since then2

[creativesoul]

I AM ASLEEP- THE IMAGE IN MY MIND IS OF THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN WEARING A SHIRT BACK IN 1991- he is walking in a taro patch- the kids were young - i see him walking-
i am not sure why i saw him in my dream- or was it the other husband- they just all wear the same husband clothes for these various roles- showing up for parent teacher conference- yes that shirt- always-

i was not thinking of him when i saw that image - i was thinking about some of the other fathers- and what they did- what they looked like- what they wore- i was often confused by what a father really did- in some ways - they have photos in thier wallets and briefcases of thier kids- they have back child support-

and the women are trying to 'make them happy' the husbands- constantly worried they are cheatng- or they are doing it themselves-
and i look at my father
and i wonder how i was supposed to do it? i still dont understand what i was supposed to learn from him- i can laugh at some of the good times- but... i dont get it poppy

[creativesoul]

i could ask for prayer- and he would oblige me= once he got me a rent a car- but for the most part- in a man s mind- women ar supposed to drop thier lives and do what the man wants to do- watch them work on cars- hand them a tool- are you kidding me?
my dad is an actor-so he really likes talkin in front of people- squinting his eyes like a cowboy- because that is what he does--
although i fall asleep when he is talking- as it calms me- i am never in the limelight-