Post
by SadLuckDame » January 22nd, 2011, 10:25 am
What trail it's tripped, here is where I am with it so far...
The Pentecostal is maybe universally made fun of, they are noted and noticed for their extremes, possibly. I don't know, but I feel it in this fashion, sort of sense society laughing at them and the oddity. But, they do gain, (not saying they're elite with this statement, because they fail in other fashions for me, too. Just pointing out what I find thrilling in them for now that society may not see or care for.) in my opinion, something that lacks in the world I know of so far. They act outside of normal society rule, for truly I doubt they feel the same fears that are more natural to those who'd grown up with the social power. They act in fear only of God and do not worry so much of man, maybees they feel removed...not the same burdens apply...it's weird to go here, this is a long way back to travel and it was a child's mind.
Almost as if I see them as the religious stereotypical witches. For sure they brave a unique world of a sort of magic, a sort of loss of boundary most suffer under. I think many situations I'd been exposed to stemmed from being Pentecostal. The earliest lessons were of power in dreams, in spirit, in unworldly extremes. Not to fear the poison of a bite when power from God cancels out all merely worldly things.
How much Pentecostal am I? I haven't discovered, I don't know.
It held my curiosity, it fed my desire to sort of dabble in a power that was beyond man, it opened up doorways to dreams, name association and superstition that I found thrilling, just as the thrill some might have of playing the lottery. It nurtured my want to nurture those whom I felt were ostracized by a society who didn't realize they may be beneath a prostitute, if she held more fruit of spirit. Yes, I found a certain mischievous, prolly 'dark' excitement in thinking many men with a power, whether of money or of association in the public eye, were merely dirt in God's eye and the prostitute more worthy of his grace.
Some how, I found a twisted humor in this. Might have been a bad thing in me, prolly is. I liked thinking about how the almighty human man, who thought so highly of himself, would not know the joke was on him.
I feel terrible saying this stuff. What a child I must of been. No wonder I worried about my future self losing innocence.
I developed a terrible nature, prolly, to think one described as so unworthy, by a set of esteemed in the public eye, was actually unknowingly to themselves much more beautiful and deserving.
It was a birth of a dark humor.
And though I know it isn't right of me, I'd entertain it regardless.
I guess I ate it and was able to digest without fear of what it was I ingested, because somehow my dark balanced out with a light. Though I look forward to the group to fail, I wanted with all my heart the trodden to be lifted up out of that dirt. That was balanced.
Do you think I go too far on this admittance?
I should prolly stop going there for now.
I might not be prepared for the anger it could uprise in others.
What I have to change, what remains...still a lot.
I remember the lessons on abortion, and it being a sin, it leading to hell, and then one day my good hearted girl friend came to me saying she had had to. My heart could not help but to embrace her. She was not to burn for it, I looked at her, looked in her and I knew the things I thought I knew were changing. This just being an example. I couldn't keep with religion, for religion keeps me from me and I had to take what I knew and hold it up in a light of what I know, make mine mine, settle mine for mine and not depend on anyone to supply what's mine against mine. I will always go within, therefore there's no reason any longer for religion.
`Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on...`when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly opening the window, and putting you out into the snow! And you'd have deserved it, you
little mischievous darling!
~Lewis Carroll
I'll be talkin' to ya, yeah, that.
