Do You Complain Too Much?

[Jacob]

Title of an article written by Valerie Frankel, found on MSN. Caught my eye as the concept of complaints, whining, perspective, negativity, positivity, and all related subjects has been on my mind for awhile. What do you think?

For me, I've always found people who used the word "complaining" and essspectially "whining" to be incredibly intolerant and self centered. How dare someone say something bad about anything! It's never seen as a means of discussion, even when it should be. How is one to ever discuss a change in things, or a better understanding of a hard situation, when the first thing out of another's mouth includes the words complaining or whining?

Posted upon another forum, but thought I'd start a discussion about it here as well.

[Doreen Peri]

What gets me are the people who complain about complainers.

"I hate complainers!," they say. Too funny. Then why are they complaining about them?

lol

[Arcadia]

long article! I read only until page 4...

I guess I don´t complain too much (but too much could be very subjective, you know? ). What I noticed that it´s easy to feel a different opinion as/like? a complain in certain circumstances. And yeah, there are people that sometimes complain too much!!

gracias for sharing the article! (the mind control references and the bracelet segments were very funny!)

[sooZen]

Hi

This subject relates to something I have been cogitating on for awhile. Truth is, I didn't finish the article but have a few personal insights into complaining and/or whining.

It seems that everyone does it at one time or another but isn't it a waste of precious time? Unless one is proactive about what they are complaining about, of course otherwise, pffft.

As for whining, puppies are good at that and folks that whine and complain are not very good company besides just being rude or sore losers or some such negative. Who wants to spend all their time focusing on the dark side? Darth Vader?

For me, there is too much in this short life (and getting shorter as I speak ) to spend my time complaining about things I am not willing to change or whining if I don't get my way or things don't turn out like I think they should.

Just wish I could always BE that way but I am working on it every day...

[sooZen]

okay, I finished the article and found it humorous and a tad insightful. It is okay to express your emotions is the gist, or so I think, even if they are ugly or bad and I agree with that. Holding it in doesn't do anyone any good and only creates conflict within. Doing something positive about what is negative solves that.

But I still think that constant complaining or whining is not helpful to one's growth, by any means. Some peeps go straight to the dark side of any issue and never think anything is going to work out and with that attitude, nothing ever will. Self perpetuating negativity.
No thank you.

Thanks for making me think.

[Doreen Peri]

I agree with you, SooZ. Whining and complaining is definitely not pleasant to be around.

People do need to vent sometimes, though. So, when my friends or family members feel it necessary to speak their minds and let out a little steam and complain about this or that, I try to look at it like they feel safe enough with me to say what they feel. I'm honored and cool with that. But if they develop a whiney, bitchy, complainer attitude that shows day in and day out, that's where I draw the line. It's not healthy for anybody to act and speak so negatively too often.

[Barry]

Yes, I do.

[Nazz]

What kind of question is that? I hate these kind of questions. Man, life sucks.

[sooZen]

[Jacob]

So what I see is that complaining/whining = negative, and if someone brings up an issue they have, it's negative? If so, why is negative so bad? Granted I know that sounds a little silly to ask, but really, why is it? Must one see the bad in order to understand what IS wrong with something in order to change it? If you only see the good in something, you're missing out on everything else that makes it rotten. To be honest, I don't think any of us could stand a world of nothing but positive upbeat people, who can't see the reality of a situation for what it is. If you fall into a pile of poop, it's still poop, no matter how you try to spin it in order to accept it and move on.

On what doreen said, my heart is being tugged. It's important to have someone you can feel safe enough with to talk too, but even more important that those people be open with the one who is open with them. Otherwise they aren't really safe, and just going to get hurt.

[still.trucking]

I only complain about the weather and women.

Seriously

I agree. We ignore the negative at our peril.

If negativity means the dark side I don't know.

I liked this bit from a song by wireman I just heard.

“Wondrous light does exist in the darkest recesses”

been playing in my head like a radio today. maybe because I have listened to the song about a dozen times.

I think about suffragettes, and child labor laws, and slum conditions and muckrakers and stuff like that.

But then you got these cracker heads complaining about Obama the communist. I don't know what to make of that. I see the grim humor in it I suppose. Cheney complaining about the Justice department being "politicized" that is good for a snort if not a creepy chuckle


I am grateful even when I complain.
Grateful for the that right to complain
A saying I have only heard in Texas
"He would complain even if you hung him with a new rope"

Not sure what the advantages of being hung with a new rope are.

[sooZen]

Ahhh, to ignore the fact that negativity exits is delusional and at my age (61 next month) most certainly I have experienced tragedies a plenty.

If you look at the yin/yang symbol next to my name, it says it all. All, meaning the light and the dark make the whole (with the shades of grey between.)

We humans love to complain and like the old adage goes, "you can complain about the weather but no one does anything about it..." I guess it is a personal choice of mine to look at everything that happens (to me or even universally) as a learning experience and complaining about the teacher or the lessons means you got no class. (puns intended)

I am by no means a Pollyanna sort (who?) who thinks the world is bright and cheery. Suffering exists, life and death go on whether (weather?) we complain or not. Grumping and waxing negative in every other breath is a waste of my good time. No shit.

Some folks have a good ole time criticizing and complaining to the point where it is an art form for them. I steer clear of those types and look for the beauty in the shine of the spit on the street. Know what I mean?

The Zen monk said, "Everything is perfect, just as it is." There is no reason to fret and complain unless you are working up a tizzy or a hissy fit. Trust in the Universe is my mantra and it will all work out, just as it should.

[Barry]

Complaining, like worrying, doesn't really do anything, any good for you or your community - the world around you. That's why I said I complain too much. Action taken (or not taken) to make a perceived necessary change is really all that matters in the long run. While I agree that you need to be aware of and aknowledge the negative around you, I maintain that focusing on that, particularly to the exclusion of the positive around you, too, is a mistake. Have you ever known someone who, when you ask them how their day was or what they've been up to lately, spews out a list of all the bad things that happened to them, or all the stupid things they've seen people do recently, etc.? This is what I think of as a negative person. The first thing(s) that come to mind are negative rather than positive. I said I complain too much because I strive to minimize this behavior and type of thinking in my own life. It's like when I feel a frown or scowl on my face and consciously work to rearrange the muscles there into a more pleasant expression. It's hard at first. I have to keep remembering to do it. But before too long, it's totally unconscious. And not only has my outward expression changed for the better, my inner mental state has, too. So even though I try not to complain too much, I aknowledge that like most of humanity, I do.
The important point here isn't to complain or not to complain, but what you want to place the emphasis on.

Peace,
Barry

[mtmynd]

If the world was a perfect place
all would be silent and full of peace
until some goddamn fool came around
bitching about the silence and peace...

[tarbaby]

that was bitchin Cecil