Was it wrong?

[.Lucy.]

Was it wrong of me to have been stunned by you
when you walked into that room
that day we were introduced
and I shook your hand limply, unable to speak
the oxygen deprived from my system?

Was it wrong of me to have established a friendship
when you and I spoke of art and life
that day we spent in the gallery
and I imbibed your art
as you shyly looked out the window, avoiding my eyes?

Was it wrong of me to have wanted you
when we were merely friends and I thought you didn't feel for me
that night we sat in front of your art installation
and I studied the architectural design of your makeshift shack
the way I longed to study your mouth?

Was it wrong for me to have pined for you
when my body barely knew it was aching for you
that night we went dancing
and my breath was minced with your cologne
and your lips tasted mine for the first time?

Was it wrong for me to have fallen in love with you
when my soul barely knew it was melding with yours
that night you told me you thought you were ugly, defective
and I had to hide my tears, taste the saltiness of their pain
and I could barely counter your insecurity
because your words had broken my language?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you told me you've longed for me
for as long as I you?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you told me I'd disarmed you
and you never once thought I would consider you
and you tried to discard the idea of you and I together?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you said I was amazing
that you know everything I've endured
and you would fight with me, by my side?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you told me I am your inspiration,
your life's art?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you told me I was the only one
you've ever created for,
and you gave me your most prized pieces
with the humblest of smiles?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
when you told me you'd never loved before
and I- simple, plain, defective-
am the first and only you'll ever love?

Was it wrong of me to have believed you
that I am the air you breathe
and the light within your once-dark life?

Was it wrong for us to find one another
at the precise time
when we were both suffering, aching
alone?

Was it wrong for us to realize-
without one another,
we can't exist?

LT
6-8-09

[Yejun]

This worked for me.

The anaphoric construction (the repetition of opening words or phrases) can get very irritating very quickly, but this was able to move beyond the simple structure into something else. You should probably have more concrete images at the end but apparently the beginning part created its own inertia that carried the rest of the poem through (I don't know, I'm just guessing). Finally, I was expecting some sort of shift in tone and it never came. That subverted my own expectations and created its own 'surprise'.

I guess it just goes to show you (me?) that even the strongest of truisms can be overcome at times.

Thanks for that.