Limerick Thread

[Lightning Rod]

(I came across this in my files. It's from an old thread on Litkicks. Some of you may recognize the suspects.)

---

So, doreen has been writing formal poetry
she's a much better poet than I
she can write a sonnet perfectly
and strings of haiku
and rictometer (which I call rectalmeter) and tanka
I'm not much into formulaic poetry
I think the ideas should drive
and not the form
I don't usually waste my time
trying to cram my ideas into a cookie cutter

But there is one exception
I love limericks

I went bananas
at Litkicks on St. Patty's Day
and wrote these in about an hour.

Limerick Therapy

I went to limericks anonymous
because my behavior wasn't autonomous
I took a shower
with my higher power
and now limericks and I are synonymous

There once was a lady from Litkicks
Who wrote all her poems in black lipstick
Her tats and her piercings
And her brave ambrose biercings
Her fabulous intricate inktricks

There once was a poet named jota
Who wrote more poems than his quota
He just rolls his eyes
At the Pulitzer Prize
And drives off in his Toyota

There once was a swabby named knip
He was a sailor that shot from the hip
He just never planned
To get seasick on land
So now he just stays on the ship

There was a guy named Billectric
A Master of smooth dialectic
He tells you the stories
Both gentle and gory
No cynic but maybe a skeptic

Once a young man from Decatur
Put his member through a grater
When asked what he’d done
He just said, “Son,
That’s why my name’s Foolish Paeter

there once was a young Scot named Bennie
you can tell by my fingers so skinny
that I'm a professional poet
how would you know it?
I haven't yet taken a penny.

women who suffer from menopause
are like cats that forget how to draw their claws
I don't mean to slander
the goose or the gander
but do men go through womenopause?

There once was a Buddhist from Punk
Who was so full of venom and spunk
A drunk and stoned liar
From the Island of Ire
In the morning he’ll smell like a skunk

Feral is virtual thunder
Comes from the land of down under
A natural child
Domestic to wild
His thoughts are all scattered asunder

There once was a panta named rhei
She walked in the forest one day
She juggled and ran
And deepened her tan
She blessed the ground where she lay

There once was a lass named doreen’
Although visable couldn’t be seen
It couldn’t be queerer
She passed though the mirror
Observed but never obscene

There once was a Dave name of Dov
And everytime push came to shove
The internet it’s
Just giving him fits
Remember no love without glove

There was a young man named Bush
Who conquered the Afghani Kush
Then he jumped on Iraq
And caught him some flack
Then was thrown out on his tush

There once was girl name of 'Cracker
She became an internet hacker
She told E-Bay to get
a poet laureate
And now they're her corporate backers

-----
we're on the countdown to St. Patty's Day, so add yours.

[sweetwater]

From end to end, with labor keen;
And here, poor fool! with all my lore
I stand, no wiser than before:

[Lightning Rod]

A limerick is a five-line poem with a strict form, originally popularized in English by Edward Lear. Limericks are witty or humorous, and sometimes obscene with humorous intent.

The following example of a limerick is of anonymous origin.

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,

But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical. ---wiki

there once was a man from the North
with his poetry he did come forth
he baffled the masses
by showing his asses
nobody knows what it's worth

[bennie2]

a glow, from white wine, on the train
leads to many random thoughts so insane
like: I wonder, if I
ate a big funeral pie,
would I feel rather full or just die.




fucking retard! I can't think of any good "dirty" ones just now!

[Nazz]

Once a Zen artist named m-t
brushed the subconscious a-plenty.
Where tumbleweeds blow,
the empty mind knows.
They have a vista to lend me.

[Lightning Rod]

there was a puritan named bennie
dirty poems he didn't have any
I told him 'relax'
here are the facts
perhaps you should go study Lenny

[Lightning Rod]

I knew a young man name of Nazz
full of pinache and pizzaz
he didn't dally
got lost in death valley
where the Gila taught him of jazz

[bennie2]

a priest by the name of John Bert
fucked young boys (such a fucking pervert)
when he came in their arse
(fucking catholic farse)
he cried "all young eyes, please divert!"

[Lightning Rod]

to get nasty you have to be funny
or else your turds will be runny
when your diarrhea
makes people say, 'see ya'
don't plan to make any money

[Artguy]

These are great, gave me a lift when I could use it, although I will have to look up biercings.

[Lightning Rod]

There once was an artist named Kurt
he painted with tears mixed with dirt
even his gesso was
paste and expresso
smeared all around with his shirt

[hester_prynne]

There once was a dude name of Rhett
Who most women thought quite the catch.
But once they'd get hitched,
he'd rename her bitch,
and smack her if she didn't go fetch.

Then along came a gal name of Sistah
Who saw this cruel game and said "mistah,
This scene cannot last,
i'm gonna kick your fat ass"
He later died from a massive fevah blistah.


H

[Artguy]

Thanks LR...it's a real lift.