band-aid

[creativesoul]

when i was 17 i married a cajun drummer, he had green eyes and he played really well- and sang to boot- he was 29- we were all over the bay area- and then tahoe= there was a bar- called the buzzards roost- and we lived above it- his band played r and b- and in those days tower of power and ray stevens were rocking the house-lenny pickett and his sax, and that hair-anyway-back to the story-
he was a wild man- why else would i be attracted to him? he had all the apeman traits a girl like me thought added up to love- but nope- it wasnt
i watched him walk sideways to the 7 11 to get a six pack= i didnt know nuthing about nuthing really.so one morning i wake up with my head in the bass drum[there was a pillow in there] and the police are at my door- i guess the guys got drunk and broke into the bar downstairs-
so i am in the cop shop in tahoe= the cop sez to me' ah you look ok, like you could have a life- why are you with this guy?'
from a cop i had to hear that.
then i gave up- this giving up thing has to go
then i met the father of my children, he swept me off my feet- and i had babies and never saw him- he was italian- i really messed up- i am indian and should not drink- he liked raw meat and christopher columbus discovered america,..... blah blah blah
but we made the most amazing kids- was 50/50 he did half i did half- god did most of it- but he has a love /hate vendetta with me- he doesnt want me, but he does not want anyone else to have me either-

and then i met surfer Gordon in hanalei-= i just wanted his company- and he gave it to me- those eyes- that sea salt taste on his awesome body- well as usual this story is kind of sad- he died- but he couldnt stay clean- and i am blessed that so far - i am still standing- but if i drink, the gig is up sisters-
SO HE SURFED- and he knew everyone in hanalei and he had a great personality, industrious, and loving, but he died from too much dope= the family will never say that- but my friend that was in prison said 'he used to buy dope off me every day'
so his throat couldnt handle-
but i tried everything a crazy ala non can do-
anyway
then i met the other' him'
he was so sexy to me- until threads came loose and he snapped
with good reason s- and the wrong reasons
like many little dogs yapping
i had to leave
all of my love
is what i had to give-=then- and now- of dead men and relationships
i listen to all of them- like they were still here in my life- telling me what to do- that i am not doing things the way they would-and i never could 'do it the way they did it-'- been sort of like a bummer tatoo- having a way that things are =and the way it is revealed -for me it- is the way i was taught-see yourself in these tales-i watch women tell the same lies i told myself- the need to 'make them better than they are' so we can believe the odd moments are nothing-but even nothing is something-
tooting our own horns believing what we think-purely instinct- but my thinking is lost at the moan and whisper of love-fear walks the plank= the polite term is completely nutz-
my frenz ask me questions like would you get married again? oy vey= as far as i know there is not a 12 step program for women that like to get married, but i think i qualify at four-and cleaning up all my wreckage has atken quite a bit of energy-i think not-but the same things seem to enter my mind s eye- the trouble with love is....one day- it is as if you were enveloped in a sweetness- and then no skin at all-one minute the joy of loving, the next- how to relieve the annoyance- of loud vdeo games, and never going outside together-the men i know now like to share whatever is going on in thier lives- i never really understand them when they talk= so i just listen- dont know why they have to describe every move they made that day- it is like some intimacy they have with thier tools, that doesnt carry like music into the love loft=so i left a bummer sticker= ' i had a whole lot of nothing when i got here, and i still have alot of that left'

[the mingo]

leaving my sunglassed smiley face behind to let you know i'd been here to read this didn't seem quite enough given the content of this piece - so i'm leaving two -

[mnaz]

strange how you see things more clearly with time. even if it is to realize that some things will never be entirely clear . . .

"like a bummer tatoo" . . . haha.

[creativesoul]

but maybe it is like my illistrated woman- many tatooz=