the idea of me

[SmileGRL]

"i think i'm falling in love with the idea of you," he said (long time ago). and i didn't understand until the other day, driving home, that that was probably one of my biggest fears come true. that statement was like a wolf in sheep's clothes. a trip switch hidden inside a wishful thought. which is exactly what made it dangerous. the wishing part. because the idea of me could be any damn thing. could be a virginal white lamb. could be goth girl spreading her legs, or. be-my-whimsical-fairy-artist. or sunshine on toast. could actually be brave & have something to say. what if the idea of me is one dimensional. conditional. unforgiving. or what if the idea of me is bigger than me? in fact what if it's so impossibly high that i'll never reach it, no matter how hard i try?

& what if that is how i've tried to live my life so far...to be the idea of me

***
complementing art at http://smilegrl.blogspot.com/

[justwalt]

Humans don't seem to mix well with other humans,
and evidence of shame does not prove blame...
Collect your energies and refocus

walt

[revolutionrabbit]

just call me little sunshine"

[SmileGRL]

walt..."humans don't seem to mix well with other humans"...no they don't. "and evidence of shame does not prove blame"...there's no shame and no blame in this poem. just observation. "collect your energies and refocus"...that is what i'm doing, walt. evidence of frustration and/or sadness in my poetry over what is observed does not prove back pedaling. that's just me focusing and paying attention to the little things. it starts with a few sparks (or lightening bolts ) of frustration and one observation leads to another until i find a new balance. i may not be moving fast or pasting a smile all over my words, but i am moving forward. this is not me biting you, walt. this is me saying i am doing okay even though it may not appear so. thank you for caring.


RR…sunglasses or. yellow polka dot bikini

[justwalt]

I think it was the last line that struck me. I can easily let my thoughts carry me through the emotional scenery in your words...
I interpret them mentally, but I can experience them emotionally, and
sometimes physically.

This was a heavy piece you wrote... I feel it.

walt

[SmileGRL]

wow. thanks walt. i take that as a compliment.

and yes. heavy

the last line was a punch in the gut for me too as i wrote it. and somehow i feel a lot freer. (doesn't that look weird? free freer freest )

[.Lucy.]

Aha!

How did you do that?

This is the very fear that's lingered inside me for some time...

You are just rockin these words out MJ! Kickin!

-Lucy

[SmileGRL]

i've got super powers... haha

thanks lucy. your reply is exactly why i share, girl. because you never know who is feeling the things you feel too and maybe it helps them to go deeper. somehow we will each find our own balance.

[goldenmyst]

SmileGRL, you express with your sagacious words the truth so many of us feel. We can be the idea out parents want, or our culture, or our mate. There are so many forces trying to shape us into their desired image. When we look in the mirror who do we see? Your probing mind sees deep into the hidden reality we often overlook.

John

[SmileGRL]

sagacious...wow

thanks, john.

We can be the idea our parents want, or our culture, or our mate. There are so many forces trying to shape us into their desired image. When we look in the mirror who do we see?

exactly.

thank you for always reading between the lines, my friend.