Dream

[SadLuckDame]

It's been too long
I might forget a thing likes that
Well, anyway prolly more to do with not wanting to do it cause I didn't like him.
The thing about intercourse prolly more to do with emotions for me, I can't at all even get to getting on if I have not the right emotions, ya know...
don't do it if ya hate
and there we go
after that and if that's straightened out than I guess the rest just feels good
haha I better get going before I get going.

I'm glad you're happy, Jack
makes me happy to know it.

[stilltrucking]

Kind of happy I guess
mostly just grateful
maybe the same thing

all Rose ever wanted for her children
to be grateful to be alive

dream on Sad Luck Dame

[SadLuckDame]

It is fun to be alive while you're being alive.

[stilltrucking]

cut up

girls just wanna girls just wanna

I feel pretty all so pretty

I enjoy being a girl

there must be some benefit in being born a girl. I sometimes try to think of the benefits of being a born a boy. Girls, oh man girls, call them princess cheese cake or cup cakes crumpets or strumpets
makes me glad I am a man.

I wonder if Natheniel Hawthorne ever wondered if the mightier hand might have been a woman's hand. page 129 scarlet letter want you to wear my highschool sweater

"hot dog bun
my sister's a nun
just trying to have me some fun"

[SadLuckDame]

yes, imagine my young child self being frightened the earth would split open the minute my foot trodden upon it and a demon hand would snatch me at the ankle to drag me down with it. But, I don't think I was evil then, only the fear that that is what grown up people become.

Off to read and climb into sleep.
Been aware of my bedding lately, the pillows and that I likes my mattress on the floor. Then I go to think things like 'Jack might read a book by laying it out on the floor and leaning over to it...' does that mean your mattress is on the floor?

[stilltrucking]

my big brother used to read like that too
I can't read that way anymore

funny you should ask about that, tonight my mattress is resting on four milk crates. I am moving again.

I can imagine and it makes me feel like one of the chosen few
but We all got childhood baggage
In one respect I was a fortunate child
my father an atheist
I was spared a religious indoctrination
only evil I feared was down in basement full of the stench of dead rats.
even so I consider that
I was a happy child, with a few bad memories and
all the evil in my world was down in that basement
no adults in my family ever threatened me with damnation
My grandmother always on guard that none should put the evil eye on me.



oh yeah before we moved into that house with the funky basement in 1951, all the evil in my childhood was in Nazi Germany and Japan. I lived in America the home of the brave, where all the good guys came from.

sleep tight dame
pleasent dreams
all the evil in childhood world was on the radio station
http://www.signalalpha.com/InnerSanctumConclusion.asx

[SadLuckDame]

What? and you're moving again...
maybees you're working your way to nomadic lifestyle
or could start to travel, ya know.

Let me know if ya peaking.

They say we learn 75% from our childhood. I don't know what that means for us though.

[diesel dyke]

Let me know if ya peaking

oh yeah as if G d's thumb, all fifty megatons of it, is pushing down on my head and aim being squashed to a greasy little spot on the surface of the earth.

I am getting married, I will be leaving for my honeymoon in hell.

Yes I wonder about my friends, jimbo needs to believe that Jesus is not god and mingo needs to believe Jesus is god. And mousey needs to believe in heaven and hell.

I believe I am a fool.

Does Ionesco believe in irony?

[SadLuckDame]

And death is really the only importance...from Ionesco I believe.

Wait up, what say you?
Marrying a mail order bride or did ya meet one in the local shop, etc.
Wait a minute.

[stilltrucking]

speaking love peace and taco grease I got a woman doctor again. I hope she don't fall in heat with me like the last one

She so glibly prescribes gabapentin again.

no money for a mail order bride,I just copped an attitude all of a sudden, you know how women scare the bejesus out of me.

Interesting god the aztec's had
"The enemy of both sides"
now there was a culture with a religion that had a grip on death
till it ran into the Christian god.

Interesting book, Talking God, by tony hillerman
just a trash novel I suppose
a detective novel set in the Smithsonian American Indian Museum.

this bit on page 290 about
"Only the overthrown and captured gods are here."
http://books.google.com/books?id=VfwB9B ... ds&f=false

[SadLuckDame]

I thought you were putting in the big distance with me,
ya know likes when you've just had enough and a woman likes me just
reminds ya of the no good, puts ya soured and angry.

A lot of backing aways has been happening and I thought I might of developed some strange female habits and people say women are strange.
I'm working hard to find my soft center to get centered in what's mostly nice within,
not that there's much to look up, I guess I do have some ugliness buried there.
Anyway, it's summer and I'll pull out my summer dresses, hoping it gives me what I need in getting my chips. My Dad would say, "Get that chip off your shoulder." Must of been hinting that I was too much with attitude. Keeping it in mind that I needed adjusting. All I can do is to work on this stuffs.

Miss you brat.

[still.trucking]

not often I get beyond the yang and ying
contradictions
convolutions
concavities
complexities
always there
the zeal of the organs for each other Joseph Campbell called it.

it is good to have a female friend
with who I can let my freak flag fly

watching TV with my sister
talking about her mother
our mother's furniture
not good to fall into giving advice
how women deal with each other
and how they can unite against their common enemy
fathers, brothers, lovers, men

she goes round and round with her niece about that furniture, I know it is about more than furniture, their are women's issues evolved that baffle me
so I listen and try to understand

[still.trucking]

so I listen and try to understand
sleep good last night almost four hours
pills a popping
dreams forgotten

[stilltrucking]

I hope she don't fall in heat with me like the last one

that's my bossom snake talking

[SadLuckDame]

I'm gonna tell you a secret.
Remember when I told ya I'm afraid of losing gravity?
I'm scared to float from the ground and just keep going up, up.
I worry if there aren't trees, houses and stuffs around that I could grab if I needed it. The idea is the big wide sky and beyond that is layers, then galaxy and the milky way, the whole universe. I mean it's way too huge and if I went up into it, how would I stop the infinity there...

Well, people laugh at me if I say that to them. They think it's such steady logic having gravity.

I knows a lot of people scared of deep water, dark water and drowning. Nobody finds it in the least amusing that people fear that.

What I'm thinking is it's exactly like my fear.
It is the same.

It doesn't matter that it's not logical, prolly not logical only cause it hasn't happened to anybodies yet. I fear going up and they're fearing what's down.

I think it's what's happening.

I'm on my inside going this is very me and it fits to me beautifully,
but I worry he goes, "Nobody's doing it like this. Doesn't make sense, won't work."

Who knows how I'll wake up on it tomorrow.
My apologies. Gonna just enjoy the hike with you even if I know you're prolly not planning to go into the mountains.

P.S.
Just watched Garden State.
I laughed and almost cried.
It was really, yes.

Anyway, the point is
promise me you won't get mad.