control

[creativesoul]

illusion of
control, a false sense of security, the belief that maybe life is not as crazy as it is
the way it boils all the flavor out of a conversation, how it takes the life out of a situation
someone is angry
because of something i did or did not do
watching as people go underground with it
because it is dirty
a secret, like a seed that grows a vine that will kill off all he other things in the garden
my friend who works for my friend and i were discussing another s unhappiness
she said "she is on me about everything, even what i eat"
i wonder why sometimes it would seem that everything s someone elses bussiness.
i have been building a world with someone that insulates me from that kind of empire building
we slept and at and watched television today
he taught me how to rest how to relax
he says things like, "the beauty of powerlessness s that her problem is not your problem"
he dyed my hair today
he is so sexy it makes me nuts and my best friend
he wrote chemical compounds on the bathroom mirror
his past looked so sweet on today
the person i used to be would let someone else s problem ruminate in my head for days on end
not today
my roomate is jealous of our relationship
i have never seen such strange sabotage techniques in my life
oh well
we considered leaving sex toys ht vibrate and tidilate in her room
but decided againest it
she tried to tell me that indian people never demonstrated their affectios in public
i think tht is white man s bullshit
i guess in thi case i s a woman
i am not here to make you happy
friend
it is a big deal fo me to decide what is mine an what is yours
i used to hang on to stuff so tight
i cold not go to the bathroom
letting go saved my life

[Arcadia]

ah.., to have your own room!!. Maybe it's another utopia burguesa but it sounds so good sometimes!.