she loved to see the changes gyrating off her hips in the sunlight- accross the grassy fields the birds were watching her =she wondered if she would be here a long time- in the hot sun- or if this was really some sort of dream-the things she saw- didnt make sense anymore- blasted in a spiral like nature- the images- the faces- wispy like tissue paper in some strange wrappings= she Knew the fields here- and the soil- it was with her- under her skin- the sun beat on her hard lean back- she planted and weeded and baked- she was quiet these days- saw something that changed her -and that something made it possible to walk thru walls accross vast spaces and times bodiless and filled with fire a purpose- she has to hide amidst a family of highly dramatic people- it would seem that there was a mask for every occasion- 0ui- madame- -
the country of nigeria and the kissing on the forehead- moaris touching foreheads- only in america do they want to 'shake hands' ha she was being hidden by those that knew what she could do- they tolerated her - loved her- wished she would be quiet--
ha ha aha she laughed alot- it made people uncomfortable because they were not sure what she was laughing at- something she saw - ahead of now- or something in the present- she smiled- like a cat with a bird in its throat-
shelia denial
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creativesoul
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shelia denial
Last edited by creativesoul on November 6th, 2013, 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
Re: shelia denial
Hold onto that writing prose style; it serves you well 
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
like wednesday adams she says'pass the salt NOW PLEASE' the goth inner child is playing with her food-and the little girl is frustrated with what seems like fuddy duddies in the living room- they are boring- and i - want to have some fun- star gazing and walking in the dark was fun-the whole being on the computer all the time has her wanting to cut the heads off the roses-off with thier heads- akward- it is unfriendly to want something different than what is being offered- whatever she says
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
it should be mine- she thought- yet in fact it was never hers- it was borrowed- it was a dress that did not fit- it is the shoes that seem like they should be on a lifeless manikin and a victoria secret model- even if she never ate another meal again- couldnt be that thin- the media says she should like to have six inch heels under her feet- that she should wake up and paint her face- put some green eyeliner inside the eyelids- maybe she can see better with it- the sickness comes and goes- the wanting to be something that disney and lancome created just does not work- years later while at the chiropractor-she would remeber even running in those high heels-
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
i wanted out- there was no fixing this- asking someone what they feel-because clearly they are 'holding on' to some energy- ya can feel it- like a knife cutting thru the room- like a thick fog on the highway- been living in real close quarters with my community- sometimes i cannot breathe- it is so fucking heavy- i never used to give a flying fuck really - didnt take the time to get to know someones lil problems, kinks- defects- shortcomings- at the first sign of trouble i was out of there-and i know the look of the frightened child inside the adult woman that has to compete- she is competing with me- i get the looks of envy and jealousy- i get the fancy dancer peeking thru the moves- gauging her next motion- ever so slightly- the drum beats- the heart beats- the smell of coffee and a hallway presents itself- various choices- oh the sickness- whatever-
even people that love deeply have it- that - gottta achieve be better than you- out wit youy- outspeak you- why? i let you win- it was easier-the hallway- the places where the hurt just crawls undernneathe the bravado past the pride- past the differences- into a pocket of sadness- whenever anything went thru that door-she was displeased- she would get angry at herself- i left that door open again-nutz- anything to silience that voice- it is fine when anyone else is needy-but if i am- or if i ask ='are you mad at me?' how stupid is that? i wouldnt ask if i couldnt read it on your face- why? because i do not want to go to portland tonight that s why.....
even people that love deeply have it- that - gottta achieve be better than you- out wit youy- outspeak you- why? i let you win- it was easier-the hallway- the places where the hurt just crawls undernneathe the bravado past the pride- past the differences- into a pocket of sadness- whenever anything went thru that door-she was displeased- she would get angry at herself- i left that door open again-nutz- anything to silience that voice- it is fine when anyone else is needy-but if i am- or if i ask ='are you mad at me?' how stupid is that? i wouldnt ask if i couldnt read it on your face- why? because i do not want to go to portland tonight that s why.....
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
Later told a tale about that trip to Portland / she said" be angry I am not going"
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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sonofthesun
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Re: shelia denial
Thank you for this gift. Some of the thoughts you espoused are very similar to my own. I dont hear them from others much, if any. Smiles ear to ear.
There is no empty space
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
being - doing- living- feeling- all of this stuff - is so mixed up- what was real to me- never seemed like it was real to other people- until i found my voice- started talking the way i saw it- oh yes certainly that have been a few thousand years and echoes away- my critics- the fat bitch that comes to ceremony that just cant wait to find something wrong with me- i just smile and agree with her- why- because she is a loose canon- back in the day- present day included- we didnt talk to 'cop callers and snitches, gossips and loud loose women- DRUNKEN MEN- because that was how ya got busted=- it is kind of about the company you keep- and sometimes- my own company is brutal and honest and real- and it hurts people s feelings- but it has to be this way- but i have learned a few things- i do not have to share myself with everyone- not to drink coffee- never tell a shrink what i really see and hear- and never doubt my intution, because people are lairs and i like them-[THEY DONT MEAN IT] when i want to like them- not in my face- not in my space-all the time- been married and in love way too many times- and i am grateful i dont have to 'get out ' or 'away' so i can breathe- tomorow i get to be all alone at home- that is priceless- i cannot wait-seriously-WITH MY PUPPY THAT SNAPPED THE PIN IN HIS BROKEN LEG- HE IS A REINCARNAITED FOOTBALL PLAYER- SHOW HIM A FRISBEE he goes NUTS-
too many people in a smalll house animals vsiitors etc= and i always end up living in places like this- ask my kids who are not kids anymore- they will tell ya-' ma- we dont want to hear about the energy'- so i do ceremony with natives and it keeps me pretty stoked- planning a surf trip - thanks buddy- KEEP IT WET
too many people in a smalll house animals vsiitors etc= and i always end up living in places like this- ask my kids who are not kids anymore- they will tell ya-' ma- we dont want to hear about the energy'- so i do ceremony with natives and it keeps me pretty stoked- planning a surf trip - thanks buddy- KEEP IT WET
Last edited by creativesoul on November 7th, 2013, 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
Love- laying in bed dying of cigarettes and ceremony and the most broken people I can imagine- and Clint Eastwood in the unforgiven" Fuck me hard- seriously- love? I have an entire security system in my life barricading love and intimacy - the only thing missing is the moat -- there is enough firewood for winter-
Last edited by creativesoul on December 3rd, 2013, 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
day in day out\
searching the skies for rain
temptations
wish it would rain
searching the skies for rain
temptations
wish it would rain
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
This is a summary of a married mermaid-ghost bride is what I call it
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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creativesoul
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Re: shelia denial
i guess i am fortunate - that my mate is what i write- my paintings and i - are traveling the spiritual highway- if you love me- it would be bet to let me know- - that is usually done with direct action/ enthuasim-energy- sweet smells of softness and warmth- yes these are the things that call to me- and i kind of wish i was not writing about love - thinking about love etc- time for a new topic- maybe a visit to the tree farm
reason is over rated, as is logic and common sense-i much prefer the passions of a crazy old woman, cats and dogs and jungle foliage- tropic rain-and a defined sense of who brings the stars up at night and the sun up in the morning---
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