The Pit and the Pudendum
Posted: December 29th, 2004, 2:31 pm
I had been growing the herb for a couple of years. It was a process of sustained panic to grow it outside where any police helicopter could see it. One time I was in Jamaica and I had to take a short flight from Negril to Montego Bay. We flew low, at about 3000 feet. From that altitude I could see the herb patches clearly. They are an electric green that pops out of the landscape. You can't miss them. It was a horrifying realization.
So after two growing seasons of trying to conceal what was in plain sight, I decided to go underground.
One day I was driving in my pickup on one of the back roads around my five acre plantation, when I happened upon a county worker who was pulling a back-hoe. It was a Saturday and he was 'off duty.' I asked him if he would like a side job. I told him I wanted to build a swimming pool on my property. For twenty bucks and a case of beer he agreed to come and dig me a hole.
The guy was a real artist with that back-hoe. He dug a twelve-foot deep pit with perfectly straight sides. The next week I built a barn over the pit and constructed it such that there was opaque fiberglass siding covering the pit. It looked like a seed bed or greenhouse about three feet high. What you couldn't see was that it was actually fifteen feet deep.
I grew some of the best herb I have ever smoked in that hole in the ground. I never showed it to anybody but three people.
On the first year, I had a twelve foot plant that looked like a Christmas tree. When the flowers came out it was almost white and redolent with resin. In the mornings, dew would settle on it and it would glisten. Every morning I would take my flute and play to the plants. I would play I Enjoy Being A Girl from Oklahoma. Cheesy song, I know, but they loved it.
So after two growing seasons of trying to conceal what was in plain sight, I decided to go underground.
One day I was driving in my pickup on one of the back roads around my five acre plantation, when I happened upon a county worker who was pulling a back-hoe. It was a Saturday and he was 'off duty.' I asked him if he would like a side job. I told him I wanted to build a swimming pool on my property. For twenty bucks and a case of beer he agreed to come and dig me a hole.
The guy was a real artist with that back-hoe. He dug a twelve-foot deep pit with perfectly straight sides. The next week I built a barn over the pit and constructed it such that there was opaque fiberglass siding covering the pit. It looked like a seed bed or greenhouse about three feet high. What you couldn't see was that it was actually fifteen feet deep.
I grew some of the best herb I have ever smoked in that hole in the ground. I never showed it to anybody but three people.
On the first year, I had a twelve foot plant that looked like a Christmas tree. When the flowers came out it was almost white and redolent with resin. In the mornings, dew would settle on it and it would glisten. Every morning I would take my flute and play to the plants. I would play I Enjoy Being A Girl from Oklahoma. Cheesy song, I know, but they loved it.