The Shadow KNOWS
Posted: April 16th, 2011, 10:10 am
The Shadow KNOWS
4/16/11 07:27 am
My Dad used to tell me that "There are too many people in this world and most of them are NO DAMN GOOD!" Succinct and perhaps harsh but sadly, mostly true. My small cadre of inner circle (which I limit for my own sanity) is and has been shrinking. I like a lot of people that I meet and greet but there are just a very few that I share my true face and inner selves with. Mostly for my own protection and the protection of what I love. Since I grew up with the admonition, "I don't care what it is you did, just don't LIE to me" (which I think was later regretted because now it is "don't go there!") I learned at a very early age that truth and speaking one's mind (because I, even as a woman had a fine mind) was the requirement.
Discussions were always held, sometimes heatedly with my parents and when they absolutely forbid me to do something, I took it under advisement but did what I wanted, much to their chagrin sometimes. I hurt them, I hurt myself but it was all part of my learning curve and experience. I was truly lucky to be raised by such a wise woman and a wise man who knew there was always something new to learn, some new adventure, somewhere on the path...
Dad, whom I had some particularly heated discussions (and they were always discussions as he never, ever raised but an eyebrow to me) about my generations' war and his war experiences which were totally different or the issue of nuclear power or any number of things. He always let me speak my mind, he never told me I couldn't say what I thought, well, just don't do it at the dinner table, bad manners. He was all about truth, justice and the American Way. A true superman.
Mom was a women who knows and knew that just because she was a women, didn't mean she couldn't think for herself. By gumption, she always said exactly what she thought. (She is a bit more circumspect now having learned that people don't always want to know what "we" think. A lesson I still wrestle with.) Having her as a mother gave me enormous amounts of confidence in my self. How lucky is that?
But having said all that about my nurturing there is still the fact that unlike some I know, my true face and intent is not always apparent and lies hidden under a bitch of a woman. Okay, I admit it and it was not a mistake that Cec used to call me "buddhabitch". I was and can be.
And, to continue this flow, I raised my sons the same way. Nate says exactly what he is thinking as does Noah (well, most of the time altho Noah has trouble expressing his deepest emotions, I think.) I talk about them as if they don't read this, Noah does, mostly, when he has time... Nate could care less about what anyone thinks, including me. Nothing stops him from him and his selves and who "they" are. Nate and Noah are both charming and loving people and are well loved by all who come into their spheres. Luckily for them, they don't have all of Mom's DNA but share their fathers graciousness and charm and wit as well. There is nurture and then there is nature (which I attribute to time of birth, their signs and stuff like that.) They are definitely their own selves no matter what I think or want...
But I digress (or maybe I am speaking in a historical context.) I suffer not only on the outside for my digressions (overworking Type A personality with a obsessive and depressive component) that has led me into a painful exterior and a misunderstood interior. My main objective in life is learning all I can about me for who else can know me except me. Yes, it IS all about each of us, individually and collectively. So limiting my inner circle has been a process of elimination on my behalf as well as others who cannot tolerant who this person I am, is.
I am very liberal in my leanings because, honestly, I think whatever anyone else chooses to think is not my business. I have enough trouble taking care of my own thoughts and proclivities. But to be in my circle, one must be tolerant, kind, and most of all, understanding. If you live in the shadows of your past, your pains, your dark side then I will most likely point it out and that certainly doesn't set well with those in the circle who choose to remain unexposed.
Deepak Chopra has a wonderful book which I have mentioned before that was written along with two women called, Our Shadow Selves. In reading this book, it was an affirmation that living in our shadows, our dark secrete sides was probably the most detrimental thing we could do to ourselves and our growth and our (hopefully) eventual enlightenment. Our history certainly is not NOW but it is a determinate of NOW and perhaps LATER. If we deny our histories, we deny a portion of who we are, where we are and what we are. Bringing up our past experiences is a way of understanding why, where, whom and what we (and I mean me as well), have learned and helps us to grow UP and OUT, stretching ourselves into "infinity and beyond!" (to quote a Toy Story character.)
Sadly, not everyone in my circle is there, can deal with the speaking without thinking (thinking is just a tool, as is our minds, I believe), Once something is said, unfortunately, it takes the form of cement in some cases and creates a barrier for sharing freely. Unless you or I or anyone person for that matter can get beyond the barriers we have created, the flow stops and we are left with a rigidity of being. Not a good thing in my opinion. Not for me. So, to remain in the circle takes a good deal of tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. Not everyone is ready or can go that path. But I am here and for that matter, always will be...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adp61fE2 ... re=related
4/16/11 07:27 am
My Dad used to tell me that "There are too many people in this world and most of them are NO DAMN GOOD!" Succinct and perhaps harsh but sadly, mostly true. My small cadre of inner circle (which I limit for my own sanity) is and has been shrinking. I like a lot of people that I meet and greet but there are just a very few that I share my true face and inner selves with. Mostly for my own protection and the protection of what I love. Since I grew up with the admonition, "I don't care what it is you did, just don't LIE to me" (which I think was later regretted because now it is "don't go there!") I learned at a very early age that truth and speaking one's mind (because I, even as a woman had a fine mind) was the requirement.
Discussions were always held, sometimes heatedly with my parents and when they absolutely forbid me to do something, I took it under advisement but did what I wanted, much to their chagrin sometimes. I hurt them, I hurt myself but it was all part of my learning curve and experience. I was truly lucky to be raised by such a wise woman and a wise man who knew there was always something new to learn, some new adventure, somewhere on the path...
Dad, whom I had some particularly heated discussions (and they were always discussions as he never, ever raised but an eyebrow to me) about my generations' war and his war experiences which were totally different or the issue of nuclear power or any number of things. He always let me speak my mind, he never told me I couldn't say what I thought, well, just don't do it at the dinner table, bad manners. He was all about truth, justice and the American Way. A true superman.
Mom was a women who knows and knew that just because she was a women, didn't mean she couldn't think for herself. By gumption, she always said exactly what she thought. (She is a bit more circumspect now having learned that people don't always want to know what "we" think. A lesson I still wrestle with.) Having her as a mother gave me enormous amounts of confidence in my self. How lucky is that?
But having said all that about my nurturing there is still the fact that unlike some I know, my true face and intent is not always apparent and lies hidden under a bitch of a woman. Okay, I admit it and it was not a mistake that Cec used to call me "buddhabitch". I was and can be.
And, to continue this flow, I raised my sons the same way. Nate says exactly what he is thinking as does Noah (well, most of the time altho Noah has trouble expressing his deepest emotions, I think.) I talk about them as if they don't read this, Noah does, mostly, when he has time... Nate could care less about what anyone thinks, including me. Nothing stops him from him and his selves and who "they" are. Nate and Noah are both charming and loving people and are well loved by all who come into their spheres. Luckily for them, they don't have all of Mom's DNA but share their fathers graciousness and charm and wit as well. There is nurture and then there is nature (which I attribute to time of birth, their signs and stuff like that.) They are definitely their own selves no matter what I think or want...
But I digress (or maybe I am speaking in a historical context.) I suffer not only on the outside for my digressions (overworking Type A personality with a obsessive and depressive component) that has led me into a painful exterior and a misunderstood interior. My main objective in life is learning all I can about me for who else can know me except me. Yes, it IS all about each of us, individually and collectively. So limiting my inner circle has been a process of elimination on my behalf as well as others who cannot tolerant who this person I am, is.
I am very liberal in my leanings because, honestly, I think whatever anyone else chooses to think is not my business. I have enough trouble taking care of my own thoughts and proclivities. But to be in my circle, one must be tolerant, kind, and most of all, understanding. If you live in the shadows of your past, your pains, your dark side then I will most likely point it out and that certainly doesn't set well with those in the circle who choose to remain unexposed.
Deepak Chopra has a wonderful book which I have mentioned before that was written along with two women called, Our Shadow Selves. In reading this book, it was an affirmation that living in our shadows, our dark secrete sides was probably the most detrimental thing we could do to ourselves and our growth and our (hopefully) eventual enlightenment. Our history certainly is not NOW but it is a determinate of NOW and perhaps LATER. If we deny our histories, we deny a portion of who we are, where we are and what we are. Bringing up our past experiences is a way of understanding why, where, whom and what we (and I mean me as well), have learned and helps us to grow UP and OUT, stretching ourselves into "infinity and beyond!" (to quote a Toy Story character.)
Sadly, not everyone in my circle is there, can deal with the speaking without thinking (thinking is just a tool, as is our minds, I believe), Once something is said, unfortunately, it takes the form of cement in some cases and creates a barrier for sharing freely. Unless you or I or anyone person for that matter can get beyond the barriers we have created, the flow stops and we are left with a rigidity of being. Not a good thing in my opinion. Not for me. So, to remain in the circle takes a good deal of tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. Not everyone is ready or can go that path. But I am here and for that matter, always will be...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adp61fE2 ... re=related