In light of my title 'luck'

Post by **SadLuckDame** » September 26th, 2009, 3:10 pm

I'd decided to give a new name, because of recent changes I've been kindly dealt. Karma I'd hope, or like to think.

It's true I've been rightfully so, unlucky. Though, seasons will bring new life, no matter how long winter seemed. And I've been quite lucky, lately.

I've mentioned I've an ex and he was ten years too long rooted. First impressions can mislead. I'd not bargained for what I'd had. Truly, he is suited to many lovely ladies, those whom are social and driven to move upwards in society, etc. He's a rather good sort to most, I'd assume.

But, I with my insanities, struggled too much over my internals. Deep things that only meant a thing to me and not him, nor the congregation, not to our acquaintances.
Surprised as I was, not even our therapist would relate with me. I didn't fit her text book 10 step fix and we both felt frustrations.

Why am I full of my impossibilities and why can't I function as others in adapting. (not really asking and as a crab I cling to it often). Stubbornness, in the blood, but no excuse...
though I'd rather go against it rebelliously and keep my stubborn blood.

I'll return on the subject later.

Post by **SadLuckDame** » September 26th, 2009, 5:20 pm

I do have Jesus, he's my friend and my only to trust.
And because I grew up burning in hell for every sin I'd done,
praying God would allow me death when innocent

at 17 Jesus saved me
took me clutched to his chest
and whispered in my ear that I
no longer needed death, for he brought life
life beyond human's natural sins.
He gave me life
and I love him.

It's human for me to be guilty
and unlike the pew pew sitters
it's human to sin easily
God allowed us choice
and sinning is the easiest to make
I'm just a girl
and Jesus saw that
but loves me regardless.

Bringing this one here.
If I do anything, I want to keep my soul intact
hear it's heart beat grow stronger in my ear
I'll fight any battle I must I believe
I think I could
indestructable I'd hope
just to nurture it on
for my body isn't much without it
and it'll not steer me wrong.

Once my last breath goes
only my soul will stay it's course
I've nothing without it,
nothing at all.

Post by **stilltrucking** » November 24th, 2009, 9:08 pm

I was thirty three years old
it was two in the morning
and my mind was racing
like a rabid rabbit
and I wanted nothing more than the oblivion of sleep but I could not turn myself off
I got down on my knees and prayed to Jesus to just please let me sleep

And I heard or thought to myself a still quiet voice that said
Okay now get up and walk like a man.
That is all I got to say about Jesus.

and bloody underwear

in the past thirty five years I have been able to fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow
except for a few occasions when I was restless
because of worries about this and that
lung cancer a few years ago
I was pretty sure I had it
and then a few months ago I was in bad pain from a compressed disc in my back.
I have not asked jesus for anything since.
he has so many to look out for
I try to make it on my own.
Maybe I will hear form him again when I reach that river

Whose in the picture? Frida K.?

Post by **SadLuckDame** » November 24th, 2009, 11:51 pm

It's just my bunny and me.
I freak myself out writing about myself too much, I think I'm Frida's words.

"Maybe I will hear form him again when I reach that river "
The best way to hear him has got to be by the river,
maybees fly-fishing on the river. When it's so quiet there's nothing but your thoughts, and rivers.

I guess I don't ask him for anything for me either. I don't deserve it anyhow, so I'd feel weird to ask for it.
Once I'd prayed silently for $50 for something I truly thought I needed. 5 mins later a guy in the pews came next to me and handed me $50, said he felt God wanted him to give it, but he had no clue why.

I thought it was a miracle!

But, Jack, but guess what...I didn't really have need of that $50 I thought I had to have to change my life. I'd wasted it on foolish me, my foolish belief I could fix me with it.

I never asked for anything specific like that again. I felt like a dumb human who found out how big the universe and stuff really was bigger than my small world. My problems just don't seem very big when I really get to looking them straight in the eye like I had that day.
I know, I know
I come here and say all my problems,
I come to you and eight
but I don't know, when I get ready to take them to God
they diminish quite a lot and quickly
then I think bah! it's too small to worry Him over
it is too small mostly
Like you though, there were distinct moments or two I'd gone to him so I could sleep hat night
I remember if I was so broke I'd gone to get fixed for sleeping, too.
But, those are the times I think were the right stuffs to bring to Him
needed fixing badly
needed sleep
and to believe in me again because of him helping me.

I didn't know you'd had cancer

Post by **stilltrucking** » November 25th, 2009, 4:56 am

No I did not have lung cancer, I thought I did, sorry for not making that more clear. There is something down in my lung, one doctor called it a "dwitzel" no idea what that is.

I believe in Spinoza's god, It was good enough Einstein it is good enough for me. I think the bottom line is we got everything we need. My Christ is my own. I have no idea what anyone elses Christ is. George W Bush's for example. The Quakers speak of the Christ within that is what I believe. I also think we have an Osiris within, a Buddha within, even a Mohamed within. It is all in there in the "three pound universe" within our skulls.

“However, Einstein's God was not the God of most other men. When he wrote of religion, as he often did in middle and later life, he tended to adopt the belief of Alice's Red Queen that "words mean what you want them to mean," and to clothe with different names what to more ordinary mortals — and to most Jews — looked like a variant of simple agnosticism. Ronald W. Clark, Einstein: The Life and Times, New York: World Publishing, 1971, pp. 19-20.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/ ... ecularweb/
Albert Einstein: No God for Me, Thanks

One of my favorite gospel songs by John Prine. I think we all got our own personal Jesus.

She was a level-headed dancer on the road to alcohol
And I was just a soldier on my way to Montreal
Well she pressed her chest against me
About the time the juke box broke
Yeah, she gave me a peck on the back of the neck
And these are the words she spoke

Chorus:
Blow up your T.V. throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try an find Jesus on your own

Well, I sat there at the table and I acted real naive
For I knew that topless lady had something up her sleeve
Well, she danced around the bar room and she did the hoochy-coo
Yeah she sang her song all night long, tellin' me what to do

Repeat chorus:

Well, I was young and hungry and about to leave that place
When just as I was leavin', well she looked me in the face
I said "You must know the answer."
"She said, "No but I'll give it a try."
And to this very day we've been livin' our way
And here is the reason why

We blew up our T.V. threw away our paper
Went to the country, built us a home
Had a lot of children, fed 'em on peaches
They all found Jesus on their own

Never was a man more pussy whipped than me as I stood there with the blood soaking through my underwear at two in the morning waiting for the morning light so I could go back and get the vasectomy reversed.

But that is another story about the Elephant Who Loved Me, which I have been trying to write for over thirty years.

A journey of one step for me begins with a thousand words. Oi.

If I pray anymore it is for what Solomon asked for, "a hearing heart"

After Einstein I am a quantum mystic.
and a strange loop
I wish I could do the math.
My mind is a joke.
I can't think
Math is too hard for me
I used to love it.
Wasn't Lewis Carrol a mathematician too?

Suppose Einstein was wrong, suppose God does shoot dice with the universe?
And Neitzsche said god is dead now go and sin no more.

Have you ever read Brave New World
Instead of BC and AD he uses AF, standing for After Ford. I guess I believe in AE. After Einstein.
Was Einstein wrong about anything?
Who am I to say but I do believe in "spooky action at a distance"

Post by **stilltrucking** » November 25th, 2009, 5:29 am

RE: Spooky Action at a distance

I am still entangled up in blue

another of my favorite gospel songs
Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus

Post by **SadLuckDame** » November 30th, 2009, 12:41 am

If I Were To Love Richard Brautigan

"Give me him without a name.
He won't know who I am."

Finding you in the murky waters
during Sunday's rain.
Take me under
for fish conversation

here where the ripple begins.
I'm diving in naked with un-painted skin.

"Don't you die my fish fiend
I'm gonna make love to swimming.
You'll not know me on surface
but you'll not be lonely again.

It doesn't matter if the beetle bug saw me.
It won't matter at all.

Wouldn't make a difference if the Bill-o Bill-o frogs
belted out a Ca-. Ca! then damn frogs.

I'll open my mouth for water
eat greens from the muddy bottom.
A pond is relieving thirst
and transforming what was somber.

Things happen in the middle
let go when two nameless fish entangle.

I'll make it appear by an appearance.
Look closely there
seems as if we're sleeping.
Perception from my illusionary efforts.

But catfish, I've named you three times
and we've no use for names under water.

Post by **the mingo** » November 30th, 2009, 2:20 pm

Crazy Good. In the flesh.

Post by **SadLuckDame** » November 30th, 2009, 11:03 pm

Dear Mingo, thank you much. I had fun on this one.

Post by **SadLuckDame** » December 1st, 2009, 9:44 pm

Crow Jane

Post by **the mingo** » December 1st, 2009, 11:11 pm

Thx D never heard this or the singer before. Made me check out some more SKip. Loved the song.

Post by **SadLuckDame** » December 1st, 2009, 11:57 pm

If you liked that mingo, here's another.
I'm really spending a night on blues. This one hit a nerve and I was tearing up.

Freight train
same, but another
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm5-WdB_ ... re=related

Post by **stilltrucking** » December 2nd, 2009, 7:16 am

Poetry
stops my clock
I been reading it for a couple of days
thoughtless
nothing to say
then I heard this song

she wrote it animal logic had a hit with it
thanks for the poem
hope you like the song

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/HCBmCHEtTcw&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/HCBmCHEtTcw&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Here is Aniamal Logic's version

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ytubI5onf4Y&hl ... ram><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ytubI5onf4Y&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Post by **the mingo** » December 2nd, 2009, 2:56 pm

Thx again D. After listenin' to your last I went back to checkin' on more Skip James though. Then I got off on more blues. Was all over the place. Sheesh. Guess it was my time to do it. Then I had all sorts of dreams. Dreams can mud ya up. When that happens first thing ya gotta do when ya wake up is go to the dreamwash and get cleaned off. Too cold to go to the dreamwash this morning so I had to settle for an ordinary shower. Lots of composite women in last night's dreaming.
They kept changing too even while I was looking at them. What a mess. I started preaching a sermon to myself as I showered. That helped settle all the heebee jeebees. Did I mention a mouse woke me up this morning by rattling around in an empty cracker wrapper on the floor by the bed? He kept ducking under all the paperbacks and I kept missing. It was like he was playing with me. Then I picked up my Bible like David's stone and picked my shot. Bombs Away Dream Babies! The mouse seeing what was going to happen made his escape. He didn't have a problem standing in the fire of Bukowski or Brautigan or Nin but he knew the jig was up when the Word hurtled earthward from heaven. Little sucker went EEK! & disappeared.

Post by **SadLuckDame** » December 2nd, 2009, 9:48 pm

Be back soon.

The Lady Eve

"Do you think she's gonna shoot him?" He said. "No, she's afraid of guns."
"Well, do you think she's going to throw him from the window?" He said. "I don't think so, train windows don't open."

Thanks Jack. It's ok, sometimes I retreat, too. I just don't know how I'd want to approach, respond or reply, I don't know, but I'm good with ya.

And I likes that song. ty ty u.

Mingo, me too. I went back and forth, than all over. My mood just wanted the blues in my ear. But, I don't remember any of my dreams from it. I liked yours. Did you dream color?

On a side note, tomorrow's the Catfish's birthday and I don't know the first place to greet him at. Maybe his ears will be ringing. It's the best I can do tonight for my friend.

my friends.

Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

In light of my title 'luck'

In light of my title 'luck'

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