dear cosmos, thanks for not giving up on me

[neologistic]

i used to go around when it seemed like the rule of thrice cursed for every wrongdoing was multiplied even more at times for me, getting so angry at piles and piles of negativity at my door seemingly on top of each other all at once networking with each other and becoming efficient juggernauts of endless mazes leading to defeat every way straight from the universe that i'd literally raise my fists at the sky and at creation screaming and cursing fate, demanding fate show up as a physical creature out of the blue to fight me and get it over with, turning and turning in bucked up struggles of asserting my presence and intents, ego filled and more self absorbed/centered/-ish on the offense than i realized when i thought i was being the fed up defensive putting my feet on the ground standing up to a bully Fate trying to mug me for my last two cents

then i stopped looking that way so much and started thanking the universe for sending me messages and lessons to consider, thankful i still have time left to do so

[still.trucking]

I have so many thoughts about that paragraph, thoughts running all which away and that away.

"Time is the unbending deserter, it leaves us only the now"

I am thankful I had the time that I did even if I wasted it on cheap talk and wine.

And lost everything a man is supposed to have along the way.

I was plenty pissed at the world to but also with a huge streak of self pity.

Funny how someone can write a poem and that poem can be like a life line tossed to a drowning man.

e_dog wrote one like that for me, even if he did not write it for me it was like a hammer to the bell jar of self pity I was stuck under.

K~ threw me a beautiful life line too when I was eating myself alive wiith guilt...

thanks for the "opening" James brought my thoughts on time into focus. I have read that time belongs to us, the human animal and only us no other animal has it, but that would be hard to prove. I have also read that some cultures have no concept for time. So is time a reification.

Geez talk about wasting time, I spent thirty years trying to read The Phenomenology of Internal Time Consciousness. Husserl. I finally gave it up last year or the year before. Realized was never going to be able to finish it because he kept loosing me. He held my attention for the first hundred pages and I did not mind having to look up all the Greek and Latin words, but his neologisms were the straw that broke my weak mind.
I carried that book around for over a million miles I wore the cover illustration off of it. It was a picture of the snake Ouroboros.

I feel best when I feel the tender indifference of the cosmos,
I am grateful.

[stilltrucking]

James if you don't mind I would like to put on a little puppet show for you here.

I called you "beautiful brother" on another thread yesterday. I suppose I could have used the word young instead of beautiful but that is the way I felt. I was surprised to hear your age. I thought you were much older.


We are all mostly such gray beards here. I am grateful that you and Joel and a few others are here. Marksman45 another guy I thought was much older in his fifties at least, but I don't see him around much anymore. But I did see Yabyum, and Jason still comes around, there are two jasons here, well three actually although we hardly ever hear from (aka feral user-name) and bennie2, the guy from Scotland he makes the girls happy when he posts his poetry.

But mostly or at least most of the guys here I post with are graybeards.

What has this got to do with time to still change you might wonder? I wonder too? I guess for me it is at seventy I am hearing the mantra too late too late, yes I am too late for so many things I could have should have would have had, a wife, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, my place in the continuity of germ plasm. Such a ghostly feeling. But I still got time enough to love. To make the dregs of the forlorn rags of old age into a garden, which I think is what Nietzsche thought, that the best we can do in this objective fact world about us is to make our lives gardens for all to find refuge in. Umm, I better quit now, I can't seem to make that garden metaphor work, but Nietzsche did, I will see if I can find it also the e_dog and K~ poems.


Last month I threw up my hands like a character in a Sartre play and screamed
"I will never get out of here alive" Meaning my sister and brother in laws house. But I have had a month of sweet solitude and sea air and have returned to share the burden here. Here in the house of the puppet masters where we pull each others strings.

As terrifying as ''No Exit'' may be for them, we the living know that change is always possible. The character is not finished, Sartre tells us, until his or her final choice is made.


http://theater.nytimes.com/mem/theater/ ... A96F948260

I think I have almost completely dumped my core here. Maybe one more thing from "The Denial of Death" A Tolstoy quote for parents. be back with that.

[neologistic]

you do the same for me, heaven is enchanted, earth is enchanted.. wowow reading your post, i'm blown away and don't know what to say

[neologistic]

Jack, http://www.makershed.com/ProductDetails ... 0&CartID=1 there's so much going on, so much hope

[Steve Plonk]

Folks, Once in a while it is great to turn over a new leaf. Never know what you'll
find in friendship, experience, etc. Good piece, Neologistic, et al. May the Force be with you!

[neologistic]

Thanks, Steve May the force be with you and may you live long and prosper

[dadio]

Yes, had those times, too. Finely captured.

[Doreen Peri]

I would like a like button. But hey, I would like a lot of things. *smile* I LIKE this piece you posted, James. Very much.

Good morning.

then i stopped looking that way so much and started thanking the universe for sending me messages and lessons to consider, thankful i still have time left to do so

Beautiful! Congratulations.

[mudshark]

hey
have yet to figure the age of everyone, an Neologistics in particular.
but if it anit 60, I d say you got a thing going. good craftman. slithered heart.
Im in my 40s, myself and have not intierly gotten to the point of Truck-wisdom. but Im all ears every time. thanx. you rock the world old greybearded dead head.)

[neologistic]

I'm 31, but thanks! If only I could mix in some glue with realizations to make them stick on my wall better

[justwalt]

...and started thanking the universe...

Bang-zoom-to the moon...

Affirmation of everything good is necessary for a healthy universe...
the clouds, the rain, the weeds, the rivers... just say thank you to them,
even if in your mind, but the words do carry more weight.

The negative words and thoughts carry weight too, so be careful.

Just look what the Earth is doing... there are so many people here
now, and their thoughts, words and actions have a dramatic effect
on the "attitude" of Earth.

No one wants to believe that everything is connected, but guess
again... everything we do matters... in many different ways.

Peace...

Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace Peace

[neologistic]

Very true, just in the past few days I've helped spread negativity once again, endless cycles it seems but what tomorrow brings may just be the best things we've yet to have seen if we keep rocking out rhythms of "I love you more" throughout the whole scene, serene and clean in all the loveliness of Spring in a Winter's Malcontent relapsed backwards infinitely fractal, doves and pterodactyls and what it all means, flung and fleeing from someone else's dreams, repeat on spin cycle, let the car do the driving like KITT and Michael, eventually we'll get our brains saned around, bound for thriving gleans of territorial reins reigned underneath ranges of no one cares anymore because we'll already be there, the richer and the poorer, like lore from the future no one's thought to retell, we can spread vibes to the airs and pick our cares wisely til war's spent its last dime and no one has anymore sadness to rhyme, all caught up in our own brands of shenanigans but we carry each other through with open hearts and minds trying to unwind our collective eternities mourning the loss of ourselves before we already toss in the dice of everything nice, peace be, blessedly, thanks for reminding me once again, friend, there's better things to see

[justwalt]

in a nut shell... yes

[stilltrucking]

I got a fortune cookie the other day which contained a note from the cosmos.
The note thanked me for not giving up on IT.

My mother once said the world would never find peace until men fell at their women's feet and asked for forgiveness. This is true all over the world in the jungles of Mexico, in the back streets of Shang Hai, in New York cocktail bars, husbands are getting drunk while the women stay home with the babes of their ever darkening future. If these men stop the machine and come home and get on their knees and ask for forgiveness and the women bless them peace will suddenly descend on the earth with a great silence like the inherent silence of the apocalypse.

Jack Kerouac