marraige is for wimps.....5/11/08
Posted: May 11th, 2008, 3:32 pm
cynicism is so fucked and boring
the recent thread about marraige really got me thinking. i am going to married in two weeks. i never thought it would happen. i was always the wide open sort who would rather be passing like a thief in the night. in my life i have had only one girlfreind, we lasted close to five years, it ended with my heart being broken. i deserved it. i cheated, i lied, i drank, i lived like i was single and never once respected the love that we could have cultivated into a forever bond. we sometimes speak in e mails, but that is difficult. even in the normal freindly passive words, i think we both feel something like lament. i know that we'll be in contact for years to come and will forever wish the best into each others lives.
the reason i bring up this past relationship.....
after it ended, i continued to travel north america. i swore of commited relationships forever. i knew i was incapable. i loved having sex with all the beautiful girls in all the beautiful states or provinces. i wanted not to break any hearts, not fulfill a promise, i wanted to be free to do as i pleased. and so i did. i learned from that relationship what i was capable of. i learned that love was something i was not ready to give or recieve.
then i met Denese. we met at a restaurant where i was a cook and she a hostess. we made eyes so many times. after many failed attempts, she finally decided to go out with me for a few drinks. it just so happened that she chose the night before i was to head west for a rendezvous with an old road freind in vegas. we fell in love. i left the next morning. she went back to college.
vegas lasted 6 months. then to denver. then back east. through the entire journey i would call Denese and talk at great lengths. disposable cell phones, collect calls, borrowed phones, snuck calls from a job....we knew we'd be together. though neither one of us spoke in longingly. after a summer in Jersey, the time was right. i greyhounded back out west and joined my bride to be.
i cannot explain how excited i am to be married. i am ready. i love this woman. i cant wait to raise our children. i look forward to being able to share moments and time with a partner, instead of lonely hostel beds and drunken screams to a empty moon. i think those who are cynical about marraige are entitled. i also think they're probably lonely. i have met and studied americans. i met and studied every type of man and woman. i remember those with a lasting love more vivid and more vibrant. men or women who were still with their chosen life partner absolutley shine. when they tell the stories.....the good always outweigh the bad. i know there will be bad times. BRING EM THE FUCK ON! i have slept in potra potties. i have lived on crackers and water. i never had a partner to strategize with. i can handle the bad. i know that the good will be beyond any good that i would have found alone. just thinking about raising children makes me smile.
i think denese and i are the cliche. we are the exact example of two people who will be together until death do us part. with her in my corner, i am winning the fight against nicotine addiction (15 days without) and this is something i thought was impossible.
so heres a little eat a bag of dicks to everyone who thinks marraige is a ridiculous "institution". i know how you feel in an empty bed. i know you feel when you reach the summit and no cares. i know how you feel being kicked on the ground with no one to help you heal.
the recent thread about marraige really got me thinking. i am going to married in two weeks. i never thought it would happen. i was always the wide open sort who would rather be passing like a thief in the night. in my life i have had only one girlfreind, we lasted close to five years, it ended with my heart being broken. i deserved it. i cheated, i lied, i drank, i lived like i was single and never once respected the love that we could have cultivated into a forever bond. we sometimes speak in e mails, but that is difficult. even in the normal freindly passive words, i think we both feel something like lament. i know that we'll be in contact for years to come and will forever wish the best into each others lives.
the reason i bring up this past relationship.....
after it ended, i continued to travel north america. i swore of commited relationships forever. i knew i was incapable. i loved having sex with all the beautiful girls in all the beautiful states or provinces. i wanted not to break any hearts, not fulfill a promise, i wanted to be free to do as i pleased. and so i did. i learned from that relationship what i was capable of. i learned that love was something i was not ready to give or recieve.
then i met Denese. we met at a restaurant where i was a cook and she a hostess. we made eyes so many times. after many failed attempts, she finally decided to go out with me for a few drinks. it just so happened that she chose the night before i was to head west for a rendezvous with an old road freind in vegas. we fell in love. i left the next morning. she went back to college.
vegas lasted 6 months. then to denver. then back east. through the entire journey i would call Denese and talk at great lengths. disposable cell phones, collect calls, borrowed phones, snuck calls from a job....we knew we'd be together. though neither one of us spoke in longingly. after a summer in Jersey, the time was right. i greyhounded back out west and joined my bride to be.
i cannot explain how excited i am to be married. i am ready. i love this woman. i cant wait to raise our children. i look forward to being able to share moments and time with a partner, instead of lonely hostel beds and drunken screams to a empty moon. i think those who are cynical about marraige are entitled. i also think they're probably lonely. i have met and studied americans. i met and studied every type of man and woman. i remember those with a lasting love more vivid and more vibrant. men or women who were still with their chosen life partner absolutley shine. when they tell the stories.....the good always outweigh the bad. i know there will be bad times. BRING EM THE FUCK ON! i have slept in potra potties. i have lived on crackers and water. i never had a partner to strategize with. i can handle the bad. i know that the good will be beyond any good that i would have found alone. just thinking about raising children makes me smile.
i think denese and i are the cliche. we are the exact example of two people who will be together until death do us part. with her in my corner, i am winning the fight against nicotine addiction (15 days without) and this is something i thought was impossible.
so heres a little eat a bag of dicks to everyone who thinks marraige is a ridiculous "institution". i know how you feel in an empty bed. i know you feel when you reach the summit and no cares. i know how you feel being kicked on the ground with no one to help you heal.