Living In Sin

[Lightning Rod]

illustration by Norman Mallory

for release 03-08-05
Washington D.C.

Living In Sin

Gay Marriage? I think it should be outlawed. It's not the gay part to which I object, it is the marriage part. Let's have a Constitutional amendment. ALL marriages should be outlawed. It dooms any good relationship. Once you tie the knot, the noose is not far behind.

Marriage turns a volunteer army into a band of mercenaries. For the fools that enter into this union the outcome is rarely pleasant--divorce or, even worse, children. The institution should be banned in all states and the District of Columbia.

Marriage is the quickest way I know to turn a hobby into a job. Sex before marriage is like being a wild drunken artist slinging paint late at night in orgiastic bliss, inventing soft masterpieces. Sex after marriage is like being a sign painter working on billboards in the hot sun for an hourly wage. That's why Republicans and fundamentalist Christians are so attached to the idea of marriage, it's the only thing that is guaranteed to take the fun out of sex.

That's the trouble with 'Family Values.' The whole thing is based on marriage and forty to fifty percent of marriages fail, even more in the red states. Hey, that's ok, because more than fifty percent of businesses fail too and we still love capitalism, right? Failure is part of the human condition. If you can't accept it, you should die or get married. And if you want a sad history of marriage, just read the Bible, from Adam to Abraham to Lot to David, they were all cursed by it.

If you want to turn a woman from an angel into a shrew, put a ring on her finger. I prefer living in sin. It's ever so much more romantic and risque. Plus the longevity of the circumstance is dependent not on contracts and legalisms and financial entanglements, but on grace and good humor.

As a child growing up in the 1950s-60s I remember being confused and embarrassed when I had to fill out the myriad forms that define you in an institutional setting like school or prison. it is uncomfortable to fall into a 'special category.' My parents were divorced. So there were the issues with name differences etc. In a typical class of thirty, there would be maybe two kids whose parents were divorced. I have a friend who is a school teacher. She tells me that in her public school classes these days the rarity is not the student whose parents are divorced, but the ones whose parents are married. The war on sin seems to be going about as well as the wars on drugs and terror.

If we allowed gay marriage, it would inevitably be followed by gay divorce, and you can imagine what a nightmare that would be. The lawyers would love it though. A hundred and fifty an hour to decide who was going to get the poodle and who was going to get the astro-glide dispenser.
But gays can't have weddings, they can only plan them and do the flowers. Can you imagine Elton John's wedding? If he had it in the States, it could singlehandedly save the economy.

Actually, things would probably be better if we reserved marriage strictly for homosexuals. It would serve them right for their sinful, sodomistic ways. They deserve to be married. They deserve a marriage license, which is really a permit to take your partner for granted. Conservatives and evangelicals should love this idea because it would be a great alternative to abortion. All unwanted children could be adopted by a properly married homosexual couple. That would spare the little tikes from the sad fate of living in a traditional married household which, as we all know, is a boiling cauldron of frustration and abuse and neglect.

The Poet's Eye doesn't want to see the State poking its big fat ugly nose into my love life.
Marriage is a limber system of bargains and agreements, a subtle demented samba not sanctioned by the State. The State only tangles the argument, only shackles the spontaneous moment of love and sucks the oxygen from passion's room. I'll take living in sin any day.


O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner
devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy
a saint of divorce-
---Gregory Corso, Marriage

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

[judih]

bravo, clay
god how true

and how i love corso's poem
excuse the digression but here it is - how did you choose that quote? it's so difficult:

Marriage

Should I get married? Should I be Good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustaus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--

When she introduces me to her parents
back straightened, hair finally combed, strangled by a tie,
should I sit knees together on their 3rd degree sofa
and not ask Where's the bathroom?
How else to feel other than I am,
often thinking Flash Gordon soap--
O how terrible it must be for a young man
seated before a family and the family thinking
We never saw him before! He wants our Mary Lou!
After tea and homemade cookies they ask What do you do for a living?
Should I tell them? Would they like me then?
Say All right get married, we're losing a daughter
but we're gaining a son--
And should I then ask Where's the bathroom?

O God, and the wedding! All her family and her friends
and only a handful of mine all scroungy and bearded
just waiting to get at the drinks and food--
And the priest! He looking at me if I masturbated
asking me Do you take this woman for your lawful wedded wife?
And I trembling what to say say Pie Glue!
I kiss the bride all those corny men slapping me on the back
She's all yours, boy! Ha-ha-ha!
And in their eyes you could see some obscene honeymoon going on--

then all that absurd rice and clanky cans and shoes
Niagara Falls! Hordes of us! Husbands! Wives! Flowers! Chocolates!
All streaming into cozy hotels
All going to do the same thing tonight
The indifferent clerk he knowing what was going to happen
The lobby zombies they knowing what
The whistling elevator man he knowing
The winking bellboy knowing
Everybody knowing! I'd be almost inclined not to do anything!
Stay up all night! Stare that hotel clerk in the eye!
Screaming: I deny honeymoon! I deny honeymoon!
running rampant into those almost climatic suites
yelling Radio belly! Cat shovel!
O I'd live in Niagara forever! in a dark cave beneath the Falls
I'd sit there the Mad Honeymooner devising ways to break marriages, a scourge of bigamy a saint of divorce--

But I should get married I should be good
How nice it'd be to come home to her
and sit by the fireplace and she in the kitchen
aproned young and lovely wanting by baby
and so happy about me she burns the roast beef
and comes crying to me and I get up from my big papa chair
saying Christmas teeth! Radiant brains! Apple deaf!
God what a husband I'd make! Yes, I should get married!
So much to do! like sneaking into Mr Jones' house late at night
and cover his golf clubs with 1920 Norwegian books
Like hanging a picture of Rimbaud on the lawnmower
like pasting Tannu Tuva postage stamps all over the picket fence
like when Mrs Kindhead comes to collect for the Community Chest
grab her and tell her There are unfavorable omens in the sky!
And when the mayor comes to get my vote tell him
When are you going to stop people killing whales!
And when the milkman comes leave him a note in the bottle
Penguin dust, bring me penguin dust, I want penguin dust--

Yet if I should get married and it's Connecticut and snow
and she gives birth to a child and I am sleepless, worn,
up for nights, head bowed against a quiet window, the past behind me,
finding myself in the most common of situations a trembling man
knowledged with responsibility not twig-smear not Roman coin soup--
O what would that be like!
Surely I'd give it for a nipple a rubber Tacitus
For a rattle bag of broken Bach records
Tack Della Francesca all over its crib
Sew the Greek alphabet on its bib
And build for its playpen a roofless Parthenon

No, I doubt I'd be that kind of father
not rural not snow no quiet window
but hot smelly New York City
seven flights up, roaches and rats in the walls
a fat Reichian wife screeching over potatoes Get a job!
And five nose running brats in love with Batman
And the neighbors all toothless and dry haired
like those hag masses of the 18th century
all wanting to come in and watch TV
The landlord wants his rent
Grocery store Blue Cross Gas & Electric Knights of Columbus
Impossible to lie back and dream Telephone snow, ghost parking--
No! I should not get married and I should never get married!
But--imagine if I were to marry a beautiful sophisticated woman
tall and pale wearing an elegant black dress and long black gloves
holding a cigarette holder in one hand and highball in the other
and we lived high up a penthouse with a huge window
from which we could see all of New York and even farther on clearer days
No I can't imagine myself married to that pleasant prison dream--

O but what about love? I forget love
not that I am incapable of love
it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes--
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and--
but there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!

Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible--
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so I wait--bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.

http://www.rooknet.com/beatpage/writers ... l#marriage

[Lightning Rod]

judih, that's one of my all-time favorite poems
I thought it went well with this topic

[Dave The Dov]

Marriage shouldn't such a polictical burden or for that matter a social burden. I say stay out of my decision on whom I shall marry and I'll do the same for you as well.
_________________
BMW 3/15

[judih]

yes, corso knew what's what
even though graham seidman told a few tales to make our ears spin

too bad he ended up drunk most of the time, but then again, marriage will or won't do that to ya.

edit to add this about Corso:
He was married three times and had five children. Gregory Corso died on January 17, 2001, at the age of seventy.

[Doreen Peri]

Judih - I love that poem by Corso! I recited that in one of my first spoken word poetry presentations back when I was in college! A favorite of mine.

LR-

Sex after marriage is like being a sign painter working on billboards in the hot sun for an hourly wage.

Geezzzz - well, it doesn't sound like you had good experiences in your marriages. That's sad. I'm a Victoria's Secret fan myself. Ring or not. Add some candlelight, jazz music, and woo her with poetry, and she's yours! I know a lady who recently got married after living with the man for 12 year and having 3 children together. She emailed me and told me that her sex life had never been so exciting! She said, "It's amazing, Doreen! I've been with him for 12 years and now that I'm married to him, it's revitalized our sex life like you wouldn't believe! Neither of us want to get out of bed!" - I think this has something to do with the emotional commitment that goes along with marriage. I guess everyone looks at it differently.

As for my personal experience, it's much like yours. Only we didn't do any sign painting during my last marriage. The sign was in one room and the paint was in another. And the first marriage ended with the sign painter painting someone else's sign right in front of me. Geesh.

If you want to turn a woman from an angel into a shrew, put a ring on her finger.

You are going to get a lot of married women angry at you, Lightning Rod! If you truly want to die by shotgun wound from a jealous husband, this is not the way to go about it. A married woman won't look at you twice if you call her a "shrew."

About the theme of the piece - the state's involvement in the relationship between two people - though I agree with you to an extent, there are some reasons why a legal marital arrangement might be good for both gays and straights (given the current system.) Having some say about property and estate distribution should something happen to the other person is one reason. If there are children involved, without the legality of marriage, one of the parties, whether homosexual or straight, may have no say about where the child will reside if something happens to the other party. And then there's the situation where one party is hospitalized with a terminal illness and is being kept alive on life-support equipment. The unmarried partner would not have any say in a situation like this. Yeah, these all have to do with death, but death is a part of life and it's something which should be considered.

I believe homosexual couples should be able to choose the legal tie of marriage for these and other reasons which have to do with their rights when it comes to property, finances, and children.

____________

But, in keeping with the tone of this column you've written, here's a silly little ditty I wrote about 7 or 8 years ago.

Marriage, My Friends, is Like a Hot Bath

Marriage, my friends, is like a hot bath --
It looks and it feels so inviting.
You can't wait to soak from your head to your toes
since it looks to be warm and exciting!
You're naked, my friends, and the bubbles entice
as you yearn for that warm cozy feeling...
of water so hot that it makes you feel nice
as it sends your head off to the ceiling!

But when you get in it, it isn't so hot --
in fact the hot wears off quite quickly!
And if you stay in it too long, my dear friends,
you'll find that it makes you feel sickly.
The water sits there in the bath while you soak
and the soap suds with magnet attractions
grab dirt and debris that will sit on the top
of the surface and wait for reactions....

Your skin can break out if you stay there too long
while the water stagnates like a sewer.
You'll lie there and wonder if you can get out
and you'll want a hot bath that's much newer.
Yep, marriage, my friends, is a bath in the tub
and you'd better think twice while it's running...
'cause if you decide to jump in and to soak,
you'll find the hot water quite cunning.

When thinking of marriage, please think of your bath
and think twice 'fore heading for soaking.
'Cause marriage, I tell you, is like a hot bath.
It ain't all that hot! I ain't joking!

[jimboloco]

oh a damn good soaking it is
but i have grown
an we are learning more
about intimacy and yearnings
and gentle power strokes....

we had a manor wedding in the garden
gazebo the folks were seated in white chairs
a sunny october day in florida
quite warm, really
and the preacher was late.
her kid was on the phone. Finally
he hung up and I got thru....
she had fiorgot and was
working on her sermon.
but all went well and
we felt like stars for a few days.
music and cake and a tropical
manor, the "Seabreeze".

Having fun at the follies!

[mtmynd]

marriage is a union of (2) people
sometimes these two people
are the union of grapes and garlic
both are great on their own
but together they are not compatible
other times these two people
are the union of tomatoes and basil
both are better together
than they are when all alone.

[jimboloco]

an sometimes they are
austrian sausage
an bohemian play dough
so
ya can never tell.

i think of all the ladies i have lusted after
had crushes on
been mesmerized by
an never was able to hold on
to keep one
for much longer than a string of
trysts and come downs
let downs
rejected and rejecting
let it sting
burn babyu
burn
till i held hands with suzie
on the beach
an i knew
she was a keeper.

oh i know i wanted a radical babe.
or a sexual predater
like kim in ft worth

i got neither
i am fucked
but happy
and my condition is sweet
and i am married.

sometimes i could just walk away
and be free again
but
what
about
her
and her heart?
no can do.
nope.
i'm stuck.
sunk
married.
but i got my yohimbe root
an my horney goat weed.
an zinked an vitamin eeeed
to boot, so i'm ready
old man holdin steady.

oh sweet young things were tasty
and youth is fleeting
but old age is lusty
when ya got natural
aphro-afro-desiacs
an a sack an a misses.

i am all for marraige
for all. gay and straight.
fuck the state
of stupidity
an lets get married.

[stilltrucking]

For the fools that enter into this union the outcome is rarely pleasant--divorce or, even worse, children.

I been thinking about indigo children the past couple of months. Not that has anything to do with this.

Except I remember once when he was just a little guy, maybe four or five and she had made him breakfast. He used to love breakfast back then. Now days he hardly ever eats breakfast anymore, he says. Just like his mother who says she never eats breakfast.

As I remember it he was very happy sitting there looking at his breakfast and she kept raging on him. Like of a list of all the things he had fucked up the day before, every time he would go for a mouthful she would start in on him again. And I am thinking this is not the way his grand mother or great grand mother would be treating him. They were always so happy to see their children enjoy a meal. Eventually he is in tears and she is shouting at him and he gets so pissed he runs over and pulls her sweat pants down.

ramble marriage, there is a society somewhere an island somewhere or south america I lost the book so let us say there is a tribe of indigenous people somewhere that I call the don't give a shit tribe. they have attention defecation disorder, when a woman is pregnant she is shunned by everyone, nobody wants to know her. Eventually she goes off into the bushes alone and has her baby. And then life goes on.
she was pushing thirty and the lunar clock was ticking and Rose was in a hurry for a grand child. They all said (her friends) that she liked him because he had an inky dinky butt like her big brother. The Bear is a carpenter that could build a tree. So he made her

the queen of his double wide with the polyester curtains and the redwood deck

. Then he built her a house with his own hands.

so know I have a baby car seat sitting out on the breeze way.

"the two happiest days in a woman's life. The day she marries her husband and then the day he buries her."Sapho?

[jimboloco]

the outlook was extremely rocky
for mudville marvin
4 o'clock
and still sober.

[billectric]

I think you are really on to something! If people, for whatever religious reasons, want to get "married" - they can do so in whatever kind of ceremony they think up. After all, their ceremony would be just as valid in God's eyes as anything the Baptists or the government could string together. And if they don't want to get married, they don't have to. Now, on a personal note: my marriage is fine but that because I get lost for days and it's like dating again every time!