OK- 15 years ago

[creativesoul]

I went to my elders house and i was pretty pissed off- i told her in no uncertain terms what i was going to do-i was going to go to cali and get some weed and show these oregon dealers how this is done- like in kauai- i was seeing shit again-that most people dont see and i told her i couldnt start over again- i could not do ... recovery------------------------------------------------------------------------ i saw a spirit walk around and i followed it to the front yard by the willow tree- while standing in the yard - it was like a beam of light surrounded me- i was inside it- everything was in that light- emotion, color, healing - every little thing was a part of it- ' i yelled' this is better than smoking weed'
she said ' i know'

i didnt want to believe that what i thought was God was like a star trek experience- i worked on people- i did energy work- and i asked this guy- ' i am going to work on you straight and then i am going to smoke weed and tell me honestly- if my energy is stronger when smoke or dont smoke'
he said' i hate to tell you this but.....it is better when you do not smoke....

i went in a sweat lodge- and tried to climb out over the rocks- i was outside with this woman that was a wanna be medicine person,trying to tell me about right and wrong and in that 'i am someone' voice and i said " I ' i have never felt this clean, not ever," and went back in and did three more doors-afterwards there was a feast and a social type experience with the people i had just been in lodge with..


i went home to my farm down the road-

a few days later, i went to watson s house and said' dude do you have some weed? in case of emergency' i said


he rolled me the cheapskate doobie and goes to hand it to me and it falls thru my hands and thru the deck - under the house- watson went and got it for me...
i put it in my jacket pocket for 'later'

i was making some prayer ties and protection pieces to protect me from the guy that i had lived with for awhile- the guy was really different - he was convinced that he was a woman in a mans body, and since gordon had gone back out= i just really was more amused than anything else by people s stories.
once he dressed up like a woman and i swear he was great at it- i never could put make up on like that- but it pissed me off when he wanted to wear my clothes. but when he dressed like a woman when i was not home and answered the door- and was convinced my friends did not know- then we had a lil problem see..i wanted to be the woman anyway- since i had the biology to do so-
i guess he grabbed my head an banged it on the cement and i told him- 'hey just get in that mercedes and drive away, or i am calling the cops'
he got a car out of the deal
he apparently thought he was a warlock as well, and whatever nasty stuff he threw my way was instrumental in me finding the red road, because the jesus people did nothing but tell me to walk around the property and say'with the blood of jesus i command thee'
that was not working...


i was sweating, irritated and suddenly got the brilliant idea that i should smoke that joint -
i took a hit off the lil glass pipe and i said 'ahhh'
no sooner had i done that- and my elder was at the door- she sat down on my bed and said' if you want to keep getting loaded that is fine... but you cant do both-walking this road and doing drugs'
i did what all drug addicts do, i lied. i said, oh well i had this joint and i was going to use it for ceremony-
she said 'ok lets go do it'
we were under a star filled sky= she said a prayer and broke that joint into a few pieces and i broke the pipe, then she said ' did you see that?
' it was the blackest knarly spirit you can imagine..
apparently when i was a young girl at the 'wall' in jr high i picked that up- and it ran me for years- i was glad it was gone- i felt lighter somehow......different==like something i had been fighting had left.
to be continued

[stilltrucking]

Ok, looking forward to the continuation
thank you for writing.

While I am waiting I wanted to mention something that came to mind when I thought about the elders. I saw a program about Navajo children born with a genetic defect that causes XP, a rare one in a million disease that makes sunlight fatal to children. The father went to see his medicine man who told him it came down on his children because of something bad or unharmonious that the father had done in the past. The father could not think about anything bad except killing ants for fun when he was a kid. In the meantime the children's mother found out that the rare genetic disease was not so rare on the reservation. She found many other Navajo families with it. It turns out that the medicine man was almost right, it was something from the past. Scientists think they have found a link between the disease and The Long Walk.
pardon the digression you can watch the documentary here it is called Sun Kissed

This from an interview with the film maker:

POV: In your own words, what would you say Sun Kissed is about? How would you describe your film?

Maya Stark: Sun Kissed is about a Navajo couple, Dorey and Yolanda. who have two kids who have a rare genetic disorder called XP. XP basically means that you can’t be exposed to any sunlight or any UV light. Even though it’s such a rare disease that their kids have, they learned that there are actually more kids on the reservation who have the same disorder. They go on a journey to find out why. And ultimately they unravel a link between XP and America’s colonialist past.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/sunkissed/interview.php

[creativesoul]

wow- ah that is and i understand the connection- the story ties in things i hadnt really intended to look at it- ha ha ha - and well a new depth is added to this whole thing-- and good morning from oregon - turtle paw farm and the things that will and do go on here-

[dadio]

Bill Burroughs had great insight into this kind of life and you have brought it through using the words, not letting them use you. Tough write.

[creativesoul]

Been a "walk"..had.. That said before by a teacher of mine- going to re- read his stuff- thanks!