Hairnets & Canadians
Posted: June 14th, 2011, 1:38 pm
The woman works at a coffee & donut shop that is owned by some Canadian corporation that has decided to set up operations in these great United States for the thrill of the competition. She has to wear a uniform, a uniform & a hairnet. When she gets home every day she takes off the uniform and rips the hairnet from her head and drops it, just drops it. So these hairnets are all over the house everywhere. These hairnets are like velcro. They fuck the vacuum cleaner up then the vacuum cleaner stands there full of self doubt all because of a hairnet that you can roll up in your fingers 'til it's no bigger than a quarter and weighs no more than a hummingbird's feather. I buy vacuum cleaner belts a dozen at a time because of these things. This morning I got up from the crapper and bent down to pull up my pants when I see a hairnet on the bathroom rug. So I forget my pants and reach for the hairnet to pick it up to save the vacuum cleaner some humiliation. I had just entered the "nothin' but trouble zone" but was blissfully unaware of that fact even though the signs were all around me and, at my age, I know all the signs but there you have it. The hairnet only comes part way loose when the rug and it decide to become one thing like a nine eyed demon from the zen underground. Instead of thinking I am overwhelmed by disbelief and I yank - I yank HARD. I lose my balance and begin to topple forward toward the sink. My right leg shoots out to correct the imbalance but our DNA is fucked in this kind of situation, totally fucked. My pants are still at the level of my ankles. The equal & opposite reaction bullshit is true. My head hits the sink - HARD. Headline - "World's Greatest Unknown Poet Found Unconscious on Bathroom Floor with His Pants at His Ankles and Half a Hairnet Clutched in His Right Hand!"
Now, the woman is worth it most of the time & I hesitate to curse any of the creations that came from the good Lord's hand but there are many times when the world is nothing more than a hell of a place and a complete rebuttal of the self-imagined dignity with which man, in constant and heavy denial mode, insists on gracing himself and his existence with. It all sometimes makes me wish I was a Canadian and didn't much have to give a shit.
Now, the woman is worth it most of the time & I hesitate to curse any of the creations that came from the good Lord's hand but there are many times when the world is nothing more than a hell of a place and a complete rebuttal of the self-imagined dignity with which man, in constant and heavy denial mode, insists on gracing himself and his existence with. It all sometimes makes me wish I was a Canadian and didn't much have to give a shit.
Thx judih. Some days I spend just barking into my coffee or howling into the wind. I clean all the time barkin' & howlin' & jumpin' up & down & I am the CUSTODIAN. Life's work - ya got that right. Thx for readin' judih.