15 years ago -part 3
Posted: November 4th, 2012, 3:47 pm
the man had a sweet glow to him- he was in zupans, i had just found the place i liked to be inside- on the machines at the gym- the peace eminating inside was all over me like honey-
he gave me his card- i told him about the woman i bought a house with, the tragic marriage, the happiness i refilled by leaving for hawaii for a few years- my body was glowing in the dark now-the vast opportunities appeared in the sun light now leaving this day to begin another- he was finally fading from my heart and =the groove inside had music and poetry and paintings spewing out of it-
he was tall, handsome- and he worked at a bank- he looked up records for me= told me what was up with the people i had to take to court=
i liked being 'let in' on secrets
stimulated the parts of me that brought me a false sense of security= it did not matter anymore, about winning or losing, the prize was already in my lap- like the stuffed animals at an amusement park- for throwing baseballs in a milk container- i was carrying armloads of toys= my smile and laughter were the thing i had won- the tears were now of joy, of being able to help others that may have followed this route and gotten kind of lost.
the bear ceremony was all that dreamtime blessings and the spirits had cleared what was once so incredibly sick- that desire to be in something that society had told me was an intrinsic part of what made me of value- vanished- that was history now- and the taste of berries and honey was all over me like bears in the summer in oregon-the human portions of life had taught me well- to watch carefully- to not marry it- to love it as i wished and back away slowly when the expectations grew-
i was talking to my friend afterwords and said' i am going to tell my mom about native men in bear suits' my friend said 'yeah they look a bit like coal miners'
laughter is the ticket= the things i took so seriously - were lessons i had to look at- and today- relaxed with the healing of the bears- having danced in a longhouse all night- standing in my power- i dreamed of things that revealed my heart- my sons - my vision- returned to me-never really left- just went on a trip-
he gave me his card- i told him about the woman i bought a house with, the tragic marriage, the happiness i refilled by leaving for hawaii for a few years- my body was glowing in the dark now-the vast opportunities appeared in the sun light now leaving this day to begin another- he was finally fading from my heart and =the groove inside had music and poetry and paintings spewing out of it-
he was tall, handsome- and he worked at a bank- he looked up records for me= told me what was up with the people i had to take to court=
i liked being 'let in' on secrets
stimulated the parts of me that brought me a false sense of security= it did not matter anymore, about winning or losing, the prize was already in my lap- like the stuffed animals at an amusement park- for throwing baseballs in a milk container- i was carrying armloads of toys= my smile and laughter were the thing i had won- the tears were now of joy, of being able to help others that may have followed this route and gotten kind of lost.
the bear ceremony was all that dreamtime blessings and the spirits had cleared what was once so incredibly sick- that desire to be in something that society had told me was an intrinsic part of what made me of value- vanished- that was history now- and the taste of berries and honey was all over me like bears in the summer in oregon-the human portions of life had taught me well- to watch carefully- to not marry it- to love it as i wished and back away slowly when the expectations grew-
i was talking to my friend afterwords and said' i am going to tell my mom about native men in bear suits' my friend said 'yeah they look a bit like coal miners'
laughter is the ticket= the things i took so seriously - were lessons i had to look at- and today- relaxed with the healing of the bears- having danced in a longhouse all night- standing in my power- i dreamed of things that revealed my heart- my sons - my vision- returned to me-never really left- just went on a trip-
