what is this stranger to do?

[Whitebird Sings]

my friend
expects
me to be there

she called to say
come with me to the mikveh

how did she know
my soul was calling out
-- for water?
-- for immersion?

as i enter
to the place
of the mikveh
i will be unknown
to everyone
but my friend

my blood
my skin
my eyes
all
defy
a category
and
i have found
more than once
that
not having a category
excludes me
more often
than
includes me

how do i tell her
how much
her invitation
means to me
and
how afraid i am
at the same time?

my fear comes from
a place deep inside me
because
she is so special to me
this friend
and i would never
want my presence
anywhere
to betray her
in anyway

and to be honest,
my fear
that
comes from
a place deep inside me
is also
rooted in a lifetime
of being told
"you're not like us"
"you don't belong"

entering there
she assures me
i will be embraced

still,
i do not want
to be an intruder
no matter how
badly my soul
aches for a ritual such as this...

what is this stranger to do?

[judih]

warm jacuzzi place
(no jacuzzi?)
eyes shyly averted
(modesty a virtue)
welcome to the warmth
deep sister bond
we're of blood relation
we're of heart relation
we're of need relation

this invitation is for you
say yes

[Whitebird Sings]

not a jacuzzi or a pool
tevilah
i'm told

a place of beauty
a river
in the countryside
with
bonfires burning to keep us warm

wrapped in blankets
we drop our cover
and
step naked
into the night air
underneath the stars

i once was shy
but
no more

eve ensler helped with that
and other sister bonds

i no longer fear
that form
of
vulnerability

the ones our mothers
handed down to us

it is another,
the one about
what relation i am...

the relation of need?
yes

the relation of heart?
i hope so

the relation of blood?
there it is

still,
you give me courage
and so i'll go
and risk again
the possibility
of being shunned

i will smile my half smile --
if nothing else
it will be for
my friend's heart
and
maybe my heart too...

...and who knows
there
may be
judihs
there
who will receive me...

(why is that this night where i will be immersed in water is causing my heart to burn? what is it stirring up deep within me? what are these tears i shed? better now, than then. can't let them see -- especially my friend -- not now, not then)

shalom angel
thank you for winging by

[judih]

tevilah is baptism
it is ganges
it is ancient cleanse

once in water
the mind is alone
pure experience

what cries within
is fear, loneliness, longing
mother, where are you?

let the heart weep
for comfort and protection
for your cries will be heard

you will be sheltered
and loved
this is a certainty

[Whitebird Sings]

you are a skilled weaver
sister,
i see the threads

baptism
tevilah
ganges and goddess

sisters
in our nakedness
standing in the river

blood sisters

multiplicity
and
oneness

sisters
in our nakedness
standing in the river

HER waters
restore us
so that we dwell in peace...

sisters
in our nakedness
standing in the river

simcha is ours to receive

to embrace

sisters
in our nakedness
standing in the river

[Whitebird Sings]

look yonder
with tender eyes
born of a tender heart...

there she flows

[judih]

a beautiful stream