong.

worst poem i've written
in ever so long.
donno what it is
but something's wrong.

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judih
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Re: something's wrong

Post by judih » January 10th, 2011, 12:50 am

saturn on crooked?
lost your uranus?
a day for transition

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Doreen Peri
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Re: something's wrong

Post by Doreen Peri » January 10th, 2011, 12:54 am

i think it's an anxiety attack... really weird.. hit me all of a sudden.. drinking water like crazy.. thanks judih... i got an anxiety pill.. that's probably what this is... panic attack of some sort

bad poem i know

got scared for minute

everything was moving so fast.. can't describe it

i'll be ok :)

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Re: something's wrong

Post by judih » January 10th, 2011, 8:50 am

fear for life, hanging onto reality, yet you write a poem
doreen, you're a survivor and i wish you only the best

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Re: something's wrong

Post by Doreen Peri » January 10th, 2011, 9:24 am

no not really... i wasn't afraid for my life... nor hanging onto reality. I knew very well what reality was... i wasn't feeling well. :) That was my reality at the time. just an anxiety attack or something.. it didn't last but 10-15 minutes. Happens sometimes. More often when I'm in a very long line at the grocery store or in a hurry and late or I'm caught in a traffic jam or I'm in a crowded space, too many people and my heart starts to race. It's happened for years.... i'm fine now. The blurry vision sorta troubled me but I suspect my blood pressure was too high so I remedied all very quickly by rattling off a poem, drinking water, then OJ, STOPPING.. stopping everything... resting and taking a very weak anxiety med and my blood pressure med which i keep around for such instances despite the fact that my blood pressure (on a regular basis) has come down to normal and stabilized, sometimes it goes too high when i get anxious. Sometimes things just move too fast for me and sometimes it's me that's moving too fast that causes it. I describe it as "spinning"..... I have to STOP whatever i'm doing. I say, "It's spinning. It's going too fast".... it's my mind that sometimes goes too fast. Last night I was multi-tasking on the computer, doing too many things at once and thinking of too many things at once and probably not properly hydrated.

i often write when i'm going through something... whatever it is... love, fear, instability, joy, confusion, elation, any emotion. When I was on the treatment last summer, I wrote quite a bit, despite the fact that I was soooooo sick! I think I drove the other patients on the forums where I was going crazy with very long hypergraphia dissertations about the illness, whether it can be cured at all, what various treatments were available, how i felt that morning, or that afternoon, or evening, how i was not happy with my doctors and on and on;..... I'd take breaks to go throw up.... then come back and continue and write and write and write and at that time, i WAS scared for my life so.. well.. it's just one of the ways I cope.

I got a message from one of the members on that forum that said, "OMG, you must be exhausted from writing so much!" .... I saved none of it, though now you're reminding me of it so maybe i'll go back there and copy some of it and save it because I like to save the stuff I write so that one day when I die, my kids and future grandchildren can discover it and read it and say, "geez, she was really screwed up!" LOL
:shock:

thanks, judih... i'm fine this morning... just a brief interlude of "uh oh this doesn't feel right".....

I'll probably delete this thread as my name is searchable and since i'm unemployed searching for work, I don't think my future potential employers will be interested in my occasional anxiety attacks nor my previous bout with a life-threatening treatment of an illness.

:)

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Re: something's wrong

Post by judih » January 10th, 2011, 11:41 pm

right. we love being searchable.
makes us go back to our cave and write on our wall with invisible ink (at least - that's how i handle it)

j to d - copy/paste then ...........

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Re: something's wrong

Post by zero_hero » January 11th, 2011, 11:02 am

I got a message from one of the members on that forum that said, "OMG, you must be exhausted from writing so much!" .... I saved none of it, though now you're reminding me of it so maybe i'll go back there and copy some of it and save it because I like to save the stuff I write so that one day when I die, my kids and future grandchildren can discover it and read it and say, "geez, she was really screwed up!" LOL


I been thinking about "digital-afterlife management. " My life after studio eight, on the day I stop posting.


Cyberspace When You’re Dead

I saved the poem I thought it was very good, but don't quit your day job because you know what I now about poetry is even less than I know about neuro-theology. And I know nothing about tha.t A little knowledge, which is a dangerous thing I have heard. I though it was a fine poem Doreen. But Don't let me encourage you. :)
I forgot you don't have a day job :P
Do you think that has anything to do with the anxiety?
I wish your day job was poetry, the arts, and studio eight.
Can we pretend it is
WHo was it that said becare full of what you pretend to be?

I been feeling the blood throbing in my ears from time to time. Temples bulging with the surge. I have no idea what causes it. Not a feeling of anxiety at the time but I need to try and pay attention to what I am thinking just before it happens. But as I remember it just comes out of the blue.

ramble ramble
sorry
Free Rice

"the lesson is... if you want it? keep a copy of it." Doreen Peri

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