marraige is for wimps.....5/11/08

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YABYUM
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marraige is for wimps.....5/11/08

Post by YABYUM » May 11th, 2008, 3:32 pm

cynicism is so fucked and boring

the recent thread about marraige really got me thinking. i am going to married in two weeks. i never thought it would happen. i was always the wide open sort who would rather be passing like a thief in the night. in my life i have had only one girlfreind, we lasted close to five years, it ended with my heart being broken. i deserved it. i cheated, i lied, i drank, i lived like i was single and never once respected the love that we could have cultivated into a forever bond. we sometimes speak in e mails, but that is difficult. even in the normal freindly passive words, i think we both feel something like lament. i know that we'll be in contact for years to come and will forever wish the best into each others lives.

the reason i bring up this past relationship.....

after it ended, i continued to travel north america. i swore of commited relationships forever. i knew i was incapable. i loved having sex with all the beautiful girls in all the beautiful states or provinces. i wanted not to break any hearts, not fulfill a promise, i wanted to be free to do as i pleased. and so i did. i learned from that relationship what i was capable of. i learned that love was something i was not ready to give or recieve.

then i met Denese. we met at a restaurant where i was a cook and she a hostess. we made eyes so many times. after many failed attempts, she finally decided to go out with me for a few drinks. it just so happened that she chose the night before i was to head west for a rendezvous with an old road freind in vegas. we fell in love. i left the next morning. she went back to college.

vegas lasted 6 months. then to denver. then back east. through the entire journey i would call Denese and talk at great lengths. disposable cell phones, collect calls, borrowed phones, snuck calls from a job....we knew we'd be together. though neither one of us spoke in longingly. after a summer in Jersey, the time was right. i greyhounded back out west and joined my bride to be.

i cannot explain how excited i am to be married. i am ready. i love this woman. i cant wait to raise our children. i look forward to being able to share moments and time with a partner, instead of lonely hostel beds and drunken screams to a empty moon. i think those who are cynical about marraige are entitled. i also think they're probably lonely. i have met and studied americans. i met and studied every type of man and woman. i remember those with a lasting love more vivid and more vibrant. men or women who were still with their chosen life partner absolutley shine. when they tell the stories.....the good always outweigh the bad. i know there will be bad times. BRING EM THE FUCK ON! i have slept in potra potties. i have lived on crackers and water. i never had a partner to strategize with. i can handle the bad. i know that the good will be beyond any good that i would have found alone. just thinking about raising children makes me smile.

i think denese and i are the cliche. we are the exact example of two people who will be together until death do us part. with her in my corner, i am winning the fight against nicotine addiction (15 days without) and this is something i thought was impossible.

so heres a little eat a bag of dicks to everyone who thinks marraige is a ridiculous "institution". i know how you feel in an empty bed. i know you feel when you reach the summit and no cares. i know how you feel being kicked on the ground with no one to help you heal.
Last edited by YABYUM on May 11th, 2008, 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » May 11th, 2008, 3:44 pm

Sorry Ronnie. I'm a little jaded. I truly believe in the institution of marriage. I know it can work for some people. I just wasn't one of the lucky ones. I wish you and Denese all the best. Use Cecil and SooZ as your example. Not those of us with sad, sarcastic, sardonic senses of humor. If you know how it feels, then you know how I feel.

Oh well.

Hey, I figure it's better to joke about it and laugh then to get depressed and cry. If you don't find joking about it funny the way I do, then that's a good thing. That means you are in love and you have all the high hopes you should have for a beautiful successful marriage.

I'm 54 years old. I got married 2x. Both times I walked down the aisle, I had high hopes. Both of my husbands cheated on me. Now I'm alone and struggling as a single mother. You don't need to feel sorry for me. I am better off alone than with cheats and liars. Since then I've tried but it hasn't worked out, unfortunately. I cannot tell you how lonely I am. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to have a partner.

So if you want to say "fuck you" to me, that's fine. Fuck me. So what? I'm a loser.

YOU are a winner! Be happy about that! I am happy for you!

My nephew is getting married the same day you are.

Here are some love songs I selected for his wedding. Enjoy listening. Believe in Love! It is a gift!

http://studioeight.tv/weddingmusic/

The songs won't stay up long. Only until the wedding because they take up 70 megabytes and I don't have room on the server to host them forever. So listen while you can.

Much love to you and your bride!

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...

Post by YABYUM » May 11th, 2008, 4:07 pm

perhaps i will edit my post and take out the fuck you. a bit over the top perhaps. it was meant with sarcasm, not malicious. i'll think of something a little more sarcastic and a bit less fuck youish. you know i would never say that to you, doreen.

as for that sense of marraige humor....no, i dont get it. hope i never do.
i came from a broken home. horrible, nasty divorce. remember the moment my dad tried to explain it to me, his 7 year old son, why he was leaving home. (mom cheated)

i take this step very seriously. i get knots thinking about what a raw deal i got as a child. and as some here at the studio already know.....i have only my dad left. i lost my brother, two sisters and mother 13 years ago. they are members of a cult. they are dead to me as i am to them. my children will never ever know the pain that had to live through.

denese and i both went into to parenthood willingly. no accident. we chose marraige because we love each other. the baby was a huge factor, yes. not the reason. we would have been married anyway.

sorry if i was a bit harsh doreen....its why i posted my rant over here.
http://frombeerstobabies.blogspot.com/

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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » May 11th, 2008, 4:18 pm

Edit -

I'm sending you this message by pm

:)
Last edited by Doreen Peri on May 12th, 2008, 7:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by gypsyjoker » May 11th, 2008, 6:48 pm

I don't know anything about marriage yabyum, I have never been married.

I am not cynical about it. I just don't want to get married cause I know any woman that would want to marry me must be bat shit crazy.

I mean I am so old and broke and my credit a joke. She would spend the rest of her life getting her credit sorted out.

"Perfect kindness is true love", the troubadours sang in 12th century France.

Be kind to each other.
Best wishes
I wish I could dance at your wedding.
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Post by mtmynd » May 12th, 2008, 10:05 am

Yab... strong read you've put out here. I like your hopes and desires... they are strengthened by, not only your wants, but your needs.

On marriage... getting married was something Soo & I did one day. For quite awhile after that I noticed that the 'certificate of marriage' became more of a wedge between us... a third party-type of thing. 'Being married' became something that held me (and Soo) to a much different standard than what we had prior to marriage. We discussed this 'revelation' and ended up laughing about it. 'Getting married' was something we did... but our lives together is not based upon a license. Our lives together are what we do every day and every day (still!) we both learn and teach... nourishing in a myriad of ways. That's growth and growth requires nourishment to sustain itself. You'll find as your life goes along that love comes and goes, up and down, but being open and honest with each other... your friendship is the foundation for your relationship.

Note: Years ago a fellow I worked with, a 20's-something dude, told me that he was getting married. "What? How long have you known this girl?" I was blown away because he was not the type to be marrying at that point in his life. He answered she wanted to get married, so...

I asked point blank: "Are your friends?" His look was one of total confusion - his eyes got very serious, he looked hard at me.. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Who gives a fuck about that!" was his reply. I wished him good luck while shaking his hand.

His marriage lasted no more than two months.

Don't underestimate the power of friendship... true friendship.

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....

Post by YABYUM » May 12th, 2008, 3:38 pm

thanks for all your replies. i like this subject. people have very serious answers.

Trucking.....you can dance a jig and send it in spirit on the 24th.

cecil....we are great, intimate friends. our home is full of laughter. especially when she reads my posts and sees how i cannot spell words with the letter i and e, and a myriad of others. (as i'm sure you too noticed)
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Post by mtmynd » May 12th, 2008, 3:56 pm

"we are great, intimate friends. our home is full of laughter..."

congratulations to you both.... you got it made! :lol:

(psst... i'll be getting back to you regarding your last em... i've got other doings in the works right now. be patient, por favor. thx!)

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Post by Arcadia » May 13th, 2008, 5:56 pm

oh boy... you sound like a fucking preacher here...!!!!!! :lol: (don´t worry I guess we all tend to sound a bit preachy from time to time!!!) but I like you and I know you are sincere!!!!!! :)
I didn´t know yabyum that part of your family was/is in a cult?.... it sounds sad & complicated... :(
To celebrate two persons that they love each other and they want to share their lives together (with or without officcial marriage) never leaves place for irony, it´s beautiful, a beautiful life´s gift for both of you, your family and us too, the cyber-community of friends!!!!!! :)
Thanks for sharing this time with us & best wishes on the 24th of may!!!!!! (I´ll do cheers for you from this side of the world!!!!!!! :wink: )
besos,

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Post by Dave The Dov » May 14th, 2008, 8:54 am

Sorry to have read all that you went through in your life. But I see you getting married as a shining moment for you and the start of something new in your life!!!! :D
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Post by gypsyjoker » May 14th, 2008, 3:14 pm

Sorry to hear about the strife/rift in your family
They are dead to you, are dead to them?

You are not saying much about it except for that quote from Corinthians so I suppose you believe them to be in a chiristian cult of some kind.
1 Corinthians 15:33
Paul is talking about those people with whom we associate or fellowship. We tend to take on the character of the group with which we associate. If we associate with people of bad character, they will succeed in pulling us down to their level.
Better listen to St Paul, don't be hanging round Catfish John

I don't loose much sleep about religious cults. It is the cult of science that troubles my dreams.



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None of my beeswax but I was wondering if it is going to be a church wedding?
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'Blessed is he who was not born, Or he, who having been born, has died. But as for us who live, woe unto us, Because we see the afflictions of Zion, And what has befallen Jerusalem." Pseudepigrapha

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Post by still.trucking » May 23rd, 2009, 12:01 pm

Happy ani versa ree
"some can and some can't"
still hoping you can.

I been missing seeing you around. Then I started reading your back pages and remembered it is a year since you all wimped out.


Interesting NPR Show about a punk musician who is into country music now.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/stor ... =104295072





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Post by hester_prynne » May 23rd, 2009, 5:32 pm

Marital longevity indeed has it's rewards and it is lamentable to not have that....but after having tried it and having it not work out, I'm OK with being by myself. Life would be perfect actually, if I liked where I was and what I was doing.

I'm glad for you that you have realized the potential rewards of achieving longevity with your partner. You have come a long way Ronnie. My best of wishes to you man.
H 8)
"I am a victim of society, and, an entertainer"........DW

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still.trucking
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Post by still.trucking » May 23rd, 2009, 10:54 pm

I think I jumped the gun here hester, five more days to go for one year.

How come you hear about maiden aunts but there are no maiden uncles?

That's me, just an old maid, and I am used to it. I could not give up my solitude. I felt like I was married once, but I never was.
"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." Barbara Ehrenreich

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Doreen Peri
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Post by Doreen Peri » May 23rd, 2009, 10:56 pm

I saw Denese's post on Facebook announcing the anniversary as today. Sorry... maybe I read it wrong.

Happy Anniversary to you both no matter which day it is!

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