the darkness before the dawn

[creativesoul]

i have my coffee my computer=the sun has not even risen
awakened by bodily functions= never able to sleep again afterwards
this has gone on for four years-jan 9 2009
a day etched in my soul with acid and carved in zinc plates with expertise
by an artist of sorts=darth vader variety
then it goes to what i did
to surrvive=which was and still is almost anything- i still have not crossed the line-
i have managed to stay in the light
although wicked things were sent my way- i just sent them back
like letters "no longer at this address"
while changing- he kept sending his telepathic mail
but using old photos
to tap in
but that girl really does not exist anymore
that heart that longs for family and love
almost had it
that kindness i recieved from Creator
that healing--- brought me back
my children love me anyway
the sad thing is- i loved that man more than life itself- and i died=
but my heart is coming back to life- i am attracted to people again-
people i have known for 25 years say hello
children i watched grow up
say things like 'when ever i see you- i am inspired'
i think- 'i should get out more"
i have been approached by really beautiful nice men- and i had to say-"sorry- damaged goods"
i thought i had come farther than i had
when i came back from camping
my roommate got in my face
he was a couple inches yelling
i had to bite my lip
i said 'is there anything else you have to say to me?'
when i wanted to kill him on the spot
so i will not be dating as of yet
the next one that gets in my face is going down
hard core
i did not run away from home at 13- get a degree at 50 and raise two beautiful sons because i was a dweeb.
when i meet the people that have helped me in this lifetime on the other side- i am sure- i will cry- and thank them-for everything they gave me-
but today i am still human as well as spiritual
i have no idea what i am supposed to do today short of pray hard....