Confessions of a Cereal Killer

[Lightning Rod]

Confessions of a Cereal Killer

I started off small
Trix are for kids
I killed my first box
sitting in front of Saturday
Morning TV

In my teen years
I knocked off the usual
Cheerios and Wheaties
fuck cornflakes,
they don't put up a fight

bran is soggy but expeditious
in my adolescence I discovered
Cream of Wheat and Jergen's Lotion
while I looked at Mary Lou Retton
on the Wheaties box

Then I discovered Special K
and Total
my testosterone levels went up
and I began burying empty boxes
like a bulimic maniac

In my twenties, I moved to the kinky brands
you know, Count Chocula
Captain Crunch
and the ones with
little dried fruits grown by Xerox
I was the terror of the grocery store

I'll be on the Wheaties box one day
Champion Cereal Killer
now I have boxes of it buried in my basement
and dismembered shredded wheat
in my freezer