old frenz

[creativesoul]

we were talking about those times when africa and italy were not places far away but a portion of our lives had been lived there- somewhat dishelveled by the present- she was a true sunglass whore and ran outside at the oppurtunity to wear those maui jims- any chance to escape vulnerability.her old friend was another artist, that used to sculpt but the stuff was too heavy so now big artists are paying her to fly to italy and hang things on the walls-she was good at figuring out 'what to do'
women like her were such a stepping stone in my life- without them- it would not have made any sense at all-the women with children hanging off them ALL OVER THE WORLD has stayed with me- long after i left the country.

but these days= other women are just 'other women' = i dont see the halos anymore- and i smell chocloate all the time-if this means i will be in heaven soon- im ok with it=
one of my elders said='be careful'
i said'ill take the trolley'
good she said


husbands- i had four- and two are dead- but my story was one that took a bit longer to tell- one by one the errors of time took care of themselves- lost loves held hands
and sung by the campfire
yeah sure
if you believe that....

i see my own reflection as a woman as a mother, as a daughter- there were times- i did not see myself at all- i saw only 'him' like a light halo around his head- whoever he was- at that time- some obsession- some ruling tyrant- some deeply disturbed person i wanted to heal- to love-
it would have been easier i think to cut off my hair
sometimes i think that staying inside for the whole day wouldnt be bad- all the antibiotics and dog walks keep me happy= painting women with pipes in thier hands
what about that pipe- that cell phone to God that amzing prayer = those deep feelings of emotional froth often mistaken for spirituality- and the human beings wanting to take credit for what the spirits do anyway--- some say - it is because the blood, the birthright- others say - weare suffering when it comes to elders