Procrastinator's Obituary Reads...

[bennie2]

What is it about reading obituaries, or even simply looking at photos of recently deceased, that makes one feel so hopeless?

Other than a trip down to the shops earlier for milk, I haven't left the flat in 3 days. On Sunday I woke at 12.30 and had a beer while I played World at War. I then portioned out the rest of the day between eating, surfing the net, shitting and drinking whisky, wine and beer. Monday was much of the same. Today I woke at 1.15pm and, since it was "probably too late to go for a walk around the shops" (deciding whether to buy a bread maker, room heater, new processor, waterproof coat with Christmas money) I decided I'd do some housework... make me feel that I hadn't wasted another day. Wasting a day! What does that mean anyway?

It's -2ºC outside. The old slate roofs that enclose the common green are twinkling white in the fading light. The church steeple peering over the rooftops seems to shiver in the clear, sharp air. Going out in that weather without any real reason would just be crazy. So, I have the weather to justify my reclusive way of spending this last week of the year.

I do nothing except procrastinate. Like the cold weather being my excuse to stay indoors, so my name in an obituary list will be my excuse for not getting round to actually doing anything... I'm lazy, scared and anxious. If I felt comfortable doing nothing it would be fine, but I don't. I feel that I'm wasting every day, hour, minute.

Suddenly darkness falls and the street lights flicker on. Their amber glow, once comforting to me, now seems cold and lonely. Where once I saw lovers kissing under the warm orange light, now I see an uninhabited space where all possible dangers lie.

What would my obituary say? I was most definitely born and experienced existence for a number of years, kissed a few girls, learned to drive, played guitar, wrote some suspect poetry, met a few girls who were willing to sleep with me, climbed a few mountains, donated to charities, carried an organ donor card, took several really pretty photographs...

and that ellipsis up there? I find that a worrying mark. What has been omitted? Can an ellipsis denote the omission of nothing? the omission of a void of further memories and achievements? Will my obituary read quite simply, "He was born in 1979...died, (date)."

Instead of whinging about this I should be acting... I know this but acting would get in the way of all this procrastination.

[Lightning Rod]

I was meaning to procrastinate yesterday, but I never got around to it.

nice flow bennie

(and you are too young to be thinking about obituaries, or at least your imagined obituaries should be more glorious. He conquered the world or He was a literary giant or His lovers all remember him fondly...etc.)

Maybe you should be acting, but don't do the Scottish play.

[bennie2]

I thought about getting involved in strathclyde uni's drama society but I kept putting it off...

how does lr spend hogmanay? any plans to entertain or woe?

[Doreen Peri]

It's what happened during the dash that counts.

Here lies Bennie
1995 – ?

Dashes are just as mysterious as ellipses.

I pick up the paper and read the obituary every morning. If my name isn't listed, I get up.



Sounds like a delightful way to spend the last week of the year.

Thanks for sharing a glimpse into your life. Nice to see you. Happy '09.

[SmileGRL]

i spend the morning in my pj's reading half of a romance novel...not even the whole thing. and yes, it certainly is a waste of a morning. because neither did i read something of importance or literary value. nope. just a silly love story. i could feel guilty. or i could say...so what? i used to feel guilty. until i decided that this was my life. mine. and if i wanted to stop for a while...float for a while...just be, with no sub text, for a while, so be it. and you know what i feel like i took a mini vacation. maybe that is the point of wasting a few minutes hours days. to take a breath. no guilt. we aren't always going somewhere. sometimes we can just be here...ellipses and all...

re. the obituaries and wondering what yours would say...i think they call that the quarter life crisis. no, seriously. it's when you reach that point in your twenties/thirties when you take stock of your life so far and wonder if "this is it"...been there. still are sometimes.

so...a hug...or maybe a song...

[Arcadia]

(deciding whether to buy a bread maker, room heater, new processor, waterproof coat with Christmas money)

I really didn´t have time to read obituaries when I turned thirty, but I had plenty of time before and specially after that!. Read the obituaries, make your own bread, heat the room, process and walk in the rain!

good flow, good new year!!!

[Nazz]

This hits home for me. Had a few stretches like that-- in between a life that has me running around like a grieving madman these days. When down time filters my way, seems I just want to barricade myself inside and vow not to come out until my head clears. I should be acting too, but right now life is kind of kicking my ass for month after month it seems, and I'm not sure when I'll get moving again...