Cancer lady, firstly

The confessions. It's all in my head. It's all in my head.

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jackofnightmares
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by jackofnightmares » February 10th, 2011, 10:23 am

the only thing that you have ever wrote to me that troubles me is when you wrote I frightened you.

not good I just don't like the sound of that.

I had not intended to be a horror writer. except maybe for a bit about horror porn, something I would call spider love, but alas there are no marikets for drug crazed sex and rock and roll anymore.


keep on keeping on dame
I am nice guy
I wouldn't hurt a fly
and besides that
we are thousands of miles apart
and I ain't going no where
except into this text box everyday.

boy I never meant to scare you
alseep at the wheel
that scares me

sorry dame
"Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect" George Santayana, The Idea of Christ in the Gospels

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » February 10th, 2011, 10:50 pm

You don't scare me right now,
it's just that is only thing about being scared,
I'm not at the moment. :P

Some times my paranoia is front and stage.
I do have a couple small issues I'm working on.
Men, being one of them. I want to fully trust,
but can't say I've ever fully trusted. And this comes barreling out,
only not today, cause today I'm healthy.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » February 13th, 2011, 12:34 pm

Notes on the late night:

Break there
and pull yourself together over here.

He's the one I've guarded
and guided to my bosom,
to my heart in it's rawest

an occurrence tended,
typical and I'm befooled.

But, what she's presented was
maybe in the time you'd lost it
was also in the time you'd kept it
and what was kept, what was lost
what was lost, what was kept 'cause of.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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short timer
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by short timer » February 17th, 2011, 7:21 am

beeing healthy is good as it gets
I think Einstein was right
I am sure he would be pleased to hear that I agree, time is relative.

I am as healthy as I can get at seventy, but stuff wears out.
I am still tr ying to use what I got left
still got plenty to use, plenty to lose
interesting old age thanks to the internet, thanks to the god of war too, I suppose

Mars and lucky stars
breakfast of champions
Blood encrusted Mars.

boy talk about a mind wandering
this new pain med is very strange
another shift in consciousness

thought about Emily Dickinson so far this morning alot
thinking about the culprit life
and the soul selects her own company

Ha
what was this thread about?
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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » February 17th, 2011, 7:43 am

Oh, I don't know,
guess it's about anything we makes it
and I think it's looking good.

Jack, I've been snow for a long time
the past few months is like frost bite.
Only warm spot is out here in the sun,
keeping the conversations to distract me.

I don't know why I live here where there's snow.

Being healthy.
I wouldn't know you were 70 unless you told me,
the characters I have you in mind for
you can do practically everything. :P

The soul selects. I likes that very much.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » February 21st, 2011, 11:02 pm

I do not like him
not at all like him
not even teensy
or eeny eeny,
he is a mean!
mr. fiend. mr. fiend.
And I'm unhappy.

Damn! your cold shoulder strut.
Let's sit at a table
and you can tell me I'm a brat.
Sit with me and say it twice,
I am the most unhappy.
I am, I am. :evil:
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » March 10th, 2011, 8:16 am

Stormy eyed girl
what is it you say to me,
you say such of now
the pillars are dead,
the pillars are dead.

How to be a pillar.
I need to know this,
to be instrumental
in generations
with such and such
personality and strong messages.

I want to leave messages
to my children
and their children.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » March 26th, 2011, 3:05 pm

I'm finding myself getting really mad with the zen philosophy.
I do not like being at peace and just in a relaxed state of mind,
accepting my fate without making a big sand dance if I wanna!
Stop toying with me zen, I want reciprocation, I go for gusts, floods, hurricanes, and tornadoes! I'm not of your calm state of mind.

Either lash out or leave me free.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » April 25th, 2011, 9:08 pm

Because I lose it elsewhere.

Introverted (I) 100% Extroverted (E) 0%
Intuitive (N) 86% Sensing (S) 14%
Feeling (F) 95% Thinking (T) 5%
Perceiving (P) 91% Judging (J) 9%

IFPN-"the hoarder"- A combination of strong sensory and feeling preference makes this type prone to collecting various objects to symbolize emotional states and periods in time.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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still.trucking
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by still.trucking » April 26th, 2011, 8:14 pm

Not sure what I am firstly, to sum it up in a astrological symbol. Sagitarius or the year of the dragon, or maybe it was the rat

firstly I am a scribler
maybe a scribner

I too would like to leave messages for children
I been reading Kerouac again, I found the joy again after too long reading too much about his suffering. Dear old St Jack

He knew who he was, but he made it into a message for other peoples children. bless his memory

this bit I like a lot
what I was trying to say about knowing my fears, knowing my darkness, you have good night vision dame
Life and living means monsters, too.
I don't intend to harm anyone,
breaks my heart to think I'd be just as deadly
as any human can achieve.

I don't want to contaminate,
I'd prefer to heal
and correct even if it was inevitable
that the sky would grow dark, thick in ash.
In the meantime I am reading On The Road again and it is like the first time I read it again. Did I mention that?

He could write about the negativity but not dwell in it
he dwelt in poetry
and I scribble onward

juxtaposition Jack and Henry

“Everything I had ever secretly held against my brother was coming out: how ugly I was and what filth I was discovering in the depths of my own impure pyscholgies”



"The psychoanalysts have traced the poison back to the womb but to what avail?"
"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." Barbara Ehrenreich

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » April 26th, 2011, 9:59 pm

I'm reading Sons and Lovers by Lawrence.
Yes, I like to be happy in the dark, a home grown comfort I s'pose.
All I can think about today is that at least we're thinking about thinking about it.
Jack was a good man too, I know he had his issues, but he was a good man too.

Jack, read my mind and this will go easy when I don't know hows to type it out, especially on the days when none of it is in it's place, but it's like a crowd in my head and all talks at one time.

The sun's shining, the rain comes and goes and I can't tell you how absolutely good it all feels. I shouldn't have let the winter get to me, but man! I sure love how Spring does. She's a comforting darling, let me tell you.
My first read a few years ago was On the Road.
I got hooked.

I'd hitchhike if it weren't so fearsome, I'd hop on trains too.
I think I could handle sleeping along the road, if it weren't for the fear of it all,
it'd be an exciting like.

Are you dragon too?
I don't know nothing about dragons except that I feel like a dragon when the adrenaline gets a puff up. puffing.
Sweet dreams, Jack.


It's not so much the ugly of it all, it's pretty beautiful.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » April 28th, 2011, 6:51 am

"if you don't like it, alter it, and if you can't alter it, put up with it."
Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
My Dad prolly raised me on this and then when forgotten about altering, the minkee reminded me of it. I always knew I could endure, but the option of altering is pretty damn classy. The stories of our lives, we are cute. :P
Can't blame anyone cause always there's these two options before us. lol
and I like getting my feminine hands muddy.
I'll do both, be indifferent or transform.
mmm could be key to happiness.
Thanks Jack.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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still.trucking
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by still.trucking » April 29th, 2011, 8:28 am

I read more fiction these days.

Sometimes if I love a book too much I have to slow read it, Love In The Ruins by Walker Percy for months now,

God almighty I will be reading Tropic of Cancer for years to come— only about forty pages so far. I don't spend much time reading the parts about cunts and prickes, I don't need to dwell on that.
Christ I saw a woman's nipple the other day and it floated in and out of consciousness all day.

I got hung up sidetracked about Rimbaud, that "minor poet" 8)
but I love what Miller has to say about him. I been thinking about finding a cheap e-book called The Time of The Assassins, a prose poem about Rimbaud by Miller.

I feel like I been a living suicide for thirty one years, "mind blind" to women

thanks for being a woman
dear sister
mostly I am a racist
or as my Friend on studio eight say "A latent racist"
NO nothing latent about my racism
Firstly I was a Jew
in my mother's womb
took me a long time realize a woman is a jewess, a woman is a woman is a rose.

Harder to do with brothers
A guy thing I guess
I sometimes feel like Ishmael, except for my siblings
I have to look for them in my gentile brothers. that is what gets me about Obama, his mother is white so he is a black man cause of his father's skin.
If his mother was a Jewess there would be no question, he would have been born a Jew. Somepeople do convert, if you want to marry orthodox you have to get a circumsision even if you already been cut auch

Who the hell were these people my mothers and fathers before me
When ever I feel special, chosen
I remember what an old Freind told me what we were c hosen for

Just a family tradition I suppose, I never see it as race question on the Census form.

Amor Fati I am what I am
I would like to be it for a long long time
Not bored with it yet

It must be nice to be Italian or Greek too
Except for the religions

My god how much baggage former Catholics walk around with.

And Henry is my hero these days, he tells me to move away from it float on a river of joy
"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." Barbara Ehrenreich

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still.trucking
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by still.trucking » April 29th, 2011, 8:31 am

Speaking of something too good to read, I read this the way I read Walker Percy and Henry Miller
Hosting Ghosts by Dadio this morning
http://studioeight.tv/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=21513
"Natural selection, as it has operated in human history, favors not only the clever but the murderous." Barbara Ehrenreich

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SadLuckDame
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Re: Cancer lady, firstly

Post by SadLuckDame » June 12th, 2011, 10:00 pm

I'm strictly this girl,
which is upsetting to some,
but not upsetting to me.

Gonna start reading Moby Dick.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll

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