Coyote Trails

[stilltrucking]

that bike of mine and studio eight like another chance at life, I am a sick puppy self inflicted, if I don't make it out of this rut, I will have died trying.

Visualize my self light on my feet again, in the meantime I been wondering about what lost wire asked a few months ago, something about what do you expect from poetry,

wondering what I expect from this constant jamming of mine,
maybe to be a bad example for others

but mostly I mine it for nuggets of kindness to others, and other good deeds that have their own rewards.

my bike not too clean looking, the lines I mean, I got hose clamps on the handle bars to hold the flash light I am using for a headlight and I got two flashing red lights tied on with clamps on the back.

sitting here in the fading light of the day thinking about whether I want to ride at night again. I enjoy the little edge it gives to it, the darkness and the attendant dangers there of:

a little too far over the edge last night, I been thinking about getting a balaclava to hide my face from oncoming headlights, I was hanging on with a grimace sorry that son of bitch got to see my face when he got right on top of me and slowed down and threw his brights in my face, and I was blinded by the gravity got dam anger and fear, go together like ...I was hanging on staring down looking for the road and fucking pissed off, almost lost my grip

does that make sense, all of a sudden I got some kind of aphasia and I can;t read what I just wrote, like the Bear in the old Pogo comic strip

happy trails

[stilltrucking]

gravity almost got me
till we make escape velocity
and fly away
till then
we are earthbound — sometimes with a crash
I should have sped up not slowed down,
but I was angry and gave in to the fear
lost my nerve

oh lordy
confessions of a dark night of the soul
only Anne Sexton could do it better
or is that just my vanity again

[the mingo]

don't ya just love it when they do that shit? - i try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they are trying to see what they are looking at but when they do it up & down more than once there is little mistake it's on purpose - hard to be done to when ya got no getback to give - have learned one thing about night riding on a bike - just because the sun go down don't mean the idiots do -

[Unk]

how the hell did I ever survive to a ripe old age,
a matter of nerves, maybe my wires are getting brittle
I always liked that song about Jesus Take The Wheel, got me trough some close calls on ice, kept me cool as a Buddha on my stool but nobody had the handlebars but me and I was flashing back to the first time I rode a bike and and had no idea of what momentum can do for a body, like marvelous action, hard to balance on a bike when them wheels are still,

I don't think I will ride on a Friday night again,
"when you are swerving on life's highway
...your all tanked up but no ones at the wheel"

I think I might try to read this, I was sussing out "forearmed is forewarned"
when I found it
https://archive.org/stream/freewillfore ... 5/mode/2up

[the mingo]

the sun has gone down - it's a tag-end of a heavy rainstorm - thunder too - peepers are going nuts down in the marshes & swamps - they won't all make it through this night because the snakes are out & hungry from a winter's long sleep - guess that's true for every living thing anywhere & everywhere - some make it through the next hour & some don't -

passed by a conversation today just in time to catch this fragment of it, "she's got his head so far up her ass he don't know what is what anymore" -

that's it

[stilltrucking]

If I don't ride my day is a loss, feel all out of sorts, getting addicted to the momentum

last cold snap here we hope, always happens just after we decide it is safe to put the plants outside, near here in the hill country it's going to be a long night for the people in the peach orchards.

I can't seem to keep death in mind, always forgetting about that half hour so I drift off into a lot of petty little shit, grievances, grudges..shit like that

on the bike the best moments for me, the road still owns me

feral cats tomorrow load got them in cages for the Animal Defense League. Is possible to form such a league for humans I wonder. Ain't we animals too?

Looking at headlights, nothing but techno-lust, the big flash light seems to work fine it just looks so ugly the way I got it jerry rigged, or as we say round here nigger rigged
white texans don't think about themselves as southerners, but westeners


CygoLite Metro 500 USB Rechargeable Headlight, that sucker is bright

[the mingo]

yesterday 75 with wind - today 36 with rain - no riding today for sure so I'll get me to the bike shop & grab a bike lock - necessary around here - need an Allen wrench set too, everything on the Tripel is metric & all the adjustments, seat, handlebars, brakes, all allen key - the Coyote is mostly metric too come to think of it - you watch, as soon as I get that new set of allen keys the set I already have and is among the missing will suddenly appear from wherever it's hiding -

I hear ya on the riding - I'm addicted to it too - it's freeing - walk out the door throw a leg over your machine and you're a man & his wheels or, in my head, a man & his pony just out to explore the trail & the day - ain't no lights on the Tripel yet - gonna have to wait to outfit it -
had a chance to night ride two days ago under an almost full moon too but I had spent the whole day on the bike & wasn't packing the ass for it - slept like a baby that night -

it don't have to be velocity anymore - it just has to be motion - techno lust & all

[stilltrucking]

set my alarm for 2:30 this morning I wanted to see the blood moon.

mega churches 20,000 plus
one here talking up the eclipse last night
they been talking up the four blood moons
and the end of the times
even on the evening happy talk news
after the cat videos (I love cat videos)
took the cats to the no kill shelter
they will neuter feral cats for free,

why would anyone want to kill a cat because it is a convenient way of being rid of them. My uncle Abe may he rest in peace was the cat killer in my family, take them in a weighted sack and toss them in the harbor. He would make no secrete of it, I remember throwing a spoiled brat fit when he heard about it. Ah tantrums, those deep heart wrenching sobs of children, I knew one kid that was so fucked up his grandparents had to give him a suitcase to jump up and down on and crush just to release the kid from his rage. They owned a pawnshop, lots of suitcases.
easter/passover
I celebrated with fried matzos and bacon (turkey beacon) cause I am a pious Jew, or so I pretend to be, the maker knows my intentions

something to celebrate
ain't we all got to celebrate
we do here in the home of the homesick and the brave

listening to willie and waylon singing in the year 2003 minus 25
but silence now, just the sound of a dish washer chugging away and these keys being abused.

[the mingo]

I know Jack, but ya ever ride that thing right into the sunrise?

[stilltrucking]

maybe you do maybe you don't
way past metaphors
no sunrise no sunset
just the void of deep space and death
I pedal till my ass hurts
then I sit here and my ass hurts somemore
and it is all vanity
a thin thread my life hangs by
but it is all cool
cause when I die I am going to that heavenly choir where I will hear the music and my pitch will be perfect.

ride to live
that's all
i do not wish to end my life at this point in time
however if I die today, this morning, in the next half hour, it is okay
cause I would not have missed it for the world

maybe I will be back again someday
maybe I won't
but I am here on a beautiful morning in the republic of paradise eating oatmeal smoking hash, and typing to cyber pal I admire, feel so good I would kill for Jesus, or Muhanned no wonder they gave this stuff to their assassins,

a niche
a toe in the door
a nose under the tent
happy trails on studio eight
it is the good friday
which is a strange name for a grisly execution
but then my mother died on thanksgiving day, and I was grateful, then I felt guilty for being grateful, but then some years passed and I am grateful again

ride um cowboy
off into your sun set
but don't forget to kiss your horse
before you go

[the mingo]

- trouble with religion is vitamin D will not regrow already rotting teeth -

[Hypatia]

"If you ain't bombed in Birmingham, you ain't one of us"

that's the problem with methamphetamine too.
but I can see why he feels like he needs it
like instant self esteem

[the mingo]

topic? fuck that - life is not a topic or a sentence or a poem - if ya think ya can reduce it to that or express any moment of it in any form whatsoever you might as well go fuck a dog or find a dog that will fuck you - writing is exactly like masturbation but without the feel of fingers on your cock which always sends me - it always goes somewhere - don't be afraid -
eat jello while viewing erotic images or just porn it don't matter in america because there's no such place - ask the canadians - the mexicans are too busy with their grip watch the sun go down as you spurt without net or wires - a freebie - remember - pretty near all of it is foolishness - there is no more self-deluded term in use than "self-expression" - liquid bullshit from top to bottom - suck it through a straw - it is taught no less can ya believe it?
"creative" is another over-used word as if it too could be taught - being human there is no way not to be creative every moment of the day or night & holy shit - and spoken of in spiritual terms as something holy - if we were lost that would be one thing but worse we are all in church believing holy things about self-expression - consider the lilies of the field and the septic systems of the living simultaneously if ya really want something worth "thinking" about - whatever anyone is looking for does not exist - except for masturbation & jello & the sun going down

[the mingo]

just watched a movie that put me clean to sleep - what the hell good was that? when I woke up the movie was still going on - i said no no no & got the hell outta there - nothing could save that movie - not nothing - pure ooze

[the mingo]

best advice I ever heard that actually proved out -

if your lonely
get a dog