failure

[creativesoul]

Kapuna santos was a hawaiian woman that taught the kids to play ukele and hula at HANALEI school in kauai- back in th 1980s- i had moved there with my kids after divorsing my italian husband because he was never home and i was not that kind of woman- i was made for love- i wanted him in my sleep- and he didnt understand that-
so i was swept into HANALEI on vacation- and i know that when i watched these things roll down the river that the peace that returned to me- was a gift- that seemed to come from the island-
the kids that went to school with mine were beautiful- they jumped on a trampoline in the yard and you could see their heads on the second floor ='boing boing' hear the laughter- surfboards were strewn on the lawn-and hibiscus hedges laced the fenceline- living right in town had social advantages= 'people dropped by'
Gordon and Primo agreed that the kids were diamonds in the rough, and the most important thing- they shook hands- he told me= 'the kids will come to live with me later= go to boarding school in switzerland' i felt that throat swell up- and that knot rising like a fish hook- they played rollar blade hockey which for me was one of my favorite times as a parent-
it was 15 years later- the kids were grown up- i returned after what seemed another failure and set out to let the spirit s tell me what the next right thing was to do- i listened to the water-the blue sky and the sweetness of that lush jungle beneathe my feet-
that 12 mile hike --- the places inside that grew from the islands generous palm.....from the old ones modern times had crept in like the sleeping monk seal the doctor that had the island strung out finally went to prison, Gordon died of cancer and the world had changed in such a way that there were no jobs, and growing weed was a livlihood that supported huge land taxes and a life that was a secret to anyone that did not know the secrets of Hanalei and there were far too many- 'what goes on in the taro patch stays in the taro patch'
i hurt- i knew that the strength i had came from the heart- that that force would come up and things would swell and change like the tides inside there- that whati once thought was a failure was infact- a victory-

i went into the river and held the lava rocks-crying- i said'i have failed'
that evening the meth lab accross from my house blew up three fire depts came to put it out-it was old man ipo s house- he knew the mountains and and valleys and rivers by name - the old ways, the old songs-

i did not fail- that love they gave me and my children was a gift= and i am still trying to find a way to give it back
ALOHA