Random Rambles

[dolphin girl]

Ever see a sound and light show. I did last night. Watching the skys for the lights, listening to the trees for the sound. Ours was not as well produced as others. Think our producer was out to lunch, or something like that. Maybe he was sleeping on the job. Thank goodness my part didn't take place in the closet, the basement is a swimming pool. Electricity just loves water, and corded phone lines. Now that would have been a real treat, to be bleeding from the ears because there are people out there stupid enough to be on the phone durning a sound and light show. The gods frown on that sort of thing and do eventually get even. ZAP, there you go now your ear is bleeding, and for what, because you wanted to talk while I sang.

Well that's all I got to say, I think.

[dolphin girl]

Looking and waiting
for what we do not know
the green in your eyes
reflects the green of the sky
and we wait in silence.

The first rumble
and a count
one one thousand one
one one thousand two
one one thousand three
one one thousand
rumble, bumble
clap, boom, bang

the light show begins
streaks of blue and purple
with sound effects to add substance
the next time i look into your eyes
i see the lights reflected
a bit frightning,
but beautiful all the same.

The clouds roll on by
and I wonder about the visiters inside
Are they friendly, perhaps jokesters
Are they the enemy, dropping bombs
To scare innocent minds.

My eyes turn blank, like the languid sky
And tears fall, I missed something somewhere.
Looking and waiting for the light show
Listening intendly for the musical storm
Clap
one one thousand one
one one thousand two
one one thousand
clap
one one thousand one
one one thousand two
one one thousand three
clap
rumble bumble............clap

[stilltrucking]

Lightning Rod did not get that name for nothing. You don't want to stand next to him during a storm.

I had a strange experience the other night a

sound and light show inside my skull .

Laying on my bed
My thoughts fading into sleep
My eyes closed and it was like lightning bolt struck me inside my skull. Ball lighting a bright blue ball of electric light and I heard a loud bang. It startled me back to consciousness and I thought what the hell was that. Have I just had a stroke? Am I paralyzed? Can I speak? Nothing seems different, I seem to be the same no change but I remember things I forgot.

From her sweet sixteen party to our sophomore year at college, we dated, we went steady we got engaged and we split up. And we petted, oh lordy did we kiss and hug and lose our clothes along the way. Back in the days when girls wore girdles and garter belts, before the abomination of panty hose. And we never actually did it. Until one morning After we had broken up we started to make love, I was in her, and we were still just a bonding of penis and vagina but Just on the edge of a thrust and then she said no. And I saw it in her face. I asked her, “No?” and she said “No” I said, “Stop” and she said, “Yes”. Later as sat on the edge of her bed she looked at me with such sadness. I think she knew then what a long strange lonely trip it would be. I can still remember the sensation, the feel of her most intimate skin.

A while later I saw her at the movies. She was way pregnant, we smiled and talked, and she still loved me she said. I smiled and said good-bye. And then I turned and walked right into a plate glass door. Bonged my head on it really loud. But I did not feel a thing. Geezer memory, forty four years ago.
The only time my mother ever broke my heart. She wanted to quit college she wanted us to get married and not wait. I told Rose and she said, 'oh Jacky there are plenty of fish in the sea, don't do it." And like the mama's boy I was I listened to her. Got dam me they ought to take a rope and hang me.
Maybe it was some kind of eiphany or defining momment for me. Time will tell, meanwhile I am the same fucking old fool. Man I tell I owe Mtmynd big time for pointing that out to me. sincerely.

Henry Ward Beecher:

It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship.

[lilywhite]

innocence is lost on the wise
innocence is forgotten by the elder
innocence is missed by the youth
and love is fleeting.


There are times when we listen not to our hearts and later regret the choices made for us. Many a first love is buried under, you don't know what love is, you are too young. But it is youth that truly understands love and it's infinity because there is nothing to compare it to. Nothing is known lost, because everything is found. The heart does not wonder, because it knows the truth. But once broken it can never be repaired completely, there are still scars and they hurt worse when they are opened again and again. The scar grows, it never heals.


love lots

[gypsyjoker]

I hate this shit. This gut spilling. What the hell is the point?


Like looking at a paralell life.

Or as jitterbug would sing,

"talk about what used to be, waste another day
hustle on the east coast for your west coast fare
trying to get to some place but you dont know where
going through the motions going nowheres fast"

[gypsyjoker]

sorry LW I was posting the same time as yours.

thank for your words

I would rather have a broken heart

than have one that was Invulnerable to love

I don't know much about women. I wondered if her No meant Yes, but her face told me that her No meant No. I think it was an act of self preservation for her. No condom, no birth control pills. She did not need a crazy son of bitch like me in her life for the next eighteen years. Abortion was still illegal. But I think women had a lot of D and C back then.

[lilywhite]

we spill our hearts
at the turn of the pen
and get stuck by a pin
instead.
just a small prick
but the blood gushes
staining the tile
crimson.

I hide within my pain
finding nothing to gain
everything comes out the same
it is just our little game.

can not still a sharp tongue
it will eventually cut its own throat
and we'll ride the waves of anger
and hate
and perhaps wait for a more
suitable quote.

[Ann Bingham]

She has that incredible knack of biting
leaving brusies.
She is not involnerable,
she is too volnerable
it scares the hell out of her.
I'll pick up the pieces again
and put them back together
the picture won't look the same
hopefully still beautiful though.

Guess i should just strangle her
and get it overwith.
she wants to say she's sorry
but she's too proud
so I'll do it for her.
Seems I'm always cleaning up her messes anyway.

[stilltrucking]

A woman must do what a woman must do
In 1962
You did not know me
It any one was a hater and a biter it was me

I wish her every happiness

I think she did the right thing
I think she woud have rued the day she married me.
You have no idea how crazy I was.
The youngest son of a youngest son

Thank you both

I think hearts do heal
I feel as if mine has
It has been a good life for me
So far.

I was just thinking about that feeling of being inside her. A memory like a day on a sailboat going down the Severn River to Annapolis. Or trucking through the desert on a starry night.

I wish I could find it
I think it is one of his best
A paraphrase
I know the location of every crumb of happiness that has fallen through the cracks (yabyum)

I have plans for morre happy memories. Motor cycle memories.

And this scribbling of mine brings me happiness too
thank you

[dolphin girl]

I wasn't even a glimmer in my father's eyes, where ever he is. And yes we do what we do for the best of all involved. Sounds nice your motor cycle memories. Fresh air, perhaps a ride along a beach somewhere in time.

I once had a love
a very true love
I may never feel that again
But it was beautiful and honest and pure.
then life got in the way
the girl grows up
the woman grows old
but his face I shall always remember
just the way he was when I was 14, 16
he broke my heart at 18.
and I ran
I am still running.

[stilltrucking]

I been running a long time too
It gets to be habit
Life gets in the way?

That is interesting.
Life is the way
You know I can still remember what she was wearing the night of her sweet sixteen party. A red sweater with a bow on top.

Now that I look back I know it was not the sweater I remember so much as the curves there in.

Teen spirit

Mourning and Melancholia
it is a tricky thing
There is something called the Sylvia Plath effet. I like the word reify a lot. I think it means when we turn abstract constructs into real things. For example IQ scores. So there may not be a sylvia plath effect, but suicide is so prevelant among writers.

You would think they should be blessed?

Yeah it was true love
It was innocence
It was passion
It was teen age lust
It was take it or leave it
She made her decision
Marry now or move on
This all happened after we moved on
And I was trying to hang on



Did you lose him to another girl?
Doreen wrote about a boy in elementary school that broke her heart
Another little girl took him away
Makes me think of a Dolly Parton song

I’m begging of you please don’t take my man
Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene
Please don’t take him just because you can

It has taken me a long time to realize it was the (as mousey called them) meaty magnets that caught my eye, not the sweater. I am so dumb about sex. I am happy to move on.


My Collection of Push Up Bras
by honey on June 26, 2002 18:12:00

http://www.litkicks.com/BeatPages/msgAr ... &parent=-1

I have a vast and varied collection of push-up bras
,Replete with padding and lace and latches yet to be undone.
So much of me you see that isn't really there
Just a silhouette of your imagination and polyester fiberfill.
But this is what I've done for you, to get you, to make you notice me.
Hoisted up and cleaved in the name of love, baby.
I have a vast and varied collection of push-up bras
All with your name on them... some front close, some back
But all with the padding, to make me look stacked.
You've seen me without help, yes I know it's true...
Yet I'll still wear the falsies, they're what brought me
you.

This is posted with out permission cause I have no way to get permission. my conscience is bothering me. I may have to delete it.

[stilltrucking]

I just caught up with the news about your sound and light show

Unusual storm intensity and early this year

I got conspiracies running around in my brain

Gloabal warning or the endtimes?

Or both because God works in mysterious ways?

I love the mystery

Preachers on TV with maps and pointers

Telling me how it is going to go down

Israel always got something to do with it

I feel like a problem these days

[dolphin girl]

I think we in the bluegrass got off easy. The storms moved quickly thru. Worst of the storms past above and below my little piece of the world, but the county had two tonado alarms go off. Kind of wierd. Heard the thunder, and saw a little lightning and by the time I got the pc shut down it was about over. Was restarting everything when the first alarm went off. I have to shake my head because I was thinkiing why the hell is the alarms going off. Took a minute to sink in that it was the tonado warning siren, I live just around the corner from it so we hear it well. It's called a C>O>W>S> alarm. Can't remember what the letters stand for. At any rate. One of my daughters had gone back outside to play and we had to call her in. The stroms that have pass over our little neck of the words seems to leave us alone as far as dropping their wrath upon our very heads.

I am reminded of a couple of years ago, mothers day morning, I was at work when the speaker told us all to seek shelter as there was a tonado on the ground. I knew something was up because we had just had a power serge of sorts. The whole plant didn't shut down so my super couldn't understand my hesitation to restart my presses. Got this little fear about electric shock. Guess it was about, oh 15-20 mins later we were told to seek shelter. Now me, being the good employee, was shutting off all my machinery with the maintence man telling me to get my butt to the break room.


Now there are about 6-8 hundred employess working the mid night shift, but there is plenty of break rooms. I don't think ours was the safest. It sits more or less on the loading docks, and there is a lot of glass. Beleif me we did bring this up at the next meeting. To this day there has been nothing done about it, nor have they change the location of the tonado shelter. Well there were about twenty of us in there trying to use one pay phone so we could reach loved ones and insure they were o.k. I could not reach my mom and kids as, at that time, I had yet to get my phone service. So I contacted my moms boyfriend to find out where the tonado had been sighted.

It was about half an hour or so before we were released back to work. Couse there was no way I was going to go back, I had to check on my family. Munfordville was a little of a mess, but once I made it to the road to leads to my little town there were little signs of distructions. My heart was racing as I banged on my door, thus waking mom up. She had slept through the whole thing. She and I both questioned the girls, to which my younger daughter said she tried to wake the oldest, who told her to go back to sleep, it was just a storm. Mom and I, at the same time, told her next time wake the whole house, even if it ment dragging big sis out of bed. I think that morning we stressed how important it is to wake up when there is a storm, even a little one.

Fortunately I've never experienced a tonado, and don't ever wish to. Just this past January, I think, there was one hit Munfordville dead on. They are still cleaning and repairing from it. I tell this story because it seems in all the instances of bad weather the clouds start their spinning over my littlel neck of the woods, but don't drop til it gets 15 miles away. M-ville has been struck twice since I've been living here, and I've lived here, in this little house, for three years. I'm just waiting for the gods to get really mad at me and drop their wrath on my head.

Boy didn't know I could ramble so much. Anyway I count my blessings with each storm that passes.

[stilltrucking]

I am an idiot I love storms

They put it all in perspective for me

I suppose it is the same reason I love the ocean

The same feeling I have when I see a sky full of stars

I feel infinitesimal

I feel so alive

An amazing grace to be part of creation.

[Ann Bingham]

And we wake each day taking for the granted that each day is a new aventure.

When I was a child we use to sit on the front porch and watch the storms. I was, and still am, amazed by heat lightning. It spreads horizonally as opposed to the usual vertical from thunder storms. Like fingers reaching across the sky.

As far as having a soothing effect, such as the ocean, I get just the opposit feeling. I enjoy the sound of the ocean washing up on the beach. It is times like this I miss the Florida and New Jersey coasts. Would some day like to see the west coast, and perhaps the Gulf.

We are all small compared to the world. We do not take up much space at all. Just how little a space is hard to put into perspective.


Love lots
Deb.