Dirty Old Man

[Lightning Rod]

(I can't decide if this is a comedy routine or a poem)

I'm such a dirty old man
I go to Catholic girl's schools
and pass out patent leather shoes
(with small video cameras)

I'm such a dirty old man
I wear out two overcoats a year

how dirty am I?
lemme tell you how dirty
I'm so dirty that my sex-offender card
has been revoked

how dirty?
I use a peephole
to look at myself in the mirror
I'm so dirty that the porn sites
have banned me
because they couldn't stand
the liability of my five hour erections

I'm such a dirty old man
that I won the Mean Mr. Mustard Seed Award
three years in a row
Michael Jackson accepted for me the first year
Pee Wee Herman the next and
Jimmy Swaggart the third
each time I told them I was otherwise engaged
but I was really in the second balcony enjoying myself

I'm dirty, I'm tellin' ya
(ba da boom)

[Yejun]

My role model used to be Norm from Cheers.

Now, it is "Dirty Old Man"