West side Alano club

[creativesoul]

It's about 230-the dog and I roll up to the club- " recovery in the house" meeting- NA-
I bring the dog with me with the crew
He brings out the best in people- people that need love- after a harrowing experience with whatever substance has them down for keeps!
It is hard to hear sometimes -
I think back- to the early days- and how the AA girls used to dress slutty and pick up on addict guys. I would see these hot handsome looking guys- driving the brand new beautiful cars in Armani suits- it was just too much for me- I wanted what they had all right- and I got some of it- but I would imagine a life with a man like that- what it would be like- to be I love like that- to feel his hot burning body in the tropical breezes- to have all that style wrapped around my life. I wanted something you cannot get from anyone else-
It is rather sad- all that pain sort of went away- I was brought back a few times- to see - that who I thought I was and who I really am does not match- and to achieve who I wanted to be- but I had to reexamine all of it- all the broken stuff- how I was when my children were in the first years of their lives is not who I am today.
But now when I see that look in young women's eyes- I know what it means- how it feels- to be that lost and confused.....
I have a heart fu ll of experience strength and hope- and sometimes tears of gratitude fall down the front of my shirt and face- I am so happy when the sunlight comes streaming thru the windows... I feel love for myself and other people- Narcotics anymous is a place to go when - the shit hits the fan- it's a lovely way to renovate the soul- the key is to allow it to work- and get to know other people - learn about other people and see yourself- if you can- polish the broken shards- out yourself back together- in a way that helps you to see your assets----
It was here that I became someone that didn't have to rely on anyone but Creator----
And the people I have met have told me their stories-
And I feel trusted and loved- it works- even when I didn't want it too......

[creativesoul]

Not so sure sometimes about things that ' normal people " can do
I was never " one of those"
People look
At me like I am a sandwich
And that I am strong
... Somehow intimidating
But they don't know I'm deaf
Unemployed and depressed -
One drink away from a deadly drunk
It is scary
Because when that shit hits
There is nothing that can stop me but -God himself
It is a mean disease and it shows no mercy until the surrender
Believe me
It is not fun
To have disabilities
It is really a test
Time tells all in a story

[whoaisme]

thank you for sharing this, creative soul!

many great lines here and i enjoyed hearing your story...maybe my favorite line was

"who I thought I was and who I really am does not match"

even though i've never been to a NA or AA metting, this story provided moments where i said, "oh, i might not be as alone as i initially thought, eh?"

[creativesoul]

there are beveled windows and when the sun shines through
there are little rainbows everywhere
there are people like in a blind art exhibit feeling the way
past the rough edges and raw
to where each of us saw
we are the same
no way to tame this wild animal
just try to keep things under control
dont yell
dont move to fast
never know what will make this disease aghast with the potential threat
of all that karma and spiritual debt
those times when ego dishes out snarky judgement
rushes of narassistic behavior
ugh
it is a process
those steps
yep
drop the rox

[mnaz]

It's a long process for sure. Losing my self-importance (which can create all sorts of unpleasant effects and side-effects) has been a long, but necessary process-- though one has to stay as true to himself/herself as possible along the way ...

[creativesoul]

I'm the coffee goddess
Sunday night new alternatives
530 in the basement
Yep
It's a little strange this meeting-___
Earths odds and ends come here
To heal reveal - and make a deal with -God
The streets spit them out here