perpetual jam!!!!!!!!!

[saw]

just think
on December 2nd of this year
the perpetual jam will be
Twenty Years Old
I find that remarkable......so I'm
remarking about it......
minds fixed in time. a history
of thoughts, and where you were
if you've been around, but anyone can read
sections of the jam, and think about
what was going on then....where were these heads
I love the expression, where was your head ?
as if there was some disembodiment
and despite what you body was doing
your head can perhaps be somewhere else
it congers up time travel, quantum leaps
the ability to stamp your mood, your mode, your meaning ( the 3 m's)
and perhaps when you join the jam, your mark ( the 4th M )
oh eternal memory that cannot be denied ( memory the 5th M )
it's all here.....and growing
and when the fruit is ripe
the jam is made
logged in
I hope there is hope here
the 5 M's are truth ( as it were )

[saw]

onward we go jammin'
into May and beyond
I miss judih so much
there is a hole in my heart
that will never close up
I hope you have found the souls
of wireman and constantine
and can riff a little with words
that soothe us all, words given
to us without our knowing
that old collective consciousness
I crave

[saw]

June has come once again
crisp evenings mild temps
the mosquitos are just waiting
for their chance to draw blood
but lets not get too far ahead of
ourselves
enjoy the patio
watching the birds flit in and out
dreaming of healthy days
happy to be comfortable
and thankful for the peace
of mind
a little peace jam
for the palette....
for the palate..........

[sasha]

June has come around again
and I'm still here to see it -
to behold the astonishing green of bracken
glowing in mid-afternoon sun -
the haze of midges and gnats
swirling above the trail before me -
the foamy red waters of Scott Brook
falling over themselves on their rocky descent
to the Millers River -
to hear its shouts of excitement -
the twanging of hidden green frogs
the baying of bullfrogs
the ovenbirds' alleluja's
the ghostly chant of the veery
and the holy vespers of the wood thrush...
the world has come alive again
and greets me with almost as much enthusiasm
as I greet it

[saw]

I have more medical personel than friends
which may seem like a complaint, but
I would say it's the exact opposite. they
attend to my needs like friends couldn't be asked to
chronic illness though does put a strain on your friends
who woud like to do more, but you are not accepting company
it's simply the nature of the beast
and cancer is a beast, and some feel it's your duty to be stoic
and keep it to yourself....be a man, like John Wayne
like up a Marlboro and laugh at the devil, but
I don't feel that way
writing helps
sharing parts with others seems ok to me
should it really be taboo
I'm not whining
I'm not asking for anything
but sometimes life is more than unicorns and butterflies
I am simply a documentarian

[winddance]

keep on writing
the focus
the thoughts put in order
heal your soul with words
do you shun company?
I ask because my cousin is fighting the C
and I don't know how to help
should I call? not call?

[saw]

it'a very individualized thing
in my case my immune system
is uber compromised, and the truth is
I'm afraid of catching anything at all
of course if both parties are masked up
and particularly if you can meet outside
on the porch or the patio some patients welcome that
I would let your cousin know you are there if needed
if you are nearby, sometimes a ride is important
if you are far away, then let them know you are
available to chat at any time, but you kinda have to feel them out
with email you can each thoughtfully plan what you want to say
so that may preferable to a phone call
but I'm no expert

[sasha]

My ex blogs at a site called Caring Bridge - sort of a virtual support group for people dealing with serious health issues of one kind or another - a community of folks who get what it's like. Free to join, though contributions are always welcome. Her posts have all dealt with the clinical details and vicissitudes of her treatments, but I can't imagine that poetic and philosophical musings would be unwelcome. A journey's a journey no matter which window it's viewed from.....

https://www.caringbridge.org/createwebsiteoriginal

[saw]

thanx roy ....I'll check it out

[saw]

another holiday
another infusion
July 5th after the fireworks in the sky
I settle for them inside my torso
the most stark thing about
chronic illness is it forces you to deal
with today, there are no plans penciled in
on the calendar, only appointments
but limbo isnt such a bad place
it merely requires a mind adjustment
the mind must sync up with the body
it requires flexibility, which is my strength
so there !

[sasha]

the river of time
flows where it wants
takes us where it will
so best sit back
open a beer
light a doob
and enjoy the trip

[saw]

had to buy a vaporizer
to light up the night...day too
officially I have stage 4 cancer
because somehow melanoma
snuck into by lungs...go figure
never did find any on my body
which I understand isnt that weird
so first they took the top lobe
on the right side, and next its been 18 months
of immunotherapy ......so some may ask
why are you smoking dope ?
Isn't the answer obvious ?

[saw]

adjusting
and readjusting
time in flux
changes in the body
and of course the mind
it's a game we play
the game of aging
adjusting
and readjusting
flexibility
coping
the skills one learns
as the calendar advances
some imperceptible
others blunt and demanding

[sasha]

is it morbid
to contemplate mortality?
to say aloud the unspeakable -
that I will die?
those whose hair is still dark
and eyesight keen
think so - they turn away -
"don't talk like that"
"don't say such things"
"mustn't speak of it"
bullshit
I've got more years behind me than ahead
and that's okay, I guess
to admit that the day draws to a close
to think "I'd like to be buried there"
to accept that we all come to an end
and mine isn't too far off
life's been good
I'm not giving up on it
but before it's gone
I'm gonna lick that plate clean

[saw]

one day my family will spread
my ashes in the Gunpowder River
but today I will go grocery shopping

tomorrow I hope will come
but I'm not very worried about it
because today mangos are on sale

next week seems a mile away
and far too far ahead to make plans
so today I will savor mango juice on my chin