Just WHAT is THE POINT?

[sooZen]

Yesterday the journal was down in the morning so I could not and did not write. It seems I am the only one who writes anymore, anyway except for a few friends on a few literary sites. And I guess I am as bad as anyone else. Lives are busy being lived and of course, that is how it should be. At some point we are glad to have our families and friends around for the end of our, hopefully, long lives but one never knows who will step up to the bat and who will not. My (I am trying to speak in the first person more and less in the "our" mode) true friends forgive me for my trespasses and foibles and see beyond the flawed being that I am. Being who I am is not frigging easy for I suffer for my frankness and inability to censor what I feel when I feel it. It is like one friend told me recently, "I am not afraid of that scorpion on your face!" referring to my Scorpio ascendant which I call my "scary mask." But the honest truth is, I would never do anything that caused my loved ones pain intentionally, but it happens and I surely suffer the consequences. Being misunderstood seems to be my lot in life.

I am a Libra sun with a Gemini moon and am really just an airhead (my keyword is Lightly Romantic), but because of my appearance and demeanor (perceived by some as threatening) and that Scorpion scary mask, I am doomed (so to speak) to suffer the loss of dear ones who cannot deal with me. It makes me so sad, I do grieve, I am still grieving for those losses and still have hope that they are not permanent.

Cecil, honestly, is not as forgiving as I am. When he burns a bridge or a bridge is burned, he does not try to rebuild it and goes on. This to me is sad. For I feel that any real relationship is worth a second, third or fourth chance (or however many it takes to rebuild.) But of course, it has to be a two way conversation, a two way listening to what the issue or problem is and of course, compassion for the other person's feelings. I am autistic (I use this term lightly) when it comes to reading another persons abilities to be totally honest or get past their sore spots. I tend to poke them where it hurts.

Not Cec, he is very kind and gentle with his loved ones until a breaking point is reached. He tried all those many years to make amends (so he thought) with his family dynamic and once he said to himself it was finished, he finished it and is unwilling to forgive or forget. I am much more prone to try and fix things, to make peace. Cec just makes do and is done. He is extremely protective of me and will not forgive my being hurt easily either. I have to do a lot of talking to make him try and see what another is going through (like his brother and sister) and why they are the way they are. Conditioning has a good deal to do with it and anger. I cannot and refuse to carry anger around like a burden. It will eat away at a person, in my opinion, and make reaching a level of enlightenment impossible.

For why am I here in the first place? I think of Harry Nielsons little song THE POINT and the animated film about the boy Oblio that had no Point. He was lost without a point in a place where everyone and everything else was pointed. His only friend was his faithful dog Arrow.

From Wikipedia: "The round-headed Oblio has had to wear a pointed hat since birth to conceal his "pointless" condition from his pointy-headed peers. However, Oblio is accepted in the town despite his nonconformity until one day when the son of an evil Count in the land is unwittingly dishonored by Oblio. The Count's son challenges Oblio to a one-on-one game of Triangle Toss (where participants catch the triangle on their heads), which Oblio wins. In a fit of rage, the Count (who wants his son to rule the land one day) confronts the King, who is a good King, to reaffirm the law of the land, which states that those who are pointless must be banished from the kingdom and into the Pointless Forest. A jury reluctantly convicts both Oblio and his dog Arrow (who helped him win the Triangle Toss), leaving the king no choice but to send the pair away.

Oblio and Arrow are sent to the Pointless Forest, but soon discover that even the Pointless Forest has a point. They meet curious creatures like giant bees, a "pointed man" pointing in all directions who proclaims "A point in every direction is the same as no point at all", a man made of rock, a three dancing fat sisters, and the man made out of leaves who helps Oblio see that everyone has a point (as in reason) though it might not be readily displayed.

Oblio and Arrow spend the night in the Pointless Forest, then awaken to a large stone hand with the finger pointing to their "destination". They take the road indicated by the hand and make their way back to the Land of Point, where they receive a heroes' welcome from the land's citizens, and the King. Oblio begins to tell his story but is interrupted by the furious Count, who is then silenced by the King.

Oblio tells the King and the people of the land that everything has a point, including the Pointless Forest, and himself. Unable to stand hearing what he believes is nonsense any longer, the Count pulls off Oblio's pointed hat, but is taken aback when he sees a point on top of Oblio's bare head.

Upon this revelation, the points of everyone else in the land disappeared, and pointed buildings became round."

And this little morality tale has a lesson for me and anyone else questioning their reason for being. Everything has a point, sometimes we just can't perceive it but it is there and we are here for a reason. All those horrible incidences in our lives, the tragedies we must endure, the people that cause us pain are there for a reason. I truly believe this. They are lessons to be learned in the path, our pebbles and stones, our floods and cliffs, our freezes and droughts, all there to teach us something about ourselves.

We are born alone and we will die alone but in the meantime, there are people in our lives who may have known us in past lives (if such a thing exists and I believe it does and have some proof of that because of my children and what they told me when they were young about their last lives.) Those people that come into our lives that we recognize as "knowing" them from our past will come into our lives again and again until we resolve our issues in the path to enlightenment. Haven't you met people and seen the connections? Haven't you touched someone or been touched by someone and know that you know them and are connected to them but don't know why? There is a reason.

I am clumsy in my conversations with others sometimes. I am cognizant of that and am trying to learn how sensitive and wounded they are and sometimes I fail miserably. Sadly, some cannot or are unable to get beyond their anger or hurt to see me as I really am and not just the scary mask I wear.

When a relationship ends because of words said or a misunderstanding it is sad indeed and for me, I never give up on them, on us and on the history we shared. In some ways, I envy Cecil for he can wash his hands and move on. I still believe that forgiveness is part and parcel of compassion (the highest form of love) but some things are just so painful, so hurtful that we are unable to move on. We get stuck in the muck of our anger and hurt and sadness.

I think or believe that our lives can be like a little blackboard (my analogy) instead of a carving in cement or stone. Things that are said can be erased by emptying our minds, exposing our hearts and true intent. Stuff I say is not written in cement, carved in stone. Yes, I said that but it doesn't mean I remember saying it or believe it now because NOW is just that, NOW. When I die, life will move on, go on without me in it. I do think that I can make a small difference with my living, my life, my being and maybe in a very small way but a difference can be made. I am here to learn from this classroom we call life. Some of the lessons are really tough, really hard lessons to learn but it is still a lesson non the less.

We suffer the consequences of our actions and words. I suffer body and soul but I am able to see the light and no, it is not the preverbial on coming train. It is the light of knowing myself, of enlightenment, that fleeting moment of Ah Hah! That clearing in the forest of confusion and doubt where the sun shines in. I do want to make a difference in the lives of those around me, to live life the best that I can with all the faults I have and must deal with as far as the consequences of who I am and what I say or do. Mistakes are certainly made, no doubt. I make them constantly and must see what it is I have done to create chaos or alienation. My intentions are good but you know what they say about good intentions, it "paves the road to hell..." My hell for sure. But I can see the light. It shines every day somewhere, someplace and if my road or journey is cloudy or rainy or stormy, I know it is out there...

If you got this far, congratulations!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-ol_v5X ... re=related

[tinkerjack]

During my last two minutes of life, my mind
will ask me one more time.. "Hey dude, did
you get the point." In all my deathly honesty,
I'll respond, "duh, nope."

surfer mike

[sooZen]

ahh Mike, I miss Mike.

[Arcadia]

If you got this far, congratulations!

, gracias SooZen!! And gracias for sharing your writing!

what is the point? ... to learn?, yeah, maybe!. Sometimes I have problems with the idea of life as a school, maybe because I work in a school...

and scorpion in your face..? hey!... it sounds dangerous...!! but if it´s possible to know somehow from her/his writing, I can say you are brave!!!


There is a reason... maybe, I don´t know!. I don´t feel though that what I need at this moment is to have a lot of details, it´s more to be in the now task.

In some ways, I envy Cecil for he can wash his hands and move on. I still believe that forgiveness is part and parcel of compassion (the highest form of love) but some things are just so painful, so hurtful that we are unable to move on. We get stuck in the muck of our anger and hurt and sadness. ... funny, I can´t imagine Cecil as a sort of Poncio Pilato...! and yeah, forgiveness sometimes is a long way road...

gracias again!

[creativesoul]

i know you so well= sweet

[sooZen]

Arcadia, thanks for getting "this far"! I appreciate your reply.

I can see how you would like a vacation from school. Everyone needs a break, a moment of reflection and enjoyment from the tedium of learning but aren't even those moments a lesson? Well, I think so but I am no expert on life, that is for sure!

The scorpion is not "in" my face but is my face and that too is scary for those that cannot see beyond the original face of me.

(Translation is a tricky thing for so much is lost, so much is different, no? Things that I take for granted as understandable may not be when viewed through the lens of another culture and language.)

The being in the NOW is certainly not an easy task for anyone. Even zen masters cannot always BE in the NOW but perhaps a lofty goal that we, you and I strive for. Just being is sometimes difficult, right?

Not sure what a Poncio Plalatio is but I will guess Pontius Pilate? I will have to go look that up, just a minute... Ok, correcto. The judge who washes his hands even though he reluctantly sent Jesus to his death? Yes, hard choices and life goes on even after the condemnation of a martyr. Everything happens for a reason is my reasoning.

Gracias mi amiga!

Creativesoul, nice to know you. Welcome to our little community and I hope you find like minded individuals who will spark your imagination, they do mine!!!

[Artguy]

" Ya don't have to have a point to have a point...dig?" Harry Nilsson

[creativesoul]

the piont is that i like your writing even if i dont get the piont

[sooZen]

I think you got it!!!