to the universe. and myself

[SmileGRL]

jim...thank you so much for sharing your poem. i saw the humor in it and all the pain and i feel better for not being alone in my silly human-like despair (even if at different times). i think we all have our moments of such deep existential and spiritual despair and our own struggles to find balance at some point in our lives. i thought i reached that point when i failed to get pregnant after 6 years of trying, even after fertility drugs and realizing that it probably wasn't meant to be for me for whatever reason. but then my brother died and suddenly i found myself deeper into a dark pool of questions and fear and "why does this thing called life have to be so hard." feeling sorry for myself and all of humanity thrown into the same dark pool, although some still splashes around happily cluelessly. but lucky for me others have drowned a little bit too and so, i am not alone. and i wonder what happened on that bitterest of winters when the goldfish pond froze that changed your mind...

doreen...you are such a generous and sweet person, miss dori. i am grateful that i found this home of homes in your little corner of the net. thanks for your condolences and all your very welcome hugs. even though virtual, these are the things that help me to cry and keep me going since i cannot be with my family in this time. as for the caterpillar/butterfly....yes, our departed loved ones are wherever we see them. my stepsister said the night before his funeral, an owl visited her and she felt peace.