First Cut

Post your poetry, any style.
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saw
Posts: 8695
Joined: May 23rd, 2008, 7:32 am
Location: B'more, Maryland

First Cut

Post by saw » January 9th, 2009, 12:24 pm

my thoughts
the grayest of days,
i see the sunnyside
of heaven, the bare trees
of winter in the ghosts
of ancient memories
under a falling sky,

it's my first night
alone
without you, and
it was a hard day's night
for a rookie
at heartbreak, for a novice
at breathing
with a missing set of lungs
that rose and fell
like an angel homeward bound,

and i feel the scar tissue tonight
beneath my skin,
old wounds hardened
into muscle, the old fashioned
steroids of living
eyes open, heart closed
for the season, not to reopen,
til the summer sun rejuvenates
the mending roots of faith.
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

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Lightning Rod
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Post by Lightning Rod » January 9th, 2009, 2:22 pm

as I said on PIB, this poem is very close to the bone
it would be painful to read if it wasn't so easy to read
strong work, steve

(I would lose the first verse. Not that I don't like it, but it's like you are getting up to speed. I think that the last two verses say it.)
"These words don't make me a poet, these Eyes make me a poet."

The Poet's Eye

saw
Posts: 8695
Joined: May 23rd, 2008, 7:32 am
Location: B'more, Maryland

Post by saw » January 11th, 2009, 10:30 am

thnaks a lot, clay...you may be right about the first stanza...it probably doesn't add anything to the message........take care.....
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

mtmynd
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Location: El Paso

Post by mtmynd » January 11th, 2009, 3:14 pm

the first stanza... a hint, a mere hint of what's to come.

good job is about all i can write right now, saw.
_________________________________
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Allow not destiny to intrude upon Now

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hester_prynne
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Post by hester_prynne » January 11th, 2009, 11:17 pm

Wow. This is good stuff. I mean, my words of praise can't begin to suffice.
H 8)
"I am a victim of society, and, an entertainer"........DW

saw
Posts: 8695
Joined: May 23rd, 2008, 7:32 am
Location: B'more, Maryland

Post by saw » January 12th, 2009, 4:40 pm

thanx mtmynd and hester...nice to hear from you...
If you do not change your direction
you may end up where you are heading

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SmileGRL
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Post by SmileGRL » January 27th, 2009, 1:41 pm

steve...i feel this...my scar tissue feel this and i'm sorry for your loss & your heartache. "time will heal" is a cliche that proves true to those of us who've been cut, no matter how, where or when. we heal. and we love because it is our nature. this is me, sending you a hug.

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