Balloon of emptiness

[stilltrucking]

if you loved someone
would you tell them?

oh yes
I would

and I have

will lightning strike again

who knows

I do my best to m-t my mind about it.

I remember my first kiss, about twelve cruising the streets of baltimore on friday nights, the girls sitting around on those immaculate white marble steps, we coming by in our cars. I hung around with an older crowd back then, I think they took me along as jail bait. She kissed me on a dare from a girl friend. I fell asleep that night hugging my pillow pretending it was her.


My uncle abe was a romantic sort of guy, he used to tell me shit in one hand and wish in the other, put them together and see what you got.

Meanwhile.

I get a kick out of this place, these princesses here that I would never meet in the real world, The butcher boy don't marry the princess.

A lot of sunshine here for me

[Whitebird Sings]

dear stilltruckin'

this place is no different
than out there

except that
in places like
this,
that
we call
"here",
we are
a little less afraid

"here"
we
expose
ourselves
to each other
a little more freely

here
we
allow ourselves
to be a little more
of who we really are

in these ways,
here
we
know
each other
first
by our hearts


here the butcher
meets the princess
and they fall in love
and he treats her
like a queen


and
she loves him back
immensely
and
completely

why here?
because
she
knows
him by his heart

it happens here

and out there too --
where lightning
DOES
strike

[Whitebird Sings]

if i told you
what i look like...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

if i told you
how old i am...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?


if i told you
where i live...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

if i told you
what my job is...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

if i told you
what i like to eat...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

if i told you
what kind of car i drive...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

if i told you
what you say you
NEED to know...

would you
love me more?
or
love me less?

...or would you love me because i make your shoulders vibrate?

...and will you allow me to do the same for you?

[Whitebird Sings]

psssst... Stilltruckin'

come here...
i want to tell you one more thing

come close...
it's a secret about women

lean close...
and let me whisper in your ear

rest your ear
next to my lips
and hear me
when i tell you...

when
the girl
on the white marble stairs
kissed you -
on a dare
from a girl friend -
she must have thought
you cute

you made her shoulders vibrate

the secret is --
that young girls
don't kiss young boys
unless they think they're cute

...even on a dare

so,
that princess
that kissed you --
i'm glad you
kissed her back

because
like you,
she remembers
the day
that she sat
on the marble step

she remembers the kiss

this is true
it be so

[stilltrucking]

I think i have achieved escape velocity, your words a blur,
I think my point was,??oh yes I do love you, and your words worth more to me than a kiss, or a hug. I like to read. I don't think I am looking for a date, just a pal to pitch to,
, a thrill to just have your light turned my way

shoulder vibration, you got to be there for that, hard to embrace in cyber space. I am just waiting for a train, or a woman to pass through my life again, maybe it will happen maybe not. what ever you look like, you are beautiful in these text boxes, that is all I need. I don't believe I could love you any more than I do, you are all the voices here who have stirred my soul.

Somebody told me I sound like Bucowski, that is an honor, I think, I have only read bits and pieces that have been posted here and on litkicks , I resist reading him because I am afraid he has written everything I could possibly say.

Ok just one question
do you have a really bad case of gum disease?
if you do great, gimmee a kiss

a train is coming, I found my cyber lover, feel like I was mated for life, I been there done that, meanwhile lets keep writing as good as it gets for me

I got to go brush my teeth and try and sleep, not sure but I think I have just scribbled away for twenty four hours continously, my one man jame weaving through the strings. A spider web of cross linked text boxes. I miss the HTML. There was a web site called the church of the good html. I wish somebody here could figure out how to use html in these boxes so we could link them. Waiting for a web wizard.

infriendship
jacky

[stilltrucking]

I just read your second post,

that was sweet

I am a grouchy old man this morning

my bubble gum has lost its flavor

firsty or yablum

writing about the crumbs of happiness that have fallen through the cracks, each day I rememberr the location of another.

I am vain enough, but thanks for the flowers

[Whitebird Sings]

i know
i hear
i understand

all with my heart
with all my heart

you've got a friend

whitebird sings
as
jacky sleeps --
stilltruckin'
later

[Whitebird Sings]

the old ones teach us...
caras vemos
corazones no sabemos

the old ones say...
we see the faces
we do not know about the hearts

here is different...
i can not see your face
but
i know about your heart

poets r' here
so
how can it be
any other way?

[jimboloco]

inside outside
no matter no mind
i've flushed numerous little bubbles into intravenous
beating hearts breathing lungs
just my technique
it works
real
good
little bubbles of air
and demerol, dilaudid, morphine, ativan
stops the rigors, the pain, the nausea, the trembling.

what does not work is my fatigue
the i ching calls it exhaustion
impasse cul de sac
end of the road
in a dark wood
waking up the next chaptter has begun
from the midst of danger comes joy
resolving impasse, resolving exhaustion
only more grounded a deeper sensibility
one knows when to quit, when exhaustion has merit.

to quit causing harm to oneself
self destruction and weakness a dark ravine
in dark woods, the illusion of light
an intoxicated euphoria
burst,
clarity returns at last,
a welcome uncovering.

[judih]

this night has long since ceased to call to me
yet, tiredness has its own sure sound
i hear i ching insistence

time to balance the hexagrams
throw out the changes
listen to the inner tone

best when rested
off i go to pay me some heed

[jimboloco]

i need a meditation retreat