the heat
Posted: October 18th, 2015, 11:07 am
my skin is boiling with the week and the stories that roll around in my head in dreams that chose to elude me- my father tells me that he is going to be frankenstein in a new production in new york= a movie = o will once again feel the same othered sensation of being othered and that truly i am frenkenstiens daughter= it wasnt enough to wake up thinking he was in my house- waking from a drunken stupor with the tv on- and seeing his face on the screen.
everything hurts, my eyes, my neck my back= that i sleep on the best bed made does not seem to change anything- finished 'dry ' by burroughs and cried=
i wake up and go out into the rain and smoke a cig- with my microwaved coffee from yesterday- public morals is on - i listen to it and tap the computer in hopes that something real and deep will emerge- but no- it is still very much on the surface- like the blankets on the bed are too hot- i sweat thru the night - menopause- when it rolls me like a thief in the alleys of my mind- a drunken sailor would stand a better chance of surrvival
without my children i was st judes reason to stand for those that are lost causes-
my reason has dripped off me
celtic women in myths and legends loom near as i have to write a 5 page paper for a woman who teaches at the university with a large penetrating third eye that spooks me-perhaps the things i thought were important were really meaningless after all-only the dog seems to penetrate the small world i have enclosed myself in- dramatic and filled with a whole bunch of honest conclusions i wake to a sunday where the construction of the hotel accross the street is finally quiet-the wench that owes me 65 grande appeared in my apt complex dressed in horrid bali garb and with her ratty gray braid that i have dreamed of cutting off- and swinging around the room=
she has natives working for her for for free for her 'wisdom of the elders non-profit'= donating what they can = while i think that soon the bitch will die and i will do a happy dance- and get my house back-
the court system = the lawyers and their snail like pace have me angry and disillusioned-
my lawyer is coming over today-because i went and got another one.
my head feels like someone kicked me in the middle of the night- and i am ever so tired of having to be a warrior
all of these things bother me- the trust i once had for women- men- it wastes the energy i could be painting with - erodes my kindness= tastes like vinegar= and there is a part of me that knows that this will end- that she will die- i will dance- and life will get much better -
this heat on my skin - it brings a sweetness- a warmth of the soul
everything hurts, my eyes, my neck my back= that i sleep on the best bed made does not seem to change anything- finished 'dry ' by burroughs and cried=
i wake up and go out into the rain and smoke a cig- with my microwaved coffee from yesterday- public morals is on - i listen to it and tap the computer in hopes that something real and deep will emerge- but no- it is still very much on the surface- like the blankets on the bed are too hot- i sweat thru the night - menopause- when it rolls me like a thief in the alleys of my mind- a drunken sailor would stand a better chance of surrvival
without my children i was st judes reason to stand for those that are lost causes-
my reason has dripped off me
celtic women in myths and legends loom near as i have to write a 5 page paper for a woman who teaches at the university with a large penetrating third eye that spooks me-perhaps the things i thought were important were really meaningless after all-only the dog seems to penetrate the small world i have enclosed myself in- dramatic and filled with a whole bunch of honest conclusions i wake to a sunday where the construction of the hotel accross the street is finally quiet-the wench that owes me 65 grande appeared in my apt complex dressed in horrid bali garb and with her ratty gray braid that i have dreamed of cutting off- and swinging around the room=
she has natives working for her for for free for her 'wisdom of the elders non-profit'= donating what they can = while i think that soon the bitch will die and i will do a happy dance- and get my house back-
the court system = the lawyers and their snail like pace have me angry and disillusioned-
my lawyer is coming over today-because i went and got another one.
my head feels like someone kicked me in the middle of the night- and i am ever so tired of having to be a warrior
all of these things bother me- the trust i once had for women- men- it wastes the energy i could be painting with - erodes my kindness= tastes like vinegar= and there is a part of me that knows that this will end- that she will die- i will dance- and life will get much better -
this heat on my skin - it brings a sweetness- a warmth of the soul