in part- for the greater whole

[creativesoul]

i must be strong= i have to build this body up- the urges of modern society have left me- i no longer want what the regular people seem to want- i eat- i sleep- i make what used to be an atrophied heart and soul wrap up like christmas candy the sweetness i can muster to give away that day- maybe i am crazy- maybe not- the way i see things- it would seem that the 'every man for himself' thing has grown really tired- the doomsday people with the big plan of how to surrvive a bomb in the USA in the basement with the children and knives and dehydrated food- with bug out packs and secret rooms has me wondering about the times when i saw a utopian planet with all of giving love and light and helping each other, smiling and generously sharing what we had- seem to go up in a puff of sage smoke- i came on the internet tonight to buy an aim t-shirt and ended up buying vitmin supplements and then reading some poltical piece and all the air just kind of went whosh right out of me- even my puppy is over it with his toy- looking at me with those loving brown eyes- 'whats up?'
i dreamed of a man that saw who i was when i was a small child, he adopted me, married my actress mother- and was driving a red cadallic-my life in a hollywood family had not been so beautiful- as depicted on tv- and he came along and the world seemed like magic after that- he laughed- he watched tv with me- he had a great sense of humor- and he taught me to love- the things that seemed rather ugly sometimes- like when mom had a hissy fit and just started slapping me-
he had a way to tell me with his eyes- not to speak- that it was to my advantage-
he came into my dream this morning to warn me about a man i was married to-i had seen this little clip from the future floating above me- and then it would drop- no ending- he came to tell me to stay away from him at all costs- that i would regret it if i even said hello-
knowing this man- i believe everything he said to me- because he never lied to me not once-but now i have to listen= see- because-i take this stuff real seriously- when people i love come to me in dream time it is very important that i pay attention-
it took me three years to heal from the damage that that husband caused me- from dental work- physical therapy- shrink appts and the like-i know that i will kill him if he tries to hurt me again- that there are many women in jail for the same reason- that no lie that falls from his lips could ever be true- that- the real deal is that sociopaths cannot and will never be capable of empathy-
even his mother has come to me and told me that 'he is fucked up because of what i did to him' 'he can never really love a woman'
i know that=in the pit of my stomach- even as i type this--- even before she told me- that sick feeling that brings the taste of metal dust and the white trailor trash he wears to work- cheap after shave and the never ending mustashes and beards he grows to hide from everyone how crazy he really is...now - he is marrying the pilsbury dough girl- and i am ever so grateful- he owes her- see-
so i will go on with my dream of seeing people heal with the gifts i have in my hands- and in my soul- and go on- incognito - far away from where ever that small little insight i thought i had- of forgiving him- thinking that he could heal- because chuck told me so-
that flow of light that comes from my heart- i send you sweet man that saved me from what could have been far wrose- i miss you=
happy birthday=nov 10=2012 i love my sister- you rocked as a father- xxoo

;'

[dadio]

God do you know how to get things down and make the reader pay attention. I am hooked. If this is what your life has been( and I assume it has) then you have survived some real shit. Nonetheless, as a work of prose it is there amongst my favourites.

[creativesoul]

THANK YOU= i send you some of the empathy and real walking talking faith that has brought me here- pass it on