locked down

[creativesoul]

I work swing shift at a place where children go when they threaten to kill someone. or they are mean to animals or they are sex offenders. Autism is part of this story as well. There is a certain sweetness to a little girl telling you she was non verbal until she was six years old. then in a very child like voice she asks" what do you think it is? do I look autisitic?"
No I reply
She says"you are pretty"
I tell her that I spent my whole life thinking that I was ugly and stupid and I was very wrong. that it is a long road to healing.
She ponders this for a while then pulls out a computerized dictionary and looks up menegitis. She is intelligent, she does not like loud noises and screams and closes her ears when one of the other kids starts yelling.
I listened one day when a boy was having a blow out. he was saying things that I was sure someone had screamed at him at one time, as with this abuse he was angered and trying to make a transition from one idea to another. He was frustated and unable to communicate what he needed at that moment. I made snow flakes with him one day. I did not know that he had stapled his arm earlier, and that he was not supposed to have"sharps" he did not try to stab me and was happy for the attention, anyone that cared and was non-judgemental. he said" they think that this is going to happen again" he smiles , his eyes are slightly crossed.He talks about scary movies, he shows me a picture with a monster that has eyes in his hands.I asked him the name of the movie.
The next day I went to work in a different unit. These kids do not really assimilate into society, it is probable that the future will be bleak, that they will have gaurdians or legal care givers.They are cheerful, obedient sometimes and they play video games and skateboards and from a distance look like every other kid, except when you listen to the way they speak or the social skills they exhibit. They like to bump into each other and this is when a staff member such as myself says "boundaries"
It is not quite so easy in the real world.
Hitting is also not an option.They are only allowed to watch the cartoon channels and disney movies rated not PG. I watch with them sometimes and give them popcorn and juice. Some of these kids are as large as I am, and are lower IQ and emotionally very young, developmentally they are a bit off.
There are alot of kids we do not hear about much that had moms and dad s that did a lot of drugs and the babies recieved it in utero. alot of kids are foster children and since we do not know what exactly happened to them, it is often difficult to know what their triggers are. Constant observation and documentation. Medication.The same medications over and over. ADHD, depression, anti psycotics. The truth is we really do not know much.
I went to college for five years to find this out.I have yet to learn what a "hold " is, and how to do it.
My roomate is leaving finally, and we are moving out of the garage into the house.I work two fourteen hour shifts this weeknd.
My cat is sitting on my lap purring. I am happy with this.

[joel]

thanks for sharing this, creative. must be a complex venture to set out on every morning...but sounds like homelife is shifting in good directions for you...with your cat at a bare minimum (my dog is my sanity while i try to get moving).

got me thinking...

The truth: there isn’t much we really know
as certainty of fact, so certainty
of hope becomes for us then truly so
much more important, passing secretly
for truth believed and truth belovèd—I’m
the dumbest, mutest preacher, though, of such
a weakened knowledge. For the more sublime
advances of experience, I crutch
myself on This Is Simply Is—but now
and then, on poor poetic truths, I shift
on graces that all cosmic flights allow
elliptical excursions and I drift
again on hope that might expand and bless
me presently—and this is happiness.