Cancer lady, firstly

[SadLuckDame]

It's not that I've just now decided, it's that I know
I'm not meant for cold places.

[the mingo]

I stuck my nose in the wind tonight and smelled nothin' but cold.

I don't know though D. One of my sons lives in Florida. He's not enthused with it except when he calls in January braggin' that he's wearing a t-shirt and flipflops outside. I couldn't handle the heat & humidity all the time like that.

Ten degrees below zero with 25 mph winds from the north ain't my favorite place either.

What ya goin' to do ?

Not too many thousands of years ago the place where I'm tapping this out was under a couple thousand feet of ice.

Now that would have been something to see.

'Nite.

[SadLuckDame]

I don't know what I'm gonna do, really.
I guess I'd truly just want to travel around the u.s. and see every place I can muster with a dude who keeps a girl like me entirely entertained. Poor Trucker, I saw what he wrote about women and their needs for amusement at a man's expense. I feel slightly guilty admitting how much I seek out to be wholly entertained.

If I travel mingo, I can go south for winter and any none southern in the summer. I've an itch to see it all here.

Skip out on the cold before it numbs me seasonally.
I can be a girl of the sunshine.
Thanks u mingo for hanging here when I'm being confessional. A lot of people wouldn't do it, but I notice when you do.
smiles.

[the mingo]

I give a listen just to keep ya around D, not to mention the fact that you're straight up damn interesting. People come and go here which is natural. But it seems that the ones who go are always the ones ya want to stay and ain't that the way it is.

I got my wandering ways pretty much satisfied in my youth. In fact I started right after high school and didn't quit 'til I was in my very late forties. I still like to roll down a road now and again but the big migrations are all behind me. Go if ya can. Get excited. Have fun.

I did miss my forests here the whole time I was gone. The only place I ever saw that talked to me the way the forests here talk to me was northern Arizona. Ain't that strange though? The land is so different there than here. And the Black Hills of South Dakota. If ya ever git out on the road and ya pass through either of those places I'd appreciate if ya let me know that they are still majestic and beautiful.

And I don't mind confessions.

And thx for noticing.

[SadLuckDame]

Did you read Charlie's travels by John Steinbeck? There's a natural craving there. I'd be satisfied just going it alone, if I'd be capable, but I'm doubtful of that. I'd gone on a Greyhound, felt scared the entire way, but exhilarated and stronger by the end. Anxieties a plenty, but none came about. This was somewhat recent, a push towards independence. It was a small pocket of light to examine myself in.
I rather enjoy myself for company, might be ego in that, but I'm bare.
There's only one other I'd like to explore at the moment, but he's forgotten me by now.

mingo, I just like being here, the conversation is pleasing to my thoughts. Everything flows, and I feel a part of it, which is a rarity.

[stilltrucking]

I saw what he wrote about women and their needs for amusement at a man's expense. I feel slightly guilty admitting how much I seek out to be wholly entertained.

I am not much of a writer if that is what I said. Not what I meant at all.
I always liked this bit from the Great Gatsby, I don't know if there really was a French poet who wrote that or if Fitzgerald made it up himself.

"Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her,
If you can bounce high; bounce high for her
Till she cries "Lover, gold-hatted,
high-bouncing lover, I must have you!""
Author: Thomas Parke DInvilliers

I guess it was a psuedonym
http://reading.cornell.edu/reading_proj ... ast.htm#A3

[SadLuckDame]

This was good stuff, Jack. I read it up before I'd gone to bed and there it lingered.

[the mingo]

I did read Travels with Charlie but it was awhile ago now. I enjoyed it. Have you checked out Blue Highways by William Least Heat Moon? That was a good one too.

[SadLuckDame]

I'll have to look for it mingo.
I'm gonna spend the week-end in bed with a book.

[the mingo]

Today's already used up for me. Tomorrow don't know what I'm gonna do. Just the way I like it.

[SadLuckDame]

I'm part way through A Portrait of a Lady.

I find I'm very frustrated with time--for I've not enough, when I'd lived so long with an overwhelming abundance of pure boredom of my own company of too much time on my hands, now I'm dreading how quickly it slips away. I've all these thoughts and I can't sit with hardly any of them. I've now seen both sides of the equation, and both are impossible to be easy with.

Anyway, my latest thought has to do with how I get greatly affected from whatever book it is I'm devouring. This one has me mostly too affectionate in my language. A lot of intimacy in friendships, that is not shown today, it's but a ghost existing between dead author's pages, and here I've been collecting it up unconsciously. I feel again out of place, ill-fitting and a ghost too.

Sometimes I'm an Anais as a seducing actress, or possessed of some witchery, by way of Hawthorne's hung ladies fairly free-done.

It's not an excuse, more an observation tonight. I'm rather Cancerain and can't get passed my obstacles. There I am, I'm stuck and don't at all like looking in on myself. I'd prefer a fever and be unawares.

The 10 has been a nasty start, both reality and imaginary has me ill done. I'm not becoming a better person, I'm getting destructive. I don't like at all what I've become or started noticing. People grate on my nerves constantly, and there's no fix for time is so hurrying I can't play Alice much. Alice you can paint. I can not.

Good-night.

[SadLuckDame]

There's no time left to turn it,
turn it, turn it
till it's something other than
what it is
till it heals me
till I laugh suddenly.
I quite know how to please myself,
but only if given the time.

[the mingo]

"til I laugh suddenly" - I LOVE this line. It was the only sound I could hear as I read it.

[SadLuckDame]

Thanks mingo.
Laughing is such an attractive characteristic.
To laugh
to hear a laugh
and to find someone to laugh with.
I'd call it worthwhile.

Smiles from me.

Today I'd imagined two people in real time who cause me some pains,
and so I'd pictured them like scribbled drawings and crumbled them up in my hands, tossed them to the wind and now I'm free momentarily to go loops and giggles into a great, grateful day. I'm going to really enjoy it. A healthy night's contemplation, daydreams to sleep and healed up on restorations.
I feel better than fine.

We could all crumble up our adversaries and go smile all day today. The sun shines.
The sun shines.

[SadLuckDame]

I was full up on negativity, this week. The x took his new exclusive lady on vacation to f.a. for a week-- a request I've put in for many years to go vacation (not there, but to somewhere), but he'd had no time for it or the extra expenses, etc. so to hear this news this week had me undone with terrible things such as jealousies and eating alive with angers, blah, blah.

Plus, at work the boss lady has been such a distasteful personality, that one of the employees walked out on the spot and quit, which left us short and strained all week. Then the boss lady over-exaggerated on the poor girl's reputation and discolored it to her disadvantage, but to the boss lady's advantage. Which put me in a struggling position on the 'what to do". I wrestled with morals, values, anger, gossip, and just things pretty darkening.

I've been unhealthy with these two people in my life.
It's not about what they've done today, I decided,
it's about what I should be doing. I should just ball it all up, throw it out and change up my attitude, fix my darkening mood, or else I'll be just as destructive as they are. Resist the negatives and embrace the beautiful, love in the light, dabble in the good and I can heal up.

Darkness will eat when and where and whom it can. I was allowing it, but not today. Today I resist and today is bright.