Studio8 - Uniting the Arts

I’m with a broken refrigerator in palm desert with one of the best cooks from Italy : I almost had my second son in his restaurant-
I was a queen.. Italian food and don peron champagne after Micheal was born: had a quick fistfight with my mother. And my sister and her took off with my car to Milano-
I am and always have been dazed by “ real life” - I drank gavi di gavi scholera di oro. My confidante was Gino.
This is one of the reasons that Gino dropped out of the sky with new hips and the desire to see me.
I was Married to a very intelligent interesting Italian man that worked very hard in Africa—
Everything about being from holmby Hills California made that rather difficult-
My training was in being an asset to any gathering.
Which was something I could do- most of the time.
I found out that in Nigeria you can buy any drug over the counter- this was the beginning of wanting to just sleep-
I felt no pain
But I did not feel much else either
New tits
And a serious drug and alcohol problem
But I thought I was having fun-
Truth be told
I was horrible
It took years for me to see it
I really was the last one to know

I went to the AA and this old woman with really strange fingers- told me to read the third step prayer out loud- right there in the club!
I so remember that feeling- like I had been tricked- and now - whether I liked it or not- I belonged to God- and I still was not sure what team I was on-
As God would have it/ I guess that was a good call- I’m still here-spent a few years trying to fight it people like me die every day ... I think about how I really cringe when I hear the word “ unresponsive “ makes me sick
How close I came to closing my doors forever... pain can do that .. all the types.. physical spiritual mental
I am so happy I did not succeed at killing myself. I really wanted to the last time I was on Kaua’i
No one will ever understand that.that I had no control- that I blacked out and hurt peoples feelings: that I did not have a good temperament- - but I thought I was so cool- I was the last to know-

I think back to when this woman told me there was a lot of sadness on Kaua’i
I thought she was a nut- she was a bar tender married to a local Hawaiian guy that recently got indicted in some drug case on Kaua’i-
Maybe she knew someday she would feel sad and alone- years before it happened-
That was her choice-
My choice is not to be around that kind of sadness- like a dog licking my wounds- filled with self centered pride- ego so big my head can barely fit through the door-
Once my son told me I should be more humble- I had to really see things the way he did- see me the way he did-
My off the cuff sassy attitude was annoying- I was the last to know— but he was right