Cancer lady, firstly

[SadLuckDame]

Bah! I never saw one.

Bet you'd become an avid reader of Anais, Jack. She's a thrilling woman, then you might decide they're not too bad.

My apologies for all the pictures. Just was in that frame of mind, you know.

[SadLuckDame]

I say you could be my teacher man, that's what I say and I always say if you want to, I think or at least meant to.

[stilltrucking]

Sorry I did not comment on the pictures, I liked them
this one


Reminds of something Kerouac said
He wanted his novels to get married and raise lots of short stories. Quoted from geezer memory.

What you do is alright with me.

I used to be intellignet too.

good night dame
sorry about all the music posts.

[SadLuckDame]

lol, it's all good by me.

Hey Jack, thanks for the vids and
I can go to sleep easier now, songs in my head better than lots of other things I could name up.

they're great, especially when she had her suitcase and hitching a ride. I likes it.

[stilltrucking]

she had her little girl with her, standing on the side of the road, both of them barefoot.

I could not leave them there. Stopped and picked them up Gave her a a pair of sneakers and some money. She gone back to her husband in oklahoma.

"there is a lot of women out on the streets today I have heard." easy wind.

Never hardly stopped for hitchhikers. But a woman a child barefoot in the Texas sun in August what could you do.

I am hell of a nice guy.
I only come close to killing my mother once.

You think I don't like woemn? Maybe so.

[stilltrucking]

I did not like that video
when he pulled that knife
I was thinking he was going to stick it in her throat.
What's he doing carrying around a blade that size?
If I would have had one of those in my pocket that day in Laredo I would have climbed that Mexican's frame and cut his throat.
As it was I was feeling in my pocket for my little blade
about a half inch long that I used to cut the shrink wrap on plastic.
It was the day after my mother's funeral and I was not into taking shit from anyone.
Did Henry Miller ever kill anyone?
If not for the combat veterans I workded with I would not know what this thing in me is.


No I did not like that video at all, but I liked the lyrics of that song a lot.
Me I just want to rock and roll

Whatever gets you through the night
Whatever makes everything all right
I'm not the kind to judge you
See what you do is all right with me
Whatever gets you through the night.

Well, some guys just don't care
They say play all nights and sleep all day
Then some work till the day they die
Some get rich and some get by.

Some spend the lifetime having fun
Some say they're gonna wait till Jesus comes
Some say that girls are their downfall
Some boys don't like girls at all
Whatever gets you through the night.

Well, some like cars and fancy clothes
Some live fast and some live slow
Some spend their life searchin' for truth
Some come to church in a three piece suit.

Well, I heard a good woman's all you need
I heard some guys need two or three
Some want to save the world I'm told
Some just want to rock'n roll
Whatever gets you through the night.

Whatever gets you through the night
Whatever makes everything all right
I'm not the kind to judge you
See what you do is all right with me
Whatever gets you through the night...

I wonder if Dante was right, not just one hell but various levels of hell.
I will be in one of the lesser circles I think.

[stilltrucking]

Sorry I posted that video dame. I think it is creepy, but I love the lyrics to that song.

Thinking about this thing within me, you know testosterone macho consciousness 101, killit or fuckit. The day JFK was murdered I grabbed my mother by the throat, I felt her corotid throbbing in my hands, it was an amazing grace that spared me from suicide by matricide. A long sad story had to do with crazy mike, so much I was not aware of. They shrinks call it abreaction. When one eveni unrelated kicks off the pent up emotions from another event. JFK's death triggering an abreaction to my fathers death the year before.
The day of Crazy Mikes funeral my mother shrieking and throwing herself on his coffin. I went into shock, after all those years of convincing me what a horrible man he was here she was making such a display of grief. But ten years later I found out about what happened to my sister, and why he was no longer living at home. And I understood it was more to do with guilt than grief. He did not live very long after she put him out of the house. It was a death sentence for a man like him to try and make it on his own. I guess he died of a broken heart.


These two things within us, the cold blooded and hot blooded, violence done in the heat of passion, and the cold calculating killer. Hot and cold running blood.

A can a worms
"the worm at the core of human awareness is death"
Well Dr. Dame
I suppose that is all the weirdness I got for you this morning.
I am as common as dirt. Yes ordinary is me, but I think I see too much within me. Not good, we are not meant to be aware of these things.

Or maybe I am a bad seed, not so ordinary, a stranger. I don't know. I just don't know what normal is anymore. I don't hardly ever have violent thoughts, I don't watch slasher movies, war movies, scary movies. I got my own double feature running inside my head.

I hardly ever have murderous thoughts anymore

I have finally found a way to live
Just like I never could before
And I know I don't have much to give
But I can open any door

Blind Faith

And when I do have the occasional thought to pound someone's face into a bloody pulp it passes quickly, I just let it go like a helium filled baloon and it floats away from me.

[SadLuckDame]

People lie when they say they don't have those wormy thoughts, or worse yet they aren't aware of them, too busy playing it up straight till the one day they snap unexpectedly, those types that never knew they had it in em scare the crap out of me.

All my friends are nuts, me too. Something about that seems ok by me.

More later, thanks for the chatting up.

[stilltrucking]

“The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach.”

[SadLuckDame]

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.
Anais Nin

[stilltrucking]

dam
it came and went so fast
I read it and now I can't remember

I am feeling pretty ploped
down from the pot
going to take a break from everything I think
the internet my sister and her melodrama
going stick my head in a bucket of crabs
let them eat away at my sunny day blues

[SadLuckDame]

Don't go away

It came and went so fast cause it wasn't important, nothing you want to really know abouts anyway. Better things to talk about,

like the little girl who hates everyone, I know her
she has reddish hair and freckles
balls up her little fists... she kissed me on the cheek, so genuine.
I can't get over it.

If all the unimportant people spit on me, there's something to go on with, that's what my days are like, that's the rewards...
a little vicious flower thought to kiss my cheek.

she's just like the picture you've posted of your sister, and she reminds me of my grandmother when she was young.

Anyway, that story doesn't interest you maybees,
but grr you!

[SadLuckDame]

As strict as it was to grow up with, there was the particular transforming stories.

Bible stories--The prodigal son, another favorite to me. It wasn't so much about all of his wrongs, as it was about who he'd become and his heart.

Also my father's reactions to his father.
Ex. When his father clocked him hard in the face, for his friendship with a black boy, and in front of his sisters, but my father refused to give up the friendship and instead chose to take the knockouts and told his sister that the boy was really nice and he was glad to have met him, to have made a true friend more important.

In preparation to go to my Grandparent's house.
Ex. My parents would say, "Now you know your Grandmother has very bad habits; she swears like a sailor or a truck driver, plays cards and will prolly get drunk.

And when we'd arrive she'd coo over us with this heart warming honesty; the excitement in her voice. She might have home-made apple dumpling, or custard pie and later in the evening she'd pull us up in her lap and whisper, "You're very special and there's something about you. I can see it in your eyes. Eyes being the window to a soul."

Or something fantastical like that to a very young girl.

And after my dad read us a story that night, when going to sleep, he'd say, "You know I'm your Grandma's favorite child, but she won't tell anyone else that, cause she doesn't want to hurt their feelings." And I'd say, "Am I your favorite child?" And he'd say, "Don't tell your sisters that, you might make them cry."

I don't know why this direction, my rambling for the day.

[stilltrucking]

Thinking about that movie Corina again today. I notice that constantine wrote a poem last week which was titled corinna

I had to google for her. A poet, Korinna, Pindar's teacher.

Funny the things you notice about the origin of your thoughts.

Well anyway nothing to do with her but thinking about the scene when Molly hears her father say to the delivery men "My wife is in the bathtub"

Thoughts a million
they keep on chugging

Oh Bible stories, you notice how you began to notice "the loop holes"

I am a fortunate child, she guarded me from the evil eye.
I never heard any adult talk to me about heaven or hell, not even death.

I never heard of death until "that sultry summer day"
speaking of sultry summer days did you ever finish reading The Bell Jar?

[SadLuckDame]

Yes, I made myself finish it
(and to not be such a 'ya know')

Just finished the movie, it was wonderful.

I know, you know me and how I don't know what in the world to do with an atheist, but guess there's nothing I'm supposed to do except just be my normal self, which is the thing to do with anybody, and so I'm still learning, that was one of my lessons.

Hey, I love that tune , This Little Light of Mine.
Love it.

He got me riled up with that one, lol.