why suicide?

[judih]

why suicide?
why bother?
why the pretense that i'm worth the pain?

living is suicide
a one-directional moment
you begin, you know there's a finish line one day

why suicide?
it's all heading to that point

[stilltrucking]

I could give lots of glib answers
No mistake is serious unless it is permanent
Suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem

But I have never considered suicide myself
Not consciously

But when I look at my life style I got to admit it is suicidal. So much self pity.
Looking at a family history, and a random throw of the genetic dice.

My brother a psychiatrist does not put much faith in Freud
He was shocked when I told him Freud was a suicide. But Freud was a sick old man, thirty operations for cancer of the jaw, because sometimes a Cigar is a cigar. He had refused all pain medications until the end when he asked his doctor for a fatal dose of morphine. Maybe he should have asked for a smaller dose but he did not want to cloud his mind. It was nineteen thirty nine. Maybe he just did not want to see anymore human stupidity

Mourning and Melancholia
Freud used such quaint language

"This picture of a delusion of inferiority is completed, ... by
-what is psychologically very remarkable-by an overcoming of the instinct which
compels every living thing to cling to life"

They say Jews have a low suicide rate. Some people remember the Alamo. I remember Masada.

Why suidide?
Why insanity
The Sylvia Plath effect
Do I have a double standard for men and women
Hunter S Thompson and Spalding Gray, may they rest in peace, but suicide because you got writers block. It seems vain to me.

I have put a lot of thought into suicide recently because of a cough. Nightmare screnarios of walking on a beach with my pocket full of rocks and my lungs full of cancer. Or hoping on a flight to oregon because they have such sane laws there.

Suicide for the very ill
For a healthy person does not compute
It is bat shit crazy
I do not wish to romanticize it.
Beyond The Pleasure Principle
is a very boring book
but interesting to
This longing within us to return to the inanimate
a death instinct
Eros and Thanatos
No matter what I will fight the good fight
But at a certain point I hope I will know how to die
I don't mean suicide I mean letting go
Dianmond Lil nursed her father
He said to her "Lilian I don't know how to die" He lingered a while and then he figured it out.

It has taken me a long time to understand why you must be there.
I have never felt that call, where ever I have wandered has been my holy ground

You are my sunshine
please don't take my sunshine away
pardon this ramble
I can't edit it now
I have tried but
it is still spontaneous gibberish

[stilltrucking]

I have an itchy trigger finger, just call me deadeye dick

I only read your post once and ran with it. I should take more care when reading the words of a poet. But there it is my gut raction, thinking with my enteric brain again. Thinking about the cycles of the moon, and how little it means to my body

fatal hormones
silent woman's pms
can kill a poet

Freud is a quack psychologist, but as a cultural anthropologist he is the archeologist of my soul.
Existential strip tease for six years here and on litkicks

“One might emphasize the presence in him of an almost opposite tract of insistent communicativeness, which finds satisfaction in self-exposure."

“


"Freud says the need to be an artist comes from early childhood and a sense of loss that enables the artist to see things differently. This vision rules his life. Not entirely neurotic, not entirely normal, the artist is endowed with a creative personality and a ruthless passion that allows him to separate his own grief feelings of melancholia from his grief feelings of mourning (death/rebirth or creativity cycle…. Beset by melancholia, his ruthless passion for his inner life during his session (days, weeks, months) of producing an art work separates him from his neurosis. Grief is interpreted as mourning, not depression. Mourning, a positive process in life, leads the sufferer to change and growth, to a kind of rebirth, to a condition previously unknown." Link to the Joyce paper



My random quote for the day.

Windows and doors are cut into a wall,
It is their emptiness that makes the windows and doors useful.

http://www.thetao.info/english/quote.htm

sorry about all the quotes big mama, I won't make a habit of it.

roll on (roll on) big mama,
I like the way you roll
roll on (roll on) big mama,
you are my very soul

http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/stam ... 15268.html

[judih]

she unrolled the turkish carpet
and found herself flattened in anticipation

walked on for centuries
looking up the ladies' skirts
into gentlemen's trousers

she felt the worst and the best of cobblestoned soles
she saw that all were the same
massive and plodding

the few who flew were saluted

she, flat and looking up
been so down it all looked up from there
gazed at the sky
waiting for a rush of salvation

[stilltrucking]

my words like cobblestones
they plod across this screen
Meaning nothing
my mind a slave to that whore reason

I who am about to live
free
I salute you
My sister myself
I walk in your beauty

[judih]

i enter the carpet
i look down
as i dance the dervish weave
my head spins the wheel

behind me stand thousands of centuries
singing a sufi chant
a heavy maniacal chord
a rolling through waves of aeons

again and again
and i twirl
a woven tapestry
my DNA locking fingers
with the hands of ancients

how weird the berry stained moments
the encapsulated charms
talismans preserved in embroidery
spells uttered without words

into the carpet of wisdom
face down, heart joined
wrapped in dimensionless time

[Artguy]

JK's slow drinking in his mother's living room suicide buddha hermit in hiding his death lies in wordful glory....

[stilltrucking]

Exquistie
so beutiful it cuts like a knife.



Have you ever felt the continuity of all life flowing through your
veins?



St Jack, dead at 49? Who died first him or memere?
Not a pop quiz just thinking out loud. Human behavior is over determined. Hard to pin down any one reason why someone would take their life.

[Artguy]

47 actually....first Jack....then Nin...Then finally exhausted, truly beat memere folds her wings...

[stilltrucking]

I am re-thinking my over detemined statement. When someone is in agonizing pain with a cancer that has metastasized and they are days or weeks from death in the best medical opinions they can find, I could see a pretty clear reason. But you know there are always miracles. One of the things that appeals to me about Zen Buddhism is I have not heard anyone here speak of miracles?

What to me is even more remarkable than an individual suicide is mass suicides. Say for example Masada. Jonestown. Heaven's Gate. Group minds. I try to be a free man, but I have had group
mind momments too such a nice warm fuzzy feeling to be part of the mob. College Park MD 1972, anti war demonstration.

I am turning this into a discussion. I need more imagery. My mind a slave to reason. I got to cut it loose let it fly. Me and Unlce siggie got the same curse. Where ever we go a poet has been there first.

[mousey1]

why suicide?
because quitters never prosper
why?
because they cease to try
they grovel out of life
before giving themselves
the chance
that chance
to live
to really live
to grab life
by the cajones
and squeeze
just fucking squeeze

[judih]

why suicide

why use the energy
to stop the energy
when it could be used to do nothing

why do
why not undo

[stilltrucking]

You can put this one down as a drift away mousey. too many spaces betweet the dots
LSMFT sweat heart
smoke them if you got them mousey
I was thinking about Freakonomics
Those final expenses
I don't know what my threshold for pain is
I have never been hurt bad, just some random street violence.
But I tell ya my little warm furry friend I had the fear on me. We are talking raging hypochondriac here. Kind of stuff I did not want to write about because of a suprerstitious fear that I would be writing the history of my future.

Freakonomics says lung cancer is a cheap disease, hardly makes a drop in the bucket to Medicare.

Yeah I was thing oh those poor pall bears, I got to lose some weight.

Yeah I was squeeizing mousey,

I think I am going to ease up now that it looks like I might live long enough to become an alcoholic.

Why suicide, interesting question. Why mass suicide? What I think about more. I had a spot on my lung in last check up. You know I got a hell of a funeral bill because I have died a couple hundred deaths the past month. SO my individual choice about the subject being in sound mind all all that last will stuff, I was thinking about a walk on the beach.
It cossed my mind a s a last resort. I believe my breath is a miracle, just a random miracle of my maker the mad molecule cause the gods must be crazy
I really wanted a cigarette bad that night. I kept thinking that one more cigarette my quicken my death by ten seconds> Right then I had to decide in my fear, how bad did I want lung cancer. Fifty years of smoking, nobody in my family had eve had lung cancer. Srew it, I don't smoke no more. If I do trun out to have lung cancer on my next Cat scan I will give this post some more attention.

mostly
I think it was head burner
litkicks said
a permanent solution to a temporary problem that got Nietzsche through many a bad night, but Lou Salome slept pretty good.

edited

[ButtercupNutSwirlz]

suicide
hangs dismal thoughts
cuts forever
the wrist
of regret
drugs the mind
with nothingness
leaves empty holes
in lover's lives
and terrible memories
they can't
forget

"suicide is painless"?
no
lover come back
I need you

[MrGuilty]

Quoted without permission

...but beware the drowning artist man,whose pleasure's in the sinking

I hope it was not un- requited love
He used to make an involuntary clicking noise in his throat
For months after his death I would hear myself making the same noise.

I do not know why he did it. Maybe it was the space aliens. He told me they were going to make him kill himself if he did not change his chromosomes.
I think he was suppressing something to do with his sexual orientation
I told him if it were me, I would change my chromosomes.

I cried for him, I cried for myself

It was drugs that tipped his mind to self-destruction or
so he said. I was not there, but mescaline can show person things in the mirror that they are not prepared to see. One session with mescaline, and he never found his way back again, not completely.
They patched him back together again
No one knew how he made those beautiful sculptures of birds.
He painted pictures of his wife as a she-devil
He turned to me for help
but I was no help
I tried to reason with him
maybe I should have just hugged him?
Offered him cookies and milk

as sorry a story as I know

“My dearest friends are perfect strangers
they wish me freedom and self-destruction”.

It is a gift to be simple and I believe it is so.