Cancer lady, firstly

[SadLuckDame]

I don't know if he was power hungry or not, I think he's a regular type of guy seeking a domesticated and lovely wife or ideal women, he has needs and that's all it's about, his needs and my head trips--I'm the nut in it, it's o.k. by me.

Are you wired tonite?
You must work odd hours or sumpin' then floating into studio8 like a ghost after midnight.

Saw the magician last night in my dreams. Woke up to a loud crash, last image from waking was a sheet of paper with six long prose poems down it, but all were the same poem I was writing over and over, just a tad different each way and the magician was talking.

I'm just reading that piece by Anne now.

You'll love Rabbits'.

[stilltrucking]

I wasn't born I was decanted. Woke up from a dream and that was what I was singing. Yes singing. It was some sort of broadway musical production of Brave New World dream.

If you say so Dame but it Sounds like power to me.

Silent woman had a husband too, a regular nice guy who drove her nuts because he could not shut up.

I used to think adultery was funny. Now I get a pain in my crotch just thinking about it.

I love John Kennedy Toole. I can't think of too many writers I love. Camus, yes I do love Camus.

http://www.lsu.edu/lsupress/bookPages/9 ... 26066.html

[SadLuckDame]

If you were the catfish, and I knew the catfish, you'd not likes me much cause I knew him when. Knew him during my marriage and during his own wife's dirty deeds, and when I wasn't looking but the dame was, and if you were the catfish you'd have a dislike of women.

Guess that's why he's elusive and would stay elusive.

I wasn't looking for trouble, he was a friend of mine, that came first and stayed, all else went on the dame.

I was determined to be my Grandmother, and expected the x to prove he was married to a difficult woman, but that's not what he signed up for and I'm not suited to relationships.

I'm just babbling. I don't have regrets, Jack. I was difficult, but hell I don't want to be otherwise and I likes myself, which was enough for me to run with my head trips, to be true to me because on the death bed that's all I gots.

I didn't physically touch no guy, but the x will say I gots emotionally involved. Shrug, he's got a more suitable woman now and it works much better this way. I gets to be free of it.

[SadLuckDame]

And to add to it, I was a musician's wife, I let the women have at him cause it went with the territory. He tried like heck to win me to begin with, which was a trip, once he got the ring on he felt secure and never tried again till he lost me.

I'd had plenty of emotional attachments to guys previous and x's before the x, but he didn't worry over them, I guess cause I proved loyal and moral, but the catfish rattled his security, something about some man to man thing and territory, and he didn't trust a catfish who made me laugh again, that put the x to over powering or too prone to be a pita, I don't know.

It's a nutty world.

[stilltrucking]

If I every fuck another married woman Jesus. Christ is going to descend again, this time with a baseball bat with a nine inch rusty nail sticking out of it and he is going to hit me upside the head with it.

I speak only for myself and the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale

I am a nutty world.
So I helped silent woman out of a jam but

I should have kissed my horse and rode off into the sunset.

instead of sticking around to get laid

But it was not the adultery that haunts me
it is the acid, the bliss, the letting that condom get away.
She deserved better than me.

But Erica Jong is probably right about us testosterone driven men tripping over our dicks. But some men are nice guys, truly nice. I am just not one of them. Even if I play the nice guy "Voice"


In the meantime:
That baby is coming
Another out popping
I think a baby born into a refugee camp in Darfur is
Another joyous occasion. And I silently hope for a miscarriage. I am a nice guy no doubt.
Me and my nice thoughts.

[stilltrucking]

What I am finding out about acid thirty years away from my last trip
I can run but I can't hide I am becoming more naked to the lidless eye

I am naked to my unconscious mind. Repression loses sway.
"I am melting, what a world what a world. Who would have thought a good little girl like you..."




Image source =
Topography of Mind

[SadLuckDame]

Going to have some lentil soup, I think it's supposed to be good for the soul.


The catfish would say he had his way with me, he'd say it like that, and laughing at my ridiculous womanly nature.

He'd invited me into the game, it's like going to a get together with serious card players and I decided to sit in for one, than another and I kept in the gamble cause at that point what had I to lose except just some articles of clothing, and what I'd gained was a mind twist, which I was always for amusements. I knew what I sat down for, and thought it out, but wasn't about to pretend I'd no interest to play. Besides, there was opportunity there to see others in the buff.

If I'm getting naked than you are too! And we picked the player to our right or who got who or ladies first.

Mind screwed, yes, that's an entertainment just like any other.

I bet you'd have beautiful babies.
I had beautiful babies and improved upon myself
let all the babies learn to gamble, the earlier the better off.

My grandmother always said that, she'd say give them coffee before they're teething, wine before they walk, and never hold back everything ya gots to say or it'll eat you up, by the time they're in grade school, they'll play a mean game of cards.

[stilltrucking]

Yes she is having beautiful "out poppings" the last two babies taken away by child protective services. Now in her forties he in his twenties. Now she is having another baby. She is a piece of work. He is busy trying to do the right thing, but getting frustrated, the world is stacked against him. No education, no job skills busting his balls as a waiter living in motels. I think but do not say to him, next time you are drunk and she spreads her legs for you think about having another baby.



Oh well what the hell,
Who's to bless and who's to blame.
I got do what I can to help.

Hester did a horror scope for me once. You know what I mean, one of those star thingies. Amazing how accurate she was about it. My family, but she did not tell me anything I did not know. Ah shit, the sins of the fathers,

Road my motor sigh today, makes me happy, my nose busted a couple of times hard to breathe through it but when I am going sixty the air can force its way in. Smells so sweet. Sweet to breathe, not bored with it yet.
Even if "life goes on long after the thrill is gone"

What were you saying, sorry I wasn't listening

[SadLuckDame]

It's not my strong suit; listening that is, except when suits. p

You know, reading your post reminded me of how much I'd not liked the catfish's dirty doing lady at all, we'd say, like the Tom Wait's song jet...and I don't know if it was right of me or not, cause I can't remember him with such name calling of my x, but that stupid woman.

What were you saying? p

[stilltrucking]

Taking responsibility
Like Erica Jong said
Women have to be rational about sex.

I look at it and say
What do I know
She has to have one more baby
to play the hand she was dealt

he needs to take care of this baby
I would like to see her tubes tied

The lies the fucking lies they tell
both of them
you catch her in one and she says "it is complicated"
catch him in one and he gets defensive and agressive
Who am I to sit and judge
just because I have walked the streets of Bakersfield.

what are we talking about why do we keep razzing each other.
I am tired tonight but good tired
sun burned and wind blown
rode my motorsigh all over Texas today
Well all over Guadeloupe County

[SadLuckDame]

I don't know nothing Jack, I truly don't either.

I said once, "I wish I could have more babies. I'm the best kind of mother."

You know what he said, he said, "don't have more babies when you two don't like each other, go read a book instead." lol, cracks me up, he was right, too. I didn't know it then, thought I was only good at one thing.


See it says I only get two. You can read it if you want to.



I'm sorry Jack.

I'm not tired at all. I just found out today about this thing called live writing. Is that what we're doing when we're razzing back and forth? I always forget anyone's around.

[SadLuckDame]

Cause I couldn't have more babies.



Isn't she beautiful? What will I name her.

[stilltrucking]

Beat and tired feel like jamming


Not so much I ever been mad at you dame
More like I get defensive.
And I am always interested in examining why.

[SadLuckDame]

Tell me.

I forgot, my newest ones. Finally the catfish poet, and a rabbit too.



I don't know why you get so damn mad, or if you like defensive, but I don't mind it that much, only sometimes I spark off

Maybe you get mad just cause I'm a woman.

[stilltrucking]

I get defensive when you say things like you want me to be your "boss man"

And I am thinking now there is a green weenie if I ever saw one.