Communications Breakdown
Posted: June 19th, 2011, 8:25 am
Communications Breakdown
6/19/11 06:14 am
I have been thinking a lot about how we communicate with each other. There is the written word, word of mouth, and non verbal type communications. Like with dogs, I don't talk a lot to my dogs, believe it or not. I mean not like I would communicate with other humans.
Some animals appreciate our babbling, especially if they are delivered in a soothing or encouraging tone. They know when we are upset or angry or mad and don't like it much, but they get the drift of where we are at. They are able to read our body language much better than even we are aware of.
And this is the day of mass communications, everything happens in a moment and no longer do we read it days or weeks or even months after the event. We are here now, so to speak, as it happens. (How zen is that?) And so a lot of the really fine arts of communications are being lost. I mean, how many of our children or their children know how to write in cursive, for example. How many young people are taught to send a card of thanks, a birthday greeting sent over long distances, or an invitation to an event? It is all evolved into electronics, gadgets, quick (make it quick!), 140 characters or less, punctuated with "lol's" and "brb's".
Oh, not that I believe this should change (I am not the arbiter of change, no sirree!) but it does give an elder pause, especially since I grew up learning the fine art of communications, beautiful handwriting, journal-ling, and then occasionally sending a card or two to show my care, love and concern to whomever is lucky enough to be in my close circle but far enough away to appreciate the gesture.
Verbal communications, I am finding at this late age, are really tricky. I mean I have lived with a mate for going on 40 years and he still doesn't know what I am talking about a good deal of the time. Really. Either he has learned to tune me out as I am (he perceives) always blathering or bitching or something he finds interrupting or distressing to his peace of mind or something akin to that. I am frustrated that I have to repeat something I said only moments before because he doesn't listen to me. And honestly, I am witty and endlessly fascinating at least in my estimation! I only half jest here as I make me laugh all the time. Not that he doesn't make me laugh, he does, frequently, but we speak a totally different language. I might as well be speaking Navajo and he Japanese and trying to understand what each other is saying.
Now tell me, is it because we are different sexes? I am beginning to actually believe this. Is it because he has a penis and I have a vagina? Is there some separation in communication that occurs because of levels of hormones? He is stimulated by totally different things than I am and vicey versy. But I am getting off the path (it's okay) and the point I was getting at and that may be the crux of the communicating issue is I can go down any old path, like the movie "UP" where the dog is constantly distracted by the squirrel when he is trying to talk. (If you haven't seen the movie, I apologize for the analogy and encourage you to do so, it is a great movie!) My girlfriends know exactly where I am going and follow the conversations easily but men (I know, I am generalizing but that is what I am experiencing) are baffled and make comments like, "I thought we were talking about Obama and now you are talking about souffles?"
Now I do have girlfriends that are one tracked when it comes to conversation and will let me go off the path and then just continue on where we left off in the first place but they are rare. (That is the problem with generalization but like I said, they are rare in my experience.) And I have met men that are just as willy nilly, path wanderers as I am and they too are rare (and refreshing!)
And as endlessly interesting as I find my conversations, my mate doesn't, at least, I don't think he does. He will not seek out anything I write (he most likely won't read this, even though he thinks he is interesting too and what he writes is of utmost import) I tend to find his favorite subjects boring or teeth gnashing to no end that I can see. What is happening in the world is not nearly as important to me as what is happening to the mockingbird singing in my yard or something new flowering or "stuff like 'at." (A southern expression that both of us use and understand...)
Not that we don't communicate or have a great and wonderful relationship. We do! But there is not a day that goes by that one or the other of us doesn't experience frustration with the process of trying to understand what the other person is actually talking about. This is a conversation (bear with me) that we had yesterday after I took a nap.
Me: "I had a dream about our dog Chang, a really weird dream." (Note: Chang has vision problems from a poisoning in puppyhood.)
He: (playing a video game in the same room) "Uh, oh yeah?" He barely looks up and doesn't turn in rapt attention as the game is still foremost, and more important at the moment.
Me: "Yeah, I dreamed he had one eye with the pupil really dilated and the other like a pinpoint, you know, like a cartoon dog you see. One eye big and one eye small."
He: He finally turns around and stares at me like I said a meteor had hit the house. "A cartoon dog? What cartoon?"
Me: Wondering what he is talking about as I am now sure he is doing the same. "Not any cartoon, you know, where the dog has one pupil bigger than the other and it is all wonky looking!"
He: "Wonky?" Like this is a word I have never used before and doesn't compute. "You mean like the dog in Little Rascals that has that black spot on one eye?"
Me: Getting really frustrated now as he is totally not getting what I am getting AT, "NO, that is a black spot over the eye, I am talking ABOUT THE PUPILS! Do you know what pupils are?"
He: "Yes, of course, it is the black spot in the center of the eye" Wondering why I am so frustrated, I am sure. "What about it?"
Me: "Never mind, forget it!" as I watch him turn back to his video game.
Phone rings and he answers, it is a really dear girlfriend of ours and he chit chats a bit and then hands the phone to me.
Me: "Hi!, I had a really strange dream about Chang! He was like one of those cartoon dogs with one pupil big and one a pinpoint"
She: "Wow, wonder what that meant? Perhaps you have been worried about his eyesight again"
Me: "Do you know what I meant about a cartoon dog?" Still frustrated by my recent conversation with him. "I mean, do you know what dog I am talking about?"
She: "Of course, a dog with a crazy expression, one eye bigger than the other." Of course.
Now maybe this is just my mate or maybe any dude would wonder what the hell I was talking about or maybe he just doesn't care what "his woman" was babbling on about because it had nothing to do with politics or video games. Maybe. I really don't know. Do you? In fact, I am finally learning that what I do or say has very little to do with his interests unless I am talking about his favorite subjects, which are him, his art, his cooking, his view on the world or his button that is coming off his shirt and whether or not the newscaster has "great tits!".
6/19/11 06:14 am
I have been thinking a lot about how we communicate with each other. There is the written word, word of mouth, and non verbal type communications. Like with dogs, I don't talk a lot to my dogs, believe it or not. I mean not like I would communicate with other humans.
Some animals appreciate our babbling, especially if they are delivered in a soothing or encouraging tone. They know when we are upset or angry or mad and don't like it much, but they get the drift of where we are at. They are able to read our body language much better than even we are aware of.
And this is the day of mass communications, everything happens in a moment and no longer do we read it days or weeks or even months after the event. We are here now, so to speak, as it happens. (How zen is that?) And so a lot of the really fine arts of communications are being lost. I mean, how many of our children or their children know how to write in cursive, for example. How many young people are taught to send a card of thanks, a birthday greeting sent over long distances, or an invitation to an event? It is all evolved into electronics, gadgets, quick (make it quick!), 140 characters or less, punctuated with "lol's" and "brb's".
Oh, not that I believe this should change (I am not the arbiter of change, no sirree!) but it does give an elder pause, especially since I grew up learning the fine art of communications, beautiful handwriting, journal-ling, and then occasionally sending a card or two to show my care, love and concern to whomever is lucky enough to be in my close circle but far enough away to appreciate the gesture.
Verbal communications, I am finding at this late age, are really tricky. I mean I have lived with a mate for going on 40 years and he still doesn't know what I am talking about a good deal of the time. Really. Either he has learned to tune me out as I am (he perceives) always blathering or bitching or something he finds interrupting or distressing to his peace of mind or something akin to that. I am frustrated that I have to repeat something I said only moments before because he doesn't listen to me. And honestly, I am witty and endlessly fascinating at least in my estimation! I only half jest here as I make me laugh all the time. Not that he doesn't make me laugh, he does, frequently, but we speak a totally different language. I might as well be speaking Navajo and he Japanese and trying to understand what each other is saying.
Now tell me, is it because we are different sexes? I am beginning to actually believe this. Is it because he has a penis and I have a vagina? Is there some separation in communication that occurs because of levels of hormones? He is stimulated by totally different things than I am and vicey versy. But I am getting off the path (it's okay) and the point I was getting at and that may be the crux of the communicating issue is I can go down any old path, like the movie "UP" where the dog is constantly distracted by the squirrel when he is trying to talk. (If you haven't seen the movie, I apologize for the analogy and encourage you to do so, it is a great movie!) My girlfriends know exactly where I am going and follow the conversations easily but men (I know, I am generalizing but that is what I am experiencing) are baffled and make comments like, "I thought we were talking about Obama and now you are talking about souffles?"
Now I do have girlfriends that are one tracked when it comes to conversation and will let me go off the path and then just continue on where we left off in the first place but they are rare. (That is the problem with generalization but like I said, they are rare in my experience.) And I have met men that are just as willy nilly, path wanderers as I am and they too are rare (and refreshing!)
And as endlessly interesting as I find my conversations, my mate doesn't, at least, I don't think he does. He will not seek out anything I write (he most likely won't read this, even though he thinks he is interesting too and what he writes is of utmost import) I tend to find his favorite subjects boring or teeth gnashing to no end that I can see. What is happening in the world is not nearly as important to me as what is happening to the mockingbird singing in my yard or something new flowering or "stuff like 'at." (A southern expression that both of us use and understand...)
Not that we don't communicate or have a great and wonderful relationship. We do! But there is not a day that goes by that one or the other of us doesn't experience frustration with the process of trying to understand what the other person is actually talking about. This is a conversation (bear with me) that we had yesterday after I took a nap.
Me: "I had a dream about our dog Chang, a really weird dream." (Note: Chang has vision problems from a poisoning in puppyhood.)
He: (playing a video game in the same room) "Uh, oh yeah?" He barely looks up and doesn't turn in rapt attention as the game is still foremost, and more important at the moment.
Me: "Yeah, I dreamed he had one eye with the pupil really dilated and the other like a pinpoint, you know, like a cartoon dog you see. One eye big and one eye small."
He: He finally turns around and stares at me like I said a meteor had hit the house. "A cartoon dog? What cartoon?"
Me: Wondering what he is talking about as I am now sure he is doing the same. "Not any cartoon, you know, where the dog has one pupil bigger than the other and it is all wonky looking!"
He: "Wonky?" Like this is a word I have never used before and doesn't compute. "You mean like the dog in Little Rascals that has that black spot on one eye?"
Me: Getting really frustrated now as he is totally not getting what I am getting AT, "NO, that is a black spot over the eye, I am talking ABOUT THE PUPILS! Do you know what pupils are?"
He: "Yes, of course, it is the black spot in the center of the eye" Wondering why I am so frustrated, I am sure. "What about it?"
Me: "Never mind, forget it!" as I watch him turn back to his video game.
Phone rings and he answers, it is a really dear girlfriend of ours and he chit chats a bit and then hands the phone to me.
Me: "Hi!, I had a really strange dream about Chang! He was like one of those cartoon dogs with one pupil big and one a pinpoint"
She: "Wow, wonder what that meant? Perhaps you have been worried about his eyesight again"
Me: "Do you know what I meant about a cartoon dog?" Still frustrated by my recent conversation with him. "I mean, do you know what dog I am talking about?"
She: "Of course, a dog with a crazy expression, one eye bigger than the other." Of course.
Now maybe this is just my mate or maybe any dude would wonder what the hell I was talking about or maybe he just doesn't care what "his woman" was babbling on about because it had nothing to do with politics or video games. Maybe. I really don't know. Do you? In fact, I am finally learning that what I do or say has very little to do with his interests unless I am talking about his favorite subjects, which are him, his art, his cooking, his view on the world or his button that is coming off his shirt and whether or not the newscaster has "great tits!".
